How to make a yenn

Ingredients: 5 parts success 5 parts silliness 3 parts energy

Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little curiosity if desired!

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Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

How to make a internal bleeding

Ingredients: 5 parts pride 5 parts self-sufficiency 1 part joy

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of caring

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Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

How to make a yennhellbound

Ingredients: 1 part intelligence 3 parts humour 3 parts

Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lovability

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Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

How to make a monkey hellbound

Ingredients: 5 parts anger 5 parts humour 5 parts

Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Serve with a slice of caring and a pinch of salt. Yum!

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Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Hehehe... Just an interesting quiz i plagurise from flyingmonyet's blog. Its fun to try out all my nicks and compare it to what I was then.....Well its alot more 'relevant' given my current Uni friends are drinkers.

This weekend has been okay so far... I really think I am becoming workaholic, while I still feel very anxious abt my lack of perm or contract jobs, at least I am not rotting at home. Well frankly, if there is any way whereby I can not work, yet have a constant cash in-flows then maybe I wont want to work for money. My complaint is the lack of money. I want to get higher paying jobs... So far through my assignments, I have gained some exposure but there are 2 aspects lacking. One is the full set of responsibilities cum training AND most importantly the PAY and benefits, or the lack of it. Its enough to support me but not nearly enough for so many other things and expenses... If I have to work long hours, little rest and lack of social life, I might as well do it for a much much higher pay. Just wished lobangs will come my way for a change. Sign..

Well today really had some good but expensive food, a treat from Eric, a jap-class friend whom me and my friends helped out. Crystal Jade Kitchen and Spinelles and a ride back home and a nice long and interesting (omoshiroi) chat. Well just got to kambatte for next week's Jap exams to proceed on to level 2. One more step closer to my life-long dream of the language, going to Japan, living and breathing the air over there. Hopefully I can find what I seek... (saving up is another...)

At this point, still very unsettled... with regards to employment and income, as well as reality, dreams and expectations. Many have told me that at my age, 23, its too young... but I feel old somewhat. My bright-eyed views are tapered by the experiences I had, and still are. But I still hold stubbornly to my dreams and goals. They are the light to guide my actions for the dark uncertain times and for the future.

I wonder if self-delusion or selective perception is at work. Anyway there is only one life, I wish to live to the fullest. Yet at this point, I am not adhering to it, always holding back for another time in the future. Sometimes I wonder if its possible for me to lose control completely and be completely truthful to myself. Hmm... so far I havent really let loose, except on occassions. I guess once was when me and some good friends went to Zouk some years back, and times when I feel seriously pent up, that I would suspend judgement and thinking, and just do what immediately comes to mind. Eg: "I want to go out", okay and I'm out of the house before I know it. Basically whatever I want to do then and there (except killing the person or anything illegal) , I would do it. Think the proper term is 'fed-up'.

I used to be more of a thinker but through my Uni days and bit of work, I am becoming a doer. I plan my actions then implement according to the battle plan. Want to be an even more spontaneous person. Assertive and respected. Want to experience much more of the world out there and learn so that I will grow to be more than what I am. Still not complete as a person.

Its exactly three weeks from my last job.

In this short time,
-I was sick for one week
-Went for 3 interviews and rejected for all 3
-Went out with JC friends, Karoke, pool, dinner
-Went out with Uni friends, drinking, dinner, classes
-Twice weekly tuition and Jap class
-Johor Citysquare shopping for anime (got Shaman King)
-Finish watching Shaman King in 3 days

Well just accepted a temp assignment, hence returning to monkeying ways. This time, its really for the MONEY, even if its not much. Duration one month, will continue to search actively for work and career-building.

The fact is that I cant seem to relax much though I'm at home. Its like an unfamilar feeling, and I feel bad- cos I am suppposed to work but am still not in a proper job. Hence I was really frustrated for a while. Not depression but bitter, I guess that for some others, things seem to go fine, but not for me. Dun worry, after a while I calmed down and straightened my thinking.

I should not let work rule me. My working days have only just begun. I should try to enjoy the process and pursue what is true for me. Though I am anxious about the unknown future, feel lost somewhat, but I guess that is just one stage one has to go through.... It is really painful, no-one told me that work is hard, job search is hard. The disappointments, the ego-bashing, the pain and also the joys.

The past one year has been tough. Not say I am pessimistic. Its my genuine feeling upon looking back on what I did. I am currently reading a book: Monkey Business - Swinging thru the Wall Street Jungle, its an interesting perspective from a junior in the world of investment banking. Hilarious style of writing. I also share some of their sentiments, they being newly employed, what they saw and did. There are differences though, they being highly paid but disillusioned but me lowly paid monkeying around in Operations. An easy to read book from the library.

I am still going about on my path. I hope to be more settled in terms of work and PAY. I wont give up so easily, I might be side-tracked or distracted, but I will persist.

There is still one minor thingy up and coming, JAP EXAMS!!!! Have to find time to study.

