A sense of aimlessness

Dunno why this feeling of 'aimlessness' is coming back. Its like are there better things to be doing with my time. Especially the weekends. Stay home, watch videos and sleep are not that productive....

This could partly be the stopping of the exercise routine, hence more 'time' on hand plus I was sick for about 2 weeks and assignment stopped for almost a month. So with the extra time on hand, without much to do, I do question 'where' exactly am I heading towards? What am I building for myself?

I have resumed the Gym routine this week. So far, I've clocked in twice. Today later in the late afternoon, I shall aim for the 3rd which is pure cardio. Hope to keep to it consistently. Its really tough to start again once one stops.

Could also be the fact that almost hitting the big 3 soon plus see friends getting married. I am heading nowhere in that aspect. Not that marriage would be the instant step to happiness but its a progression somehow 'more forward'. I am stuck in this stage for now. Guess its the concept of a soul-mate that is appealing but going nowhere there.

But I guess mostly it comes about from the ageing. As one gets older, wish to 'move forward in life'. Somehow. The prospect of a lonely life gets more and more of a certainity. Yet one can never not be lonely. Even when surrounded by family and friends, the feeling of loneliness doesnt completely leave. The simple fact is that no one else can exactly understand completely what are the thoughts and worries in our head. Unless we voice it out, even so, not everyone can completely comprehend it to your perspective.

Also when one gets older, then start wondering, what achievements are there that I've achieved. Looking back, there are definitely triumphs and loss yet none are outstanding enough to reckon recognition. Definitely not in the millionaire grade nor the wealthy, nor achieve fame. But is that what I want? Definitely much more money is something but that doesnt explain everything...

Then one realises that's what LIFE is about.

Hmm this could just mean that I've once again been covered by the 'dust from daily life' that I hadnt had the time enough to brush off. Think the coming holiday in late Dec, I shall take a short time-out to rejuvenate.