Thursday, March 30, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Nothing much happening excepet I am suffering from the "wtf-have-I-signed-my-soul-away-for" syndrome. Dun worry I will try to stay on. Its just that I amcounting the days very slowly .
Very meaningful lyrics of the song, Life got cold by dido:
"Life got cold. It happened many years ago, when summer drift away. So chill out now, you got many years to go *groans*, so take it day-by-day (how very true indeed)."
Been living the life of a zombie. No life. No maple. No comics. No tv. No blogging. Dog tired.
The only thing I do at home daily now goes to either sleep then do lesson plans or trying to get resources for dressing up lessons especially those with observations. ULTRA SIAN TO THE MAX LIAO!
THAT'S IT!
This coming Friday, I must go home early. Don my snake pants, wear all my chains and trinklets: hang and bum around until I suan or turn sane again. Venue most prob orchard region. Should get gothic earrings too while I am at it. Galiano I miss you so!
Today is another week of weekday jap lesson. Nothing problematic except I am ultra corpse by then and usually sprout wrong japanese that gets misunderstood and Tab would laugh the loudest. Nvm she can write about that when I have accumulated enough blunders.
Side note, this person might be on the way to alcoholism. On my way back, due to cold weather and sian and dunno what to drink, I grabbed a small bottle of Heinkein and drank a few gulps. Immediately feel more relaxed and warm in the chest to soothe my cough (didnt know I am such a tensed person?) Of course didnt drink the whole bottle. Just needed that few sips. The rest I just chuck into the fridge. Beginning alcholism? I asked my sister, she said no cos I didnt finish it. Well my bottle of beer can even last 1-2 weeks. Only on days damn tensed, then drink a few sips then can relax and sleep a bit better.
Weds are usually the hardest to pass cos it marks the mid-week. Tom then friday, just need to survive a bit more. Too brain-dead to think beyond my next sentence. Just wanted to update cos I was away for a long time. Really nothing much to say. Then also not convenient to bitch too much. There was a recent article abt educator blogging and the controversies. Dun care for that, so long as I dun make degratory statements about stuff. Just post my own feelings and thoughts.
Very meaningful lyrics of the song, Life got cold by dido:
"Life got cold. It happened many years ago, when summer drift away. So chill out now, you got many years to go *groans*, so take it day-by-day (how very true indeed)."
Been living the life of a zombie. No life. No maple. No comics. No tv. No blogging. Dog tired.
The only thing I do at home daily now goes to either sleep then do lesson plans or trying to get resources for dressing up lessons especially those with observations. ULTRA SIAN TO THE MAX LIAO!
THAT'S IT!
This coming Friday, I must go home early. Don my snake pants, wear all my chains and trinklets: hang and bum around until I suan or turn sane again. Venue most prob orchard region. Should get gothic earrings too while I am at it. Galiano I miss you so!
Today is another week of weekday jap lesson. Nothing problematic except I am ultra corpse by then and usually sprout wrong japanese that gets misunderstood and Tab would laugh the loudest. Nvm she can write about that when I have accumulated enough blunders.
Side note, this person might be on the way to alcoholism. On my way back, due to cold weather and sian and dunno what to drink, I grabbed a small bottle of Heinkein and drank a few gulps. Immediately feel more relaxed and warm in the chest to soothe my cough (didnt know I am such a tensed person?) Of course didnt drink the whole bottle. Just needed that few sips. The rest I just chuck into the fridge. Beginning alcholism? I asked my sister, she said no cos I didnt finish it. Well my bottle of beer can even last 1-2 weeks. Only on days damn tensed, then drink a few sips then can relax and sleep a bit better.
Weds are usually the hardest to pass cos it marks the mid-week. Tom then friday, just need to survive a bit more. Too brain-dead to think beyond my next sentence. Just wanted to update cos I was away for a long time. Really nothing much to say. Then also not convenient to bitch too much. There was a recent article abt educator blogging and the controversies. Dun care for that, so long as I dun make degratory statements about stuff. Just post my own feelings and thoughts.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Oh My Fucking God!!!!!!!!!!!! *shock*
Walao!!!!!! The gods are out to play with me!!!!! *wails*
In my earlier post, I was happily stoning in the computer lounge trying to do up a lesson plan when the admin staff came and told me that my Supervisor called and she was on her way!