Given my last day is last wednesday, its been slightly longer than a week into being an 'unemployment statistic'...

Hmm also given that I fell ill on Friday, tomorrow would be one week into my illness...

Well? Not doing much currently, just hibernating at home until I am 'forced' to step out of the house by necessities - food, drinks, pay bills, buy comics, Jap lessons and some interviews. Yes. Its been only 1 week and I had 2 interviews already, 3 if u count the job agency. Well I screwed up the first one really bad (refer to earlier entry) and today's one was actually okay. Well at least my answers are more structured compared to the first one. The location is at Tuas, at another industrial estate. Dunno if I would get thru to second round but at least I walked out of the interview feeling a bit satisfied with some of my answers.... Still not very polished at this stage. At least I didnt feel that it was a waste of time.

Why am I out looking for job when I am still so-newly unemployed? Well cos my parents have started nagging at me, then the calls start coming... Now is the hiring period, I guess. I am still confused abt certain job-related issues but have to try to attend these interviews to practice and re-examine what I really want. The TRUTH? (Highest Amt of Money for the Least Amt of Work) but its only a dream at this point.

Hey, sorry I was off-line for a while... been busy and ill for the last few days. Still ill at this point.

Actually I really wanted to put down how I felt after 6 mths... on the actual last day but when I came home after the nite out, I was too tired to do so.

Basically I really felt lost and immensely frustrated the day before, cos it seems for naught. I know I wanted to do something else and that the pay was too low to continue for long. I knew I justified my reasons for staying on until the end, and really couldnt wait to move on. Yet when it finally came down to the remaining few days, I really had mixed feelings. There are the good and bad pple, experiences and work. I will miss the good part and strive to forget the negative aspect, but deep down, I was still glad it was over. I am really mentally, emotionally and physically tired. I really wondered what have I learnt in this, about myself and the work that I did. I was a bit upset then and my Sup had a long chat with me. She was nice enough to listen and highlighted some perspective to look at the entire experience. I was grateful for the input cos I was too lost to see beyond the veil of darkness that covered my eyes. Again I realised too late that my Sup is a okay person. I will strive to move on, learn and change with every experience, be it good or bad.

The last day was interesting cos my Sup actually asked me to play my guitar after lunch. I had asked her for permission to bring the guitar. But my voice is a bit soft and most didnt sing along as they dun know the songs. Well my skills abit rusty also. After that met up with Uni friends at the Esplanade. The view of the setting sun is very peaceful to watch. Then later we went drinking at Wisma. I really appreciate friends for coming down to celebrate with me, inspite of their work or leisure.

The next day, my JC friends jio me to go the KTV in Clementi to sing karaoke. Okay except that I had to go down to some job agency interview in afternoon and by time I got home, I had a quick shower and off I went to the karaoke. It lasted for 4 hrs. My throat was hurting. We did sing ourselves hoarse, with power songs like 'its my life' or high pitch songs 'one nite in beijing'. For most chinese songs, I only sang verses, cos I only heard that part before. Again my genuine thanks to friends for this invitation.

Then on Friday, had an interview which i screwed up big time cos first I got lost in the industrial estate and was led on a wild goose chase. Then I didnt have much time to prepare for interview. I was not mentally prepared to even take on a job in my current condition. Didnt structure my answers to the position nor what they wanted to hear. And I told them what I REALLY wanted to do for my career. I guess I wouldnt be chosen. On top of that my voice was really hoarse, from the previous nite's karaoke. The place was far from my home too. So after the interview which I felt was really a waste of time, I had to travel home to fetch my Jap notes for jap classes. I was already not feeling so good. Tired, coughing, sore throat. But Jap was okay. Fun with all the Q&A with Krynnder. Q 'Who is the most beautiful person in the world?' A 'Me'
Talk about a boost of the ego. But that nite I fell really ill.

Saturday, a day of nuahing around and feeling ill.

Sunday, still nuahing around and still ill.

Monday, I swear I will dam my nose to avoid flooding my home in my mucus. Still ill.

Dunno abt going anywhere for now. Just want to rest, relax and pick myself up. If I can, I really dun wanna work. Retire young. That is my biggest dream.

Pple often confidentally ASSUME that I will be successful somehow but I really have no clue how to be successful. In fact I find that in some areas like communication and people skills, I am not successful at all. I am socially inept. Sign. That will be something to work on. As to striking it rich, to be realistic, I still need to work for a decent pay to accumulate the capital.... What later moves depends until then.

....Finally the liberating day of freedom that has eluded this poor, sleep-starved, foul creature that was formerly called Hellbound, is at the door-steps. In another measley two days to eternal salvation.. The pitiful creature formerly known as Internal Bleeding shall EXIST no more. In its place is just plain, old Yenn....

