Observation from the 'other side'
Met a collegue from my batch of contract 'chers and also that ex-collegue from contract school. Interesting to note that the two of them are also posted bloody far from their homes. Beyond one hour and up to one and a half.
One tried to apply for transfer on grounds of wedding and moving even further, denied. The other loved her contract school too much and doesnt mind even though she too is getting married and shifting very near to the eastern end of Singapore while her workplace is in Bukit merah. One has gotten a car cos of the sheer distance. The other is intending to get one, once she is married.
Hmm in the 2 years since I had joined, things have moved on. About half are in the process of 'settling-down' be it marriage or even work-wise.
I am still floating around, anchorless and maybe.... not-so-free. Thinking of retirement, trying to pursue forgotten dreams and rekindle dying passions. To my best efforts, to live each day as it is, to stop and look at the blue skies above and inhale the fresh air, to stop and ponder about what life entails for me, to search endlessly for something even if its form is vague and incomprehensible at the moment.
At the moment, I cant imagine what its like to 'settle-down'.
The idea is too remote and alien-like. The prospective of that is too daunting- the matter-of-fact is once married, (in most cases) one cannot stop working to pay housing and car instalments. After when the kids come, one cannot stop working to pay for the education, and thereafter to save up for retirement.
The other prospect of 'settling-down' in a job especially my current industry would mean that I have to do the same thing in a routine manner through the years. It will be the same routine save for two things; I get older but my charges remain the same age.
Its too mind-boggling to comprehend my unwillingness to let go of my freedom. The freedom from work, not so much of marriage. Maybe true to my zodiac sign, I have always longed for freedom, be it physically, mentally or spiritually. This doenst manifest with having a travel-bug like my friends but a longing whenever I look at the skies. To shed the chains and responsibilities and soar and live freely.
To lift the analogy from the Matrix, how would those humans still plugged into the Matrix, know what true freedom is like, given they are plugged into the System in which they live out their entire lives. How would they know if the freedom of choice they had while plugged in is real or not? Is that freedom any lesser than that they experience once outside the System?
True the working and married life have their own promises of freedom, experienced by those who live out their lives in this manner. But is there no alternative freedom? Guess this search of freedom for me entails still much more than financial freedom.
Okay, that's all for my ramblings and deeper thoughts for now. Am not feeling too good, on my second mc, am going to see doctor, rest, maple a bit and finish up some *$&%# work. Maybe I should just chuck the work.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
2nd Year Anniversary
Today marks the 2nd year into my job. Actual experience is 1yr 3mths, rest of that is Nei time. Nothing much except have to hang in there. Today I chanced upon the forum, is only for educators one and requires a password n ID to login. It seems all educators have access. Inside I came to an interesting thread - Teachers are going crazy.
The posts are very insightful into issues like stress, IMH, possible types of pyschatric disorders that educators suffer from, burnout and many more. Many educators post their experience and it was an eye-opener indeed. (maybe tab should try to go in)
Some interesting points:
1) Bananas have a chemical that helps to surpress depression. (Eat a banana a day to keep the shrinks away)
2) If you cant change the way things goes, its time to change ur way of thinking. Dont be a perfectionist. Know and adknowledge ur limitations. Prioritise also.
3) If u can hang on, hang on, but if you have lost the passion and it eats into ur life, family, sanity, it's time to rethink or throw in the towel, if not suffer IMH.
4) At most is a 'D' grade lor.
Hmm interesting perspectives that got me to rethink about my situation.
F&$#* it all once the work is over. Rest is MY time. Get out of my head and thoughts. I cant be bothered. Yep and I am not the only one who sometimes have problem sleeping, especially due to observation. Some shared they take tranquisilers to calm down due to anxiety, others sleeping pills. For me, at most is watch anime, until fall asleep lor. Haha.
Nvm now, just finished my mapling, and I am putting on my dance shoes, going to Audition, then some more anime. Tom dun kill myself by going in too early, just go in normally lor.
Today marks the 2nd year into my job. Actual experience is 1yr 3mths, rest of that is Nei time. Nothing much except have to hang in there. Today I chanced upon the forum, is only for educators one and requires a password n ID to login. It seems all educators have access. Inside I came to an interesting thread - Teachers are going crazy.
The posts are very insightful into issues like stress, IMH, possible types of pyschatric disorders that educators suffer from, burnout and many more. Many educators post their experience and it was an eye-opener indeed. (maybe tab should try to go in)
Some interesting points:
1) Bananas have a chemical that helps to surpress depression. (Eat a banana a day to keep the shrinks away)
2) If you cant change the way things goes, its time to change ur way of thinking. Dont be a perfectionist. Know and adknowledge ur limitations. Prioritise also.
3) If u can hang on, hang on, but if you have lost the passion and it eats into ur life, family, sanity, it's time to rethink or throw in the towel, if not suffer IMH.
4) At most is a 'D' grade lor.
Hmm interesting perspectives that got me to rethink about my situation.
F&$#* it all once the work is over. Rest is MY time. Get out of my head and thoughts. I cant be bothered. Yep and I am not the only one who sometimes have problem sleeping, especially due to observation. Some shared they take tranquisilers to calm down due to anxiety, others sleeping pills. For me, at most is watch anime, until fall asleep lor. Haha.
Nvm now, just finished my mapling, and I am putting on my dance shoes, going to Audition, then some more anime. Tom dun kill myself by going in too early, just go in normally lor.
Holidays are a distant memory...
