Well just peered at Kheldar's thoughts, which are deep and intense about the dilemma that many of us face. Hmm hey Kheldar, didnt know u were so deep. Was it the coffee? :P

"What sort of life should one choose to lead?"

"Should one 'suffer' now working n slogging away the best years of one's life so that one can 'enjoy' thy fruits of one's labour in middle age or retirement?"

Currently I have worked for almost 6 mths, all under the umbrella of justifications that I have mentioned many a times already; experience, exposure, economic benefits and education bond, I wonder what other Es have I forgotten to include? But in return for my 'hard work', all that I have gotten so far are; lack of sleep, lack of energy, lack of time and lack of money. Why? Cos I am still lowly-paid... Mine is still not a 'real' job. It is very sad, that on weekdays, beyond say 9pm, I start to stone and exist in a zoombie-like manner. This is really a pity cos on occassions where I went out with friends, I really cannot function anymore, but just look and feel tired. My daily reserve of energy is really used up. Thankfully friends understand. Though my social life really suffers.

Then Reality still BITES. I am still trying to overcome and trying to reconcile Reality and Dreams. Why do I feel that I am slowly losing my dreams as well. Just too tired and caught up by the Realities of life, I guess, to even look beyond the tunnel-vision that I am currently seeing the world in... But I still try to stop in my steps, and enjoy the flowers by the roadside, a short breather, before I brave the storm ahead. In fact in my life, I have seldom looked at the sky unless I have 8am tutorials. But now that I work, I always peer at the blue cloudy sky, with the just-rising sun. I now appreciate the day has just begun, the fact that I am witnessing the begining of the day. Well it feels good to feel the breeze against one's face. The air is also fresher and sweeter.

Well that is the good part. There is also the bad part: before u could even enjoy the day that has just begun, or appreciate the beautiful sunrise, U have to hurry and run to catch the 7.40am bus. Then u hurry ur footsteps, matching the rest of the hurried ones, and glance quickly at the signboard that displays the estimated time u have left to race to the MRT platform and clammer onboard the train. Depending on the time, say 7.50am, there is still some though uncomfortable bit of space to stand, but around 8am, its "sardine packing time!" Duh, whatever good mood that one felt when u saw the sunrise and sky, is tarnished by either 1)someone stepped on your vulnerable feet, claded only in naked sandals,

2) the combination of sweat (very little) and all sorts of perfume, only serve to numb one's sense of smell. Whatever sweet smell of the fresh air u inhaled, and whatever good that did to your lungs, was lost when u inhaled one breath of this toxic mixture.... Well that gets worst on the return journey, where BO comes into play.....

3) there u are trying to sleep while standing up, and some assh*les just keep pushing in.

4) ever played this game, where u try to squeeze into the train but it is too crowded so u r inches from the door, when it closes, u do this 'Titanic' hand thingy on the closed door.... WHO ever said that there is no games to play besides those in handphones nowadays.

Well what can I say. Then after this hazardous journey, one reaches the office. U can only get one last glance and utter a soft sign (or swear word) before u step into the artifical environment of the OFFICE. The next look at the sky is lunch provided that its not too sunny, but it also feels good, when u come out of some Artic in the equator and warm ur cold fingers under the sun's heat. (not too long though). And as the hours ticked away, and the day is ending, if u r lucky enough not to OT, then u might just catch the setting sun, on ur way home thru bio-warfare n exhaust modes of transport. Then u wonder to urself if all this sh*t n cr*p are all even worth ur time. I must be Persius, cos Medusa stares at me, and I start stoning... "Man, I am sooooo tired, only thing I want to do is bathe, eat and sleep..." "!!!!, what already 12.30am? hey what did I do just now, after bathing..... err I cant remember....but I still want to do this n this n that. Sh*t F*ck, well got to do that tom then.... Better sleep now or never....ZzzzZ" But when tomorrow comes along, the same thing happens. Its just like a tape-recorder....

In the end, I came to one conclusion, I dun like to work. Esp if hrs long, if work dull, if pay low. Man I wanna retire! I want to enjoy the best times of my life. Nian2 Qing1 Shi4 Ben3 Qian2 (youth is money) If one overwork and use up this 'money' who is there to give it back to u, when the only thing then u have is just money? I am still working for my dreams, but I want to have more energy to pursue my other interests. I also dun want to burn myself out like a candle, though life is also burning away every second of the day. There is no work, that is more important than your health.

---------Internal Bleeding---------------