WTF? I thought that the observation was next week!!! Why the sudden change in plan? OMG! I had to franctically print out the lesson plan for her and met her when she came shortly. Apparently she had a change in plans and she had informed the other supervisees EXCEPT me! WTF!!!! Anyway there was nothing I could do but keep on looking through my lesson and praying that I dun screw up.
When it was 11am, we went in. Due to the sudden nature of her appearance, my CT had to stop going throught the ca answers and I had to give them some time to finish and quickly stopped them. How it went??? Atrocious is my verdict.
As the topic I was going through, I had covered with the class already earlier for the CA, but didnt do the wb and also not covered thoroughly, so I decided to do a proper one using examples from the tb. Lets just say most thought that they understood and started making noise and playing a fool. Lets just say I had finished my lesson but some still say dun understand but yet dun listen.
So after the lesson, I was debriefed. According to her,
1) make sure that all are on task before I begin (ie make sure all have only their necessary stuff on the table, nothing else)
2) have extension activities so that those who finished early can be kept occupied.
3) always keep the group busy ie more student-focused and instanteous feedback eg use of flashcard.
WELL. All I could say was that I did use the flashcards previously but decided to try out using the textbook examples because I might miss out on some things if I just only use my own examples and explain. Sian! After that I had a rather sore throat and feel rather sian. Of all the better days, had to come down for this one when I am trying out the tb approach.... Oh well in the end, she gave me 2 proficient and 3 acceptable for the 5 areas. Luckily she told me exactly when she would be coming, and it is for the english lesson with the P5 class which I am doing pretty okay so far, as far as what I heard from my Eng CT for today's lesson.
Aiyo already quite drained liao after one lesson observation but to kena 2 in one day, and one a rather important one is really too much liao. Once school ended, I just packed up and go, after making sure I have nothing pending and pretty much slept like a log from 4-8pm. Then I woke up feeling better and normal again.
Never mind, I was never aiming for a distinction or credit in the first place. What I want is just to pass, never mind the grades. So long as I dun fail its alright. Also I tell myself, that a single observation for a rather noisy lesson does not mean that I have failed as an educator. Just caught me on a bad and unexpected day. Oh well tom is another day.
Walao!!!!!! The gods are out to play with me!!!!! *wails*
In my earlier post, I was happily stoning in the computer lounge trying to do up a lesson plan when the admin staff came and told me that my Supervisor called and she was on her way!
WTF? I thought that the observation was next week!!! Why the sudden change in plan? OMG! I had to franctically print out the lesson plan for her and met her when she came shortly. Apparently she had a change in plans and she had informed the other supervisees EXCEPT me! WTF!!!! Anyway there was nothing I could do but keep on looking through my lesson and praying that I dun screw up.
When it was 11am, we went in. Due to the sudden nature of her appearance, my CT had to stop going throught the ca answers and I had to give them some time to finish and quickly stopped them. How it went??? Atrocious is my verdict.
As the topic I was going through, I had covered with the class already earlier for the CA, but didnt do the wb and also not covered thoroughly, so I decided to do a proper one using examples from the tb. Lets just say most thought that they understood and started making noise and playing a fool. Lets just say I had finished my lesson but some still say dun understand but yet dun listen.
So after the lesson, I was debriefed. According to her,
1) make sure that all are on task before I begin (ie make sure all have only their necessary stuff on the table, nothing else)
2) have extension activities so that those who finished early can be kept occupied.
3) always keep the group busy ie more student-focused and instanteous feedback eg use of flashcard.
WELL. All I could say was that I did use the flashcards previously but decided to try out using the textbook examples because I might miss out on some things if I just only use my own examples and explain. Sian! After that I had a rather sore throat and feel rather sian. Of all the better days, had to come down for this one when I am trying out the tb approach.... Oh well in the end, she gave me 2 proficient and 3 acceptable for the 5 areas. Luckily she told me exactly when she would be coming, and it is for the english lesson with the P5 class which I am doing pretty okay so far, as far as what I heard from my Eng CT for today's lesson.
Aiyo already quite drained liao after one lesson observation but to kena 2 in one day, and one a rather important one is really too much liao. Once school ended, I just packed up and go, after making sure I have nothing pending and pretty much slept like a log from 4-8pm. Then I woke up feeling better and normal again.
Never mind, I was never aiming for a distinction or credit in the first place. What I want is just to pass, never mind the grades. So long as I dun fail its alright. Also I tell myself, that a single observation for a rather noisy lesson does not mean that I have failed as an educator. Just caught me on a bad and unexpected day. Oh well tom is another day.
