Dont Live to Regret

Hmm felt very tired, a whole spell of tiredness desended upon me after I had gone out to dabao food, had to wait for half an hour cos still early for some food stalls to finish their opening and stuff, so headed to Ginza to 'kill time'. Went to supermarket to buy bread, check out exchange rate. Yet my Yong Tao Fu stall still not finished setting up so waited another 15mins for them. Then dabaoed also Chinese Rojak and Zar Cai Fan for Dad.

Came back to empty home. Dad had sent Geoky out, I guess to MRT and then he went to buy his wine and stuff. I ate my bruch, watched 2 crime shows I recorded. Then he came back and then I felt very tired. Though I hadnt gone to gym, study jap and practiced guitar, I decided to drop them in favour of sleep.

Went to sleep around 3pm, then woke up its already near 7pm. Dont think can make it for gym, also dont feel up to it. Ate my Fruit Rojak for dinner. But cos mom came back, then she went downstairs to pack noodles and horfan, I ate some of them too. After dinner, feeling sian dunno cos is it didnt head out, didnt do much or the fact that the problems are not over anytime soon, decided to practice guitar instead.

Sat's guitar lesson was very taxing. Not used to the instructor's style. He is very fast and teaches many things. Some things he mentioned I have NO idea, cos he taught his class earlier in the modules, some is Musical theory, which I really dont have much knowledge. Though I had practiced about 3 times from Last Sat, I am that proficient in the current song. So in the lesson, missed at times esp when the songs are generally fast. Come out feeling sian, frustrated at myself and the lesson. But today after practicing, getting the hang of it. Need to practice more I guess?

At times like now, I still feel aimless. I guess this is how my whole life will be like. I seem to be searching for a higher aim/purpose though I understand at the back of my head that there is NO such. Hence its up to u to make meaning. Though I am doing a fair bit of stuff, my schedule involves from 3-5 weekdays out from late afternoon onwards, now even include a Sat. Yet the feeling of aimlessness doesnt leave me. Its more like IF I am busy enough, I dont think about things. I guess that's a partial function of a job, to keep u busy and tired enough, not to ponder on too many things in your life.

Generally I think many people are NOT HAPPY with their lives. Be it in terms of looks, money, job, family, other half or lack of other half, feelings of loneliness, worries of future, plagued by illness. There are aspects of happiness to be found if one looks closely but MANY REGRETS if one just generally think back on their earlier years.

At times, I feel it is important to MAKE PEACE with oneself. So like yes you had given up something then due to circumstances, BUT now are u able to pick it up? Yes you had lost an opportunity then, but what about now? I find if one can be at peace with the regrets, there is more inner peace and the same cycle wont happen repeatedly throughout one's life to create more regrets.

And of course it is easier said than done.

Dont live to regret, is something else that I am striving for besides living out one's dreams. I think they are different sides of the same coin.

I have briefly re-read through 4th set of jap notes to recap cos I did that about 2 days back. Think tomorrow then I do 5th set in case it affects my sleeping. I will try to tune my body clock back to normal timing. Hope to work towards 9am then 8am and sleep around 11.30pm, 12am. I will try.