Yup the holidays came to an end, made shorter by 2.5days by work commitments. Didnt do anything constructive for work. Everything is pure lesiure. Yep after living with my bro over the 3 short days, it somehow strengthened my resolove to finsih up the bond and live there. Can be a bum for a year before I commit to anything. Hehe... only problem is that I would have to save up before then to be able to live comfortably for a while. Another problem arise, is that I cant bum forever. Eventually still have to work for a living. Unless can generate some passive income. Hmm still pondering about this....
Oh besides playing Maple, which I am still going strong, I downloaded and tried AuditionSea, after Tab mentioned about it. Hmm its a new game from creators of MapleStory, a dance game. Saw the cool advertisement at Shaw towers a few months back and decided to give it a go. Oh I am playing a female character using the same in-game-nick. Not too bad. Nice dance moves and some good tracks. Really wish I could dance like that.
After I told Tab about the same nick part, she mentioned the irony of it. Huh? Well Tab remarked the irony stems from the fact that during my peak hour - i would be mapling, and using a dagger to hunt and kill stuff. Whereas during the off-peak hour, I would be strutting my stuff and dancing around. Hmm I would agree with her. It somehow doesnt fit my image. Anyway just had a good dance day at Audition.
The funny thing is I am behaving as though I am still holidaying. Tom I have work but somehow I am still sleeping late. Playing Maple and Audition and even watching some anime from YouTube. Hmm only thing missing is being able to sleep til the sun shines and burns my backside. Well time to go, back to some anime before sleep.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Back
For those who didnt know, some stuff over at work got cancelled, leaving me with a 3-day break which I used to visit my brother in msia. So on tuesday morning, bloody early in the morning, got to the train station and got on the KMT train. Nothing much to say about the journey but it took 4hrs. Brought some work to mark, and didnt do it on the train at all.
Arrived there aound noon and my brother came and fetched us in his second-hand Kanchil. Itinery was easy. Eat lunch, go back. My kinda of holiday. Once there, we settled into the spare room and just sat around. I was slacking and playing a bit of maple, inbetween maple discusssion with my bro watching me play maple or he plays, I watch and discuss. That evening ate dinner and I came back and watched Doom while opening maple shop. Stupid movie. Duh. And I wont want to play the game and scare myself at every corner. Slept late cos was reading some comics.
Next morning Wed, woke up early to send my mom to do her hair and helped my bro get carry 2 cartons of mineral water. We dropped her off, with her friend to do hair. We settled our breakfast and lunch. Simple fare. Went around to a shopping mall to check out the pirated stuff, games, movies or cds but I didnt buy anything. No point if I cannot bring out. Bought a facial mositurizer for my sister. Her daily makeup usage is not doing wonders. Think she needs one. Dabao lunch, went back maple. Later go out for dinner, got dropped back at the house while my bro went for his tuition. Then around 10 he came back and fetched my mom also. Changeover. He maples, I read comics. Drops off to sleep.
Woke up bloody early at 530am to get ready to catch the 715am train. Man 3 days in a row is really crap. I need my sleep. Slept on the train journey. Inbetween got noisy and wild kids. Grr no mood to mark WS also, so dabao back. Wanted to clear later when back in singapore. Just couldnt. Sign. The life of my bro is not too bad. Relaxed and slower pace. Once I got back i went to the neighbourhood to return comic. Subconsciously I noticed I walked faster, I looked around, other people also walk pretty fast. Back to the grind I guess. Just another 2 and 3/4 year to go.
Tom is a full day course, dunno for wat crap use one. Just got to show my face. Hmm if try to clear tom and saturday. Will I die from the amount of marking?
Nevermind those crap, now I'll just go and try out the game AuditionSea and sleep.
For those who didnt know, some stuff over at work got cancelled, leaving me with a 3-day break which I used to visit my brother in msia. So on tuesday morning, bloody early in the morning, got to the train station and got on the KMT train. Nothing much to say about the journey but it took 4hrs. Brought some work to mark, and didnt do it on the train at all.
Arrived there aound noon and my brother came and fetched us in his second-hand Kanchil. Itinery was easy. Eat lunch, go back. My kinda of holiday. Once there, we settled into the spare room and just sat around. I was slacking and playing a bit of maple, inbetween maple discusssion with my bro watching me play maple or he plays, I watch and discuss. That evening ate dinner and I came back and watched Doom while opening maple shop. Stupid movie. Duh. And I wont want to play the game and scare myself at every corner. Slept late cos was reading some comics.
Next morning Wed, woke up early to send my mom to do her hair and helped my bro get carry 2 cartons of mineral water. We dropped her off, with her friend to do hair. We settled our breakfast and lunch. Simple fare. Went around to a shopping mall to check out the pirated stuff, games, movies or cds but I didnt buy anything. No point if I cannot bring out. Bought a facial mositurizer for my sister. Her daily makeup usage is not doing wonders. Think she needs one. Dabao lunch, went back maple. Later go out for dinner, got dropped back at the house while my bro went for his tuition. Then around 10 he came back and fetched my mom also. Changeover. He maples, I read comics. Drops off to sleep.
Woke up bloody early at 530am to get ready to catch the 715am train. Man 3 days in a row is really crap. I need my sleep. Slept on the train journey. Inbetween got noisy and wild kids. Grr no mood to mark WS also, so dabao back. Wanted to clear later when back in singapore. Just couldnt. Sign. The life of my bro is not too bad. Relaxed and slower pace. Once I got back i went to the neighbourhood to return comic. Subconsciously I noticed I walked faster, I looked around, other people also walk pretty fast. Back to the grind I guess. Just another 2 and 3/4 year to go.
Tom is a full day course, dunno for wat crap use one. Just got to show my face. Hmm if try to clear tom and saturday. Will I die from the amount of marking?
Nevermind those crap, now I'll just go and try out the game AuditionSea and sleep.
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