Just had my first observation by CT. It is to be the first of a total of 8 for the requirements of the TP. Since I have 2 mentors, it meant 4 each. So this week mark the beginning of 2 observation by each CT for 4 weeks. Supervisor dropping in next week for the 1st of 2 observations.
Somehow I wouldnt really have cared that much except that we must pass the TP. It is compulsory to pass and failure is not an option. Well I just treat it as a normal lesson and soon forgot that my CT was at the back but feeling quite tired today. Just had a one hour english lesson, and maybe use too much power liao. Tried to make it interesting liao but maybe too intense? Wont know until the debrief later.
For now just stoning infront of a PC in the staff lounge. Trying to get started on next week's lesson plans but failing to even work my brains... I should take out one period for composition corrections next week. So that I wont be shooting ahead in lesson without covering the mistakes they've made. Anyway all I want to do is to sleep. Actually I reached home and finished up the last of Tab's vcd, watching the Last Samurai. Okay lor but I fast-forward several times when it got too naggy. Played maple for 5% or 1hr then after dinner, fell asleep at 8pm and woke up at 10.30pm, and I missed the U think U can Dance. I really wanted to watch tat but I just dozed off. Then continued sleeping from 12am to 6pm. Boring existence but this coming friday and saturday sure burnt one. There is another event being put up and everyone is involved. So far they did not really throw much job at us cos we are protected under the trainee at NIE. But I still have to do 1-2 page write-up and powerpoint slides for 2 events. On friday have to help decorate and put up the finishing touches and on saturday is actual event and have to supervise my single event. Dun mind, dun have to do much. Pretend dunno also. If nobody ask, I dun borther.
Somehow I wouldnt really have cared that much except that we must pass the TP. It is compulsory to pass and failure is not an option. Well I just treat it as a normal lesson and soon forgot that my CT was at the back but feeling quite tired today. Just had a one hour english lesson, and maybe use too much power liao. Tried to make it interesting liao but maybe too intense? Wont know until the debrief later.
For now just stoning infront of a PC in the staff lounge. Trying to get started on next week's lesson plans but failing to even work my brains... I should take out one period for composition corrections next week. So that I wont be shooting ahead in lesson without covering the mistakes they've made. Anyway all I want to do is to sleep. Actually I reached home and finished up the last of Tab's vcd, watching the Last Samurai. Okay lor but I fast-forward several times when it got too naggy. Played maple for 5% or 1hr then after dinner, fell asleep at 8pm and woke up at 10.30pm, and I missed the U think U can Dance. I really wanted to watch tat but I just dozed off. Then continued sleeping from 12am to 6pm. Boring existence but this coming friday and saturday sure burnt one. There is another event being put up and everyone is involved. So far they did not really throw much job at us cos we are protected under the trainee at NIE. But I still have to do 1-2 page write-up and powerpoint slides for 2 events. On friday have to help decorate and put up the finishing touches and on saturday is actual event and have to supervise my single event. Dun mind, dun have to do much. Pretend dunno also. If nobody ask, I dun borther.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Work begins once more *groans*
Another term of school has begun and the usual grumbling about waking up at pre-dawn hours to catch a stupid direct bus to the mrt station.
The day before I was frantically trying to finish marking that stack of composition. Man, I had enough of stories about 'you breaking a vase accidentally'. By the time I managed to finish, it was eleven already. Packed up my stuff and wipes off the layer of dust on my tools and its eleven thirty. Went to bed and tossed and turned until I dozed off finally at some ungodly hours too.
Still it was a welcome break. I thoroughly enjoyed and relaxed as much as i possibly could.
Today so far at the P5 class things okay though I went without mike.
Left P4 class later on. Hope to end the day without a sore-throat.
Going to go to the gym after this, and damn forgot to bring handphone. SO cannot sms and disturb Tab. Tomorrow got observation by CT. Already did my part. Hope I wont fail. See how things go.
Another term of school has begun and the usual grumbling about waking up at pre-dawn hours to catch a stupid direct bus to the mrt station.
The day before I was frantically trying to finish marking that stack of composition. Man, I had enough of stories about 'you breaking a vase accidentally'. By the time I managed to finish, it was eleven already. Packed up my stuff and wipes off the layer of dust on my tools and its eleven thirty. Went to bed and tossed and turned until I dozed off finally at some ungodly hours too.
