This week has really been one of the ultimate XIAN- with a capital X one of my lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.......................which might not last any longer if I am really insane enough to continue working. (if u r wondering why? Cos I took Kheldar's test on 'How sucidal r u?' and the result says that I am likely to commit sucide the next moment....sign) I guess in another 2 weeks, I will be officially unemployed! Yeah!

Well to begin, today was like yesterday.... early in the morning already in 'hot demand', asked to do this, do that.... Still feeling okay then...then go into the room...then hear one of the elder monkey nag and nag non-stop....my ears hurt....and i am really tempted to tell her to shut her trap! Then they switched off the radio that i was using as a distraction from my growing irritation..... (no wonder I am angst feeling, courtesy of another Kheldar's test)...I exchanged written notes with the other temp n mentioned that I would 'put' on my blackest face and see if anyone dare to piss me off...... no it seems.
Until it was like 3 mins to lunch....cos we were waiting for the clock to struck the magical time of twelve, then some of those apes in the same room just call us, telling us to go outside to do work....that really did it!...Why? Cos they were chatting themselves happily, dont wanna to go out too....then just find convenient people to call out....Just tell them that we were going for lunch already...but really when I got back, my mood was super foul..... Monkey J, who is a hardworking collegue or so it seems but she hides her feelings and thoughts....yet want to find out what others are thinking etc....want in on others secrets....etc, smiled at me, but i stared back.....and just went n do my work....I am in no mood to 'entertain' anyone anymore. Then I got stiff neck and felt sleepy so I tilt my head to my right while typing.....then she asked me why I do that.. I replied 'cos I Xain wat...' She gave me a look like warning me that the Supervisor is nearby, but I dont care.

Despite what others think of me, I am a person WITH feelings.....and if I dont like something, I am entitled to my thoughts and views. So if I find work xian, I will say that it is Xian! but I will still do my job inspite of what I feel..... But there is a point where I cannot surpress my feelings anymore. I cannot just pretend that things are okay and live with the lie....I can try to surpress the unhappiness or try to solve the problem. But when it reaches the stage that I have to constantly remind myself not to quit... the reasons why I am working etc....then it seems that if I deny this feeling that is threatening to explode, it feels as though I am killing myself from the inside, slowly becoming 'Numb'. At least I wanna be truthful to myself. It seems that my mind is made up with regards to this monkey job, I will definitely not be around in December. The only thing needed now is the fuse that would cause the explosion......