*sign.... just 125 more days to freedom....

sign...The age gap bet collegues is too great... mostly mothers or married... dun even have the energy to interact... cos I feel very exhausted. They all thot I sick or what then they thot tt cos I worked before, so 'should be' used to the hours... Well its been 3 weeks since I last worked... and not 9hr per day type.... Well when I'm tired esp dead tired not to mention brain-still-sleeping mode, I am very quiet... and just do my work-type. There are still many more days to go I guess...

Dunno if I come across as a pessimist but dun really have much positive stuff to say nowadays about the present.. No wonder sometimes I keep on looking forward to the future (more of my days of freedom) or dwell in the past (more to looking back at my days of freedom)...

Sometimes we are all so caught up in our work and other activities that we fail to stop a while to notice how blue the sky is.. how beautiful the sun-rise is... and then realise that u are missing out on something... and signed when u realise that u are indeed small in this bigger world out there... Unfortunately before u can finish ur philosophical thoughts, the bus or train turns into the tunnel.... and u hurry back to the 'rat-race'. To those, I saw this and found it highly meaningful:

"Happiness never comes to those who fail to appreciate what they already have"

It is only after my hectic schedule that only sees me back in home after the sun has gone down.... on days of tuition, reach home around 1030 or later.... on weekends, out the whole day... Not much time spent with family. They are understanding of my hectic schedule, supportive. They are one reason for me working so hard.... esp with regards to getting a perm job. But sometimes I forget to appreciate the time together. I have to keep that in mind... and constantly remind myself to adhere to that. That in working hard, I dun forget what is REALLY important.

Well Merry Christmas to all, though mine is a sad one.... got out of the office around 4 plus, reached home 5, then rush for tuition 6.30 plus. Arrived home 10.45pm... Well not that I celebrate anyway but the so-called 'half day' is really a fraud... and everyday still have to ask if i can go... damn... i feel like a kid. I only feel like either drowning my sorrow and exhaustion in alcohol... or just sleeping. I guess that is the best medicine I can get... Tom I'll just stay home with family and Fri is going to be a LONG day and dinner with JC friends. I should try to settle in but I am fighting it constantly.... cos I dun wanna be caught up in this routine, and be numb abt doing the routine... Many others whom I have met and asked, told me that that is the deal. It is normal to be numb. Job is nothing much more than for the $$ and something u cant help but still have to do chore. But that violates what I want from a job. I dun expect challenge everyday or what colourful days... but just a sense of ownership and responsibility and decision-making. Sounds idealistic? Well guess I havent learnt my lesson well. I am an idealist in heart and still hold onto my dreams.