Still it was a welcome break. I thoroughly enjoyed and relaxed as much as i possibly could.
Today so far at the P5 class things okay though I went without mike.
Left P4 class later on. Hope to end the day without a sore-throat.
Going to go to the gym after this, and damn forgot to bring handphone. SO cannot sms and disturb Tab. Tomorrow got observation by CT. Already did my part. Hope I wont fail. See how things go.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Well, if u know me well enojugh, then I wont need to tell ya what I did over the holiday, right?
Just the usual.
I procrasinated until wed b4 I finally forced myself to finish up my lesson plans. But havent finish marking composition yet. Anyway as a reward. I went.... Mapling.
A new world was launched on Wed, Aqua World and I went diving there.
"Master, I am flyinggggggg! *Squeals*"
Btw my pig is now lvl 15. Means that I can make the pet say what I type. Heheh.
Too bad the obstacles were too easy for my current lvl but still it was good huntng. Today is just day 2 and me and brother and sister save one other, are done with that world liao. It will be back to the old world until another new world, Ludibrium is launched soon hopefully.
There is a maple cash item sale and since I had credits leftover, I bought a.....
A new box! (did u guess correctly?)
"Master, u look good in ur new recycled box! Oink oink"
Other stuff happening...
Last friday after Jap class, met up with ting and tab and went to jalan around in her car. Ate pasta and shopped around at Marina. Bought a new top with an owl, signifying this nightowl, and later we drove to Villa Bali. That drinking place near SAJC. I suddenly rembered Galiano, that root-beer tasting alcohol from last time and Tab ordered it with orange juice. Heavenly! My Mr Green pales in comparision. Later I ordered Galiano with orange juice too. Relaxing nite with new love... No more Gin for me, its Galiano now. (I've noticed I like things starting with letter G... eg Gackt! :P)
Today, went back to workplace to print out lessonplans and worksheet and FINALLY dragged myself into the Clementi ClubFit for a long-awaited (ever since Jul 21st 2005) abd first workout in a LONG LONG LONG time. I was tired of becoming a san1cheng2rou4 (3 layer meat ie skin, meat and fat layers)
How I fared?
I can still run, abt 1.2km at slightly less than 8 mins. But my arms and stomache strength all gone liao. At most do up to 15 in a set then buay tahan. BUT it feels good to work out. Less stressed also. Good appetite and feel like sleeping early tonight. Hmm that 3kg I lost, all gain back... sian. More workouts are needed.
Just the usual.
I procrasinated until wed b4 I finally forced myself to finish up my lesson plans. But havent finish marking composition yet. Anyway as a reward. I went.... Mapling.
A new world was launched on Wed, Aqua World and I went diving there.
"Master, I am flyinggggggg! *Squeals*"
Btw my pig is now lvl 15. Means that I can make the pet say what I type. Heheh.
Too bad the obstacles were too easy for my current lvl but still it was good huntng. Today is just day 2 and me and brother and sister save one other, are done with that world liao. It will be back to the old world until another new world, Ludibrium is launched soon hopefully.
There is a maple cash item sale and since I had credits leftover, I bought a.....
A new box! (did u guess correctly?)
"Master, u look good in ur new recycled box! Oink oink"
Other stuff happening...
Last friday after Jap class, met up with ting and tab and went to jalan around in her car. Ate pasta and shopped around at Marina. Bought a new top with an owl, signifying this nightowl, and later we drove to Villa Bali. That drinking place near SAJC. I suddenly rembered Galiano, that root-beer tasting alcohol from last time and Tab ordered it with orange juice. Heavenly! My Mr Green pales in comparision. Later I ordered Galiano with orange juice too. Relaxing nite with new love... No more Gin for me, its Galiano now. (I've noticed I like things starting with letter G... eg Gackt! :P)
Today, went back to workplace to print out lessonplans and worksheet and FINALLY dragged myself into the Clementi ClubFit for a long-awaited (ever since Jul 21st 2005) abd first workout in a LONG LONG LONG time. I was tired of becoming a san1cheng2rou4 (3 layer meat ie skin, meat and fat layers)
How I fared?
I can still run, abt 1.2km at slightly less than 8 mins. But my arms and stomache strength all gone liao. At most do up to 15 in a set then buay tahan. BUT it feels good to work out. Less stressed also. Good appetite and feel like sleeping early tonight. Hmm that 3kg I lost, all gain back... sian. More workouts are needed.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Hmm thanks quetzal for your frank opinion of me.
