Ramblings....

It was not so long ago, during an event on a saturday 3 weeks back that a student showed me an article, the title "What would you have done, if you have several millions?" My response to that two students was,

"Well IF I have a few million, the only thing I can confirm is - I'll be an Educator no more."

But they continue asking, about the things I will be doing during my free time. I just told them, I'll do things that I feel like doing, like doing, go places where I feel like going, want to go.

"Eeeks, after a while it will be very sian one.",one replied.

Well I will bet to differ.

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Fast forward to last Sunday. My sister is complaining a bit, cos we had gone out to another buffet lunch and when we reached home, went online to play a bit of NeoPet and Maplestory. Then she said,

"Yucks, this is kinda sian, got free time then just play games, life is just so empty..." Not that she doesnt have other activities to do eg play her er hu but she just login. Later she was watching videos on YouTube.

I heard what she said and replied to her,

"Well I am rather happy having time to do the things I like, instead of having to defer them, or no energy etc. I'll rather do this all day. Tom will be Monday, later you want to do what you want, also no time or energy. Would that be better?"

To which she remarked "Yar at least work will give me a purpose. At least doing something meaningful."

Our conversation ended there, not that we were arguing but it struck a chord. A couple of years back when I had just graduated, I had similar thoughts too. Fast forward, my thoughts have taken a 180o turn. Who would have expected that, definitely not me.

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I looked at my Dad, who be retiring after Sept. He seems to be trying very hard to adjust himself to the extra time, the fact that he can come home on time and even the weekends. Last time up til recently, he worked hard. I would not see him from 8am til sometimes as late as 8pm. Even weekends he went back to the office to finish up some work. Now that his health is not so good, reached the age of 61, retiring real soon, he seems to be lost.

He'd be up late, as late as 2am. Or up early, as early as 4am in the morning (woe to me who is woken up by the bright light or tv sounds) He doesnt seem to know what to do on weekdays when he comes home. Eat dinner, drink wine, watch tv until he dozes off... Later wake up again, switch on tv and continue.

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Is this the life I want? Previously 4 years earlier, I would have viewed this as a norm. The price to pay for doing a job, earning income. An inevitable outcome of being an employee. Being eager to repay my bond, it seems even if I didnt like it, there is no way around it.

Fast forward to now. My priorities have really changed. My time and health and energy level is important. I can manage very easily to find things to fill my time, be it playing games, reading more books, comics, going out, looking at the sky etc.

I do not really need a job to provide me with the purpose to live through one day.

I can find plentiful of things to do that serve the purpose I want. I guess I want more control of my time n effort. To channel it to somewhere I value more, than say spending 1hr 10mins daily to travel home.

The regret again stems from my tight timetable. Irritating that I cant take JLPT 4 cos it falls on thurs, which is one of the 2 class slots for Lvl 5. Tried going for weekday jap lesson before, either reach late cos very far, or take cab then jam and expensive, or reach there then stone n regret going. Dun want a repeat for the other things I wanna do eg Guitar. Still havent commited to anything else besides the weekend Jap course. Dont really know if I have the energy, cos educators so many things, teach, admin, cca plus training after work up to 100hrs plus meeting. Its just not so worth it.

Before I get carried away with my complaints, lets just end it. The gist is I dont need work to give me a sense of purpose. Maybe an income, yes. At least until eventually the remote hope of getting a few million to spare comes along...

*Dream........... dream dream dream*