..The Yenn that will be heading down to town and enjoying coffee in the cafe while the office crowd whizzes by; the Yenn that will be happily strumming her guitar and singing her unemployement song at the Esplanard on a sunny and windy afternoon, while the rest toiled in sub-artic temperatures; the Yenn that live in the alternate reality of games, manga and animation; the Yenn that could sleep until the cows come home....

Before long though, its going to be back to the Rat-race, or I would call it 'bond-serving time' cum peanut hunting time. But this time, I just want to get a banana, cos I am damn SICK of peanuts. Notice how HARD peanuts are to get, how DIFFICULT earning the peanuts are, eating too much can result in INDIGESTION, and on top of that note how LARGE a banana is compared to a measley peanut. Get the picture?

I wanna play an electric Guitar too

Just on sunday, I went down to the Streetfest at a stage near to Hereen. The theme was Japan including Cosplay, J-pop, J-rock and gothic. Errhem... Kheldar was the one who jio me there, in fact she arranged a time like one week in advance. Yet again, due to her Dory-like scheduling (she got a Dory comb too...) she forgot about it and went instead to catch Dragonfly.... Zhong(4)Se(4)Qing(1)You(3) In the end... as a good and caring friend who does not wanna see her spend her life lonely with only a cat and a dog, I went down. (One more strike to the Jackpot)

Anyway met up with a JC friend, who is also working in the same Company as me, but she is faring way much better.... Well the band performance started by the time we got there, and there were alot of gothic/j-rock cosplayers. Some of the gals are super-sexy and pretty. Well you do see not-so-good ones but hey they are brave enough to go around under the hot sun dressed in laces and all. So thumbs up for them. Not many cosplaying guys but saw one particularly good one. Not that he is handsome or what. Its just that it really seems believable that he came out of a gothic comic. He had a scarf tied round his neck, covering his face, spikey hair and wore this cool blue and black long sleeve tight outfit. Cool! But not handsome.

The music was good, especially one band, err I think their name starts with 'E' something. They did mostly Dir En Grey numbers, and for those songs I knew, the band was right on. The music was almost exact. I also liked their Chinese compositions, along the music style of J-rock. Man I love the little melodies inside the songs played on the second guitar. The band members are more seasoned and the lead singer is good vocally. Strong vocals. I was trying to catch some guitar playing by observing the guitarist. I also wanna play those J-ROCK songs. I appreciate J-rock not only for the visual element (cosplaying and sometimes ultra-cool outfit and makeup) but much more for the music. THEY are differenent from western rock but the melodies and tunes are really GOOD, esp the guitars and bass. Very strong mix. Very angry, hyper, melanchody or sad. Even inspiring at times. For those keen for a taste. I recommend:

Dir En Grey - Garden (very rockish song)
Lar en ciel - Blurry Eyes (inspiring and uplifting)
Gackt - Seki Ray (ultra dramatic and difficult to sing)
Gackt - Last Song (very unique way of doing his voice, motivating)

These are my all time favourites. Listen almost everyday. Different moods and styles. A bit niche, but hey as long as its nice.

Well here I am, still awake at the ungodly time of 1.12am blogging away, on a Saturday nite.. well make that a Sunday morning. Its almost routine. Cos I wanna stretch my weekends and not let them pass too soon.

I too, have a surreal feeling - cannot believe that I won my own 'Survivor' challenge. My prize is not a million dollars (I wish), its an electric guitar I promised myself. First I have to 'boah' around a bit first for a good offer. There is the Spore Sale going around n I might want to stock up on some office wear, maybe lenses, shoes so it kinda clashes with my guitar prize cum peanut reserve. So boh bian, have to prioritise my purchases.

My jeans and office pants are a bit loose, esp the waistline. Cos I've lost some weight. The funny thing is that I gain the weight back after the weekends thru eating alot and nuahing at home, only to loose them over the weekdays when I work. I dun mind the loss though, only if want to lose, might as well go all the way to my ideal weight, which is like another few more kilos :) See if I can stay slimer and healthier. Will resolve to exercise 3 times a week continuously, and not start-stop-start-stop regime that I am currently doing.

In Office, there are more temps n interns coming in. For some of them, just after their first day of work they xian already. Then I would say to them "hey pal, look at me, I've been here almost 6 mths loh... U not qualified to say that u r bored.." :P
Then some ask when would I be leaving. I told them less than two weeks, and the immediate reaction was "Huh, so fast. So good..." Again, my reply "Fast meh? hey I've been here almost 6 mths already...." :O The younger generation are more fun to hang around with, not to mention that a few of us sit at the DE area. So started chatting, sharing experiences and jokes. Makes tough work bearable and the hours seem to pass alot faster. Another 8 more working days to go. So nowadays I try to prod myself to actively send out resumes but just too fatigued to do so. Still got lots of catching up to do for sleep, some self-study, PSII gaming, Gun-bound gaming.

Tom going for a Cosplay cum band performance. Hope the music will be good, costumes too. Yep that's all for now.