For now, my focus is to pass the TP. The good news is that the P is retiring. And possibly vp is following suit. HENCE most can breathe easy after that. BUT date not announced yet hence maybe end of the year. And the privacy issue that collegues have told me about.
I have a collegue who lives at exactly my area, only a few blocks away. I ever asked him what he thought abt the distance and work in our workplace. He was telling me that he appreciates the privacy. Cos most if not all students live in this area, hence he wont ever see them at our area. Cos he drinks and smokes, so he doesnt want them to see that side of him. As for the travelling in the morning, he wakes up at 5am and hopes on the first bus and train to school. Not to mention that he is the HAF club which meant have to be in school by 6.40am. Which incidently was what I did initially when I was in HAF club also. Hmm so it meant that I can wear my snake pants and walk around like a hood, go into pirated shops or arcades without worry of being seen by students. Suddenly Tab's disguise daily (Clark Kent stunt) at her workplace seems fun to do but then again I dun have the long hair to bun and I wear spectacles all the time...
The main gruse now is the fact that my stamina is low. I thought I was bad but the other trainee with me also told me that she felt tired constantly, sometimes dun feel like doing work, sleepy... the usual. So okay, I am not alone in feeling all these. I guess like during contract teaching, these things take a bit of time to get used to and develop the stamina.
Well at least yesterday I got more than enough stamina to jio Tab out for tea and jalan around Cityhall. The sad news is the end of my perpetual quest for Mushroom Monsters... It has been taken out of the menu and new stuff are added. Hence I tried the Killer Tomatoes instead. Taste good. Garlic bread with tomatoes, cheese, mushrooms toasted to a crispy snack...
Lemme side track, unfortunately before I met Tab, I had decided to go to the bank to deposit my coins. Remember last time I collected all the $1 coin daily and put them into a piggy bank and now that it was full, I had abt 700 coins. I vaguely remembered that my bank offered coin deposit service on thursday and brought the entire bag. Bloody Hell!!!! it was dmn heavy, macham like a 10kg rice. After work, went to bank only to discover that the coin deposit service was only until 11.30am!!!! So it meant that I had to lug my coins with me to meet tab. Hence I couldnt walk around alot due to the dead weight on my shoulders. OMG really heavy man!!! There were many times while walking around that I just wanted to spend it all away. "Look there is a phone, oh 300 bucks, okay nah... count these coins yourself," I had thought. Never was I so sorely tempted to spend so freely but then again thinking of the salesperson face... I took a bus home and went home... When I reached home, I dropped that bag and dumped that bag of coins on the table. Okay next week is holidays and I will definitely go to the bank to be rid of it... Next time no more piggy banks. My shoulders still aches.
For now, my focus is to pass the TP. The good news is that the P is retiring. And possibly vp is following suit. HENCE most can breathe easy after that. BUT date not announced yet hence maybe end of the year. And the privacy issue that collegues have told me about.
I have a collegue who lives at exactly my area, only a few blocks away. I ever asked him what he thought abt the distance and work in our workplace. He was telling me that he appreciates the privacy. Cos most if not all students live in this area, hence he wont ever see them at our area. Cos he drinks and smokes, so he doesnt want them to see that side of him. As for the travelling in the morning, he wakes up at 5am and hopes on the first bus and train to school. Not to mention that he is the HAF club which meant have to be in school by 6.40am. Which incidently was what I did initially when I was in HAF club also. Hmm so it meant that I can wear my snake pants and walk around like a hood, go into pirated shops or arcades without worry of being seen by students. Suddenly Tab's disguise daily (Clark Kent stunt) at her workplace seems fun to do but then again I dun have the long hair to bun and I wear spectacles all the time...
The main gruse now is the fact that my stamina is low. I thought I was bad but the other trainee with me also told me that she felt tired constantly, sometimes dun feel like doing work, sleepy... the usual. So okay, I am not alone in feeling all these. I guess like during contract teaching, these things take a bit of time to get used to and develop the stamina.
Well at least yesterday I got more than enough stamina to jio Tab out for tea and jalan around Cityhall. The sad news is the end of my perpetual quest for Mushroom Monsters... It has been taken out of the menu and new stuff are added. Hence I tried the Killer Tomatoes instead. Taste good. Garlic bread with tomatoes, cheese, mushrooms toasted to a crispy snack...
Lemme side track, unfortunately before I met Tab, I had decided to go to the bank to deposit my coins. Remember last time I collected all the $1 coin daily and put them into a piggy bank and now that it was full, I had abt 700 coins. I vaguely remembered that my bank offered coin deposit service on thursday and brought the entire bag. Bloody Hell!!!! it was dmn heavy, macham like a 10kg rice. After work, went to bank only to discover that the coin deposit service was only until 11.30am!!!! So it meant that I had to lug my coins with me to meet tab. Hence I couldnt walk around alot due to the dead weight on my shoulders. OMG really heavy man!!! There were many times while walking around that I just wanted to spend it all away. "Look there is a phone, oh 300 bucks, okay nah... count these coins yourself," I had thought. Never was I so sorely tempted to spend so freely but then again thinking of the salesperson face... I took a bus home and went home... When I reached home, I dropped that bag and dumped that bag of coins on the table. Okay next week is holidays and I will definitely go to the bank to be rid of it... Next time no more piggy banks. My shoulders still aches.
Monday, March 06, 2006
A Boulevard of Broken Dreams...
"I walked an empty road on a boulevard of broken dreams... dont know where it goes but to me its home, I walk alone...."
Frankly speaking, I knew nuts about any Singapore Dream or Plan at all. All that I knew is my father's constant nagging to get good grades BECOS they have an impact on your job next time and your pay too. Fair enough when u are in civil, the grades matter cos an honours meant 2 increment more. For those grades, I tried to excel but in the end when I got a merit, my dad wasnt so pleased. He much prefered an honours. For those grades, I gave up alot of other things, certain passion like badminton as a cca, given up for streaming exams and hence closed the doors at competitive badminton playing in secondary and jc. And so much more... Study was to be the only focus. Sign. Where did my grades left me?
After graduation, the job search was just as tough, the jobs experience just as menial. Then holding onto 2 jobs, a intern or temp and nite tuition, I had struggled to reconcile what I had learnt and what I was doing. Not much monetary returns either. I was so tired then.
Now I am in the education line, doing fairly. There is better money here and I can somewhat handle a class. BUT recently these thoughts came back with a vengence. Is it the manifestation of the Mid-life syndrome? Often I am tired. Sometimes going for jap class is a chore that I have to drag myself to. There are numerous games that I had little time to play. Even mapling is not a daily affair cos I feel sleepy around 4-5pm. True now I can give my parents pocketmoney, have a bit more time compared to previous working and tuitioning, can afford better things. BUT somewhat I seem to lose focus.
What or why am I working for now?
Every morning, I am almost always on the dot arrive. Cursing the morning for arriving so soon. Wanting to sleep more. I am the one who dashes out of the gates once the bell rings. I am the first one out if I can clear my stuff. I am the one who looks most forward to school holidays. What mentality am I having? Seems a student mentality. Cant wait for school to be over.
Then I looked at other collegues. They stayed minimum to 3pm and beyond on a daily basis. They have other duties like admin work on top of just teaching with marking. I seriously wonder if I can even do that for a month? Just look at my energy lvl now?!?
On days like today when my lessons dont go so well, I do get discouraged somewhat. I know that one has to learn from mistakes and move on but sometimes things are not so easy to get over with especially when you got less than 24hrs to the next meeting with the same class. I wonder how others do it? How can they stand it? Seriously I am having doubts over my abilities. Fair enough my maths is okay but my english is really atrocious. Two lessons so far and I feel I have bored the class to tears. How to even pass my practicum. Then again if not for the penalty, I wont even have minded. But as it is imperative to pass, I do hope I can clean up my act before the supervision. *BIG SIGN*
This is only partly what is causing my Quarter-life Syndrome cos on times I wonder y am I even working. Postponing my dreams thus far just to work for another 3 years. Somehow I postponed my dreams so long that I vaguely remember what it was that I wanted in the first place. Somehow I've lost sight of what I REALLY wanted, as opposed to what parents and other peeple's expectations. I just am confused.
Whenever I ask myself what is it that I really want?
My immediate answer would be to stop working and stay home and enjoy the time that is all mine. BUT is this realistic? *sign* maybe I am just so lost that I am going around in circles, but ever since I've started working, I really want to stop working...
Maybe I would be looking at no-pay leave. But that is still in the future, at least another few years down the road. But for now I am searching for some way to reconcile my hostility to working and my lost dreams. Am I thinking too much? or is this an internal struggle that each of us has to reconcile on our own?
So far I do not like my own answers. My sister asked me if I have so much complaints, y did I join? Well I am okay with it, not cos I love kids or anything... but there is something missing... Well as a means to answer this, I went to the GuanYin temple and qiu qian. The qian for work this year tells me to be patient though everything seems to be bare or no return. I am not sure if I can wait patiently... Not sure if this is accurate but given the last one is quite, I can only bite the bullet and ride it out.
Hmm incidentally, I asked about love also. A bad qian. Says the best is to remain who I am, at least that is the general message. Oh well. So single lor. No guys to bio but my dream guy...
"I walked an empty road on a boulevard of broken dreams... dont know where it goes but to me its home, I walk alone...."
Frankly speaking, I knew nuts about any Singapore Dream or Plan at all. All that I knew is my father's constant nagging to get good grades BECOS they have an impact on your job next time and your pay too. Fair enough when u are in civil, the grades matter cos an honours meant 2 increment more. For those grades, I tried to excel but in the end when I got a merit, my dad wasnt so pleased. He much prefered an honours. For those grades, I gave up alot of other things, certain passion like badminton as a cca, given up for streaming exams and hence closed the doors at competitive badminton playing in secondary and jc. And so much more... Study was to be the only focus. Sign. Where did my grades left me?
After graduation, the job search was just as tough, the jobs experience just as menial. Then holding onto 2 jobs, a intern or temp and nite tuition, I had struggled to reconcile what I had learnt and what I was doing. Not much monetary returns either. I was so tired then.
Now I am in the education line, doing fairly. There is better money here and I can somewhat handle a class. BUT recently these thoughts came back with a vengence. Is it the manifestation of the Mid-life syndrome? Often I am tired. Sometimes going for jap class is a chore that I have to drag myself to. There are numerous games that I had little time to play. Even mapling is not a daily affair cos I feel sleepy around 4-5pm. True now I can give my parents pocketmoney, have a bit more time compared to previous working and tuitioning, can afford better things. BUT somewhat I seem to lose focus.
What or why am I working for now?
Every morning, I am almost always on the dot arrive. Cursing the morning for arriving so soon. Wanting to sleep more. I am the one who dashes out of the gates once the bell rings. I am the first one out if I can clear my stuff. I am the one who looks most forward to school holidays. What mentality am I having? Seems a student mentality. Cant wait for school to be over.
Then I looked at other collegues. They stayed minimum to 3pm and beyond on a daily basis. They have other duties like admin work on top of just teaching with marking. I seriously wonder if I can even do that for a month? Just look at my energy lvl now?!?
On days like today when my lessons dont go so well, I do get discouraged somewhat. I know that one has to learn from mistakes and move on but sometimes things are not so easy to get over with especially when you got less than 24hrs to the next meeting with the same class. I wonder how others do it? How can they stand it? Seriously I am having doubts over my abilities. Fair enough my maths is okay but my english is really atrocious. Two lessons so far and I feel I have bored the class to tears. How to even pass my practicum. Then again if not for the penalty, I wont even have minded. But as it is imperative to pass, I do hope I can clean up my act before the supervision. *BIG SIGN*
This is only partly what is causing my Quarter-life Syndrome cos on times I wonder y am I even working. Postponing my dreams thus far just to work for another 3 years. Somehow I postponed my dreams so long that I vaguely remember what it was that I wanted in the first place. Somehow I've lost sight of what I REALLY wanted, as opposed to what parents and other peeple's expectations. I just am confused.
Whenever I ask myself what is it that I really want?
My immediate answer would be to stop working and stay home and enjoy the time that is all mine. BUT is this realistic? *sign* maybe I am just so lost that I am going around in circles, but ever since I've started working, I really want to stop working...
Maybe I would be looking at no-pay leave. But that is still in the future, at least another few years down the road. But for now I am searching for some way to reconcile my hostility to working and my lost dreams. Am I thinking too much? or is this an internal struggle that each of us has to reconcile on our own?
So far I do not like my own answers. My sister asked me if I have so much complaints, y did I join? Well I am okay with it, not cos I love kids or anything... but there is something missing... Well as a means to answer this, I went to the GuanYin temple and qiu qian. The qian for work this year tells me to be patient though everything seems to be bare or no return. I am not sure if I can wait patiently... Not sure if this is accurate but given the last one is quite, I can only bite the bullet and ride it out.
Hmm incidentally, I asked about love also. A bad qian. Says the best is to remain who I am, at least that is the general message. Oh well. So single lor. No guys to bio but my dream guy...
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Oh yar, I was on mc on friday. Cos I woke up with a bit of headache, cough and blocked nose. Dun think I could handle lesson for that day, and weighing the students' welfare vs my own health, I decided to take mc. Well just 9 days and I fell ill. Well to take things in perspective, for the term which commenced from Jan 3rd until last thursday, I did not fall ill. Friday was just the culmulation of an entire week of flu that finally brought me down. In fact I was happily sleeping until quite late. When I woke up, it was near eleven. After seeing the doctor and eating medicine, I slept until evening. Just pure unconsciousness, what a bliss! Of course I woke up feeling better.
Well now my extended weekend is ending. The good news is that next week there is some sort of CA going on, hence my lessons are halved. Just finished up the lesson plans for the week. Just hoping that the activities that I had planned do not back-fire in my face. Filed taxes, paid bills. Left with letter of employment and aNUS bond to settle. Then the march holiday is upon us. Yay!
My character at lvl 60 finally. Wear new clothes.
But sob sob not as much time to play Maple as I did in NIE.
Now whenever I can i try to play 10% a day. But sometimes dun play at all. Hmm I will still continue my adventures at Maple albeit a bit less frequent.
Well now my extended weekend is ending. The good news is that next week there is some sort of CA going on, hence my lessons are halved. Just finished up the lesson plans for the week. Just hoping that the activities that I had planned do not back-fire in my face. Filed taxes, paid bills. Left with letter of employment and aNUS bond to settle. Then the march holiday is upon us. Yay!
My character at lvl 60 finally. Wear new clothes.
But sob sob not as much time to play Maple as I did in NIE.
Now whenever I can i try to play 10% a day. But sometimes dun play at all. Hmm I will still continue my adventures at Maple albeit a bit less frequent.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Super Weight Loss Regime!
Ladies, if you have any weight issue that is troubling you. The ultimate weight loss regime with almost immediate results- teach.
Its just 1.5 weeks into practicum and today I weighed myself after a bread and a drink (late late lunch) and I've lost 3kg! Wow talk about almost immediate results! I couldnt believe it also, especially since I ate just before weighing. Oh well, u also can earn a livlihood and your voice gets louder and clearer.
Think the factor is the much reduced food intake. I dun really take breakfast b4 going to work. Then after first slot of lesson, eat a slice of bread and coffee. Then after school, take another bread or bits of rice or not eat until I go home. Dabao noodles for late lunch then later dinner is a few mouthful of rice as I am not hungry. Hmm just not hungry... and not to mention sometimes want to eat but things props up unexpectedly or I just want to finish asap and get out and not waste any time eating at the canteen. Rather eat outside and go home quickly.
On a light note, my Maple character is reaching lvl 60 real soon. Then change clothes again. Will show ya when that happens. Now I am not a meso millionaire anymore. I bought a weapon for 3.7m meso and am now bankrupt. Had to borrow some meso from sister to buy hp and mp pots. *Sob sob snivel snivel*
Ladies, if you have any weight issue that is troubling you. The ultimate weight loss regime with almost immediate results- teach.
Its just 1.5 weeks into practicum and today I weighed myself after a bread and a drink (late late lunch) and I've lost 3kg! Wow talk about almost immediate results! I couldnt believe it also, especially since I ate just before weighing. Oh well, u also can earn a livlihood and your voice gets louder and clearer.
Think the factor is the much reduced food intake. I dun really take breakfast b4 going to work. Then after first slot of lesson, eat a slice of bread and coffee. Then after school, take another bread or bits of rice or not eat until I go home. Dabao noodles for late lunch then later dinner is a few mouthful of rice as I am not hungry. Hmm just not hungry... and not to mention sometimes want to eat but things props up unexpectedly or I just want to finish asap and get out and not waste any time eating at the canteen. Rather eat outside and go home quickly.
On a light note, my Maple character is reaching lvl 60 real soon. Then change clothes again. Will show ya when that happens. Now I am not a meso millionaire anymore. I bought a weapon for 3.7m meso and am now bankrupt. Had to borrow some meso from sister to buy hp and mp pots. *Sob sob snivel snivel*
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