Well its been a long absence since the last post. Reason being the same - Work. I ever wonder if it is remotely possible to achieve work-life balance at the rate I am going. Its not that I did not try to leave earlier, eg 3pm plus but by the time I reached home its about 4.30pm. Magically the time that is left seems so much shorter.
Kinda feeling very shagged at the moment. Partly cos 2 consequtive whole Sats have been burnt by CCA and NE Parade. Then these couple of weeks have been really long. Just this week, I will be down for stuff everyday. Its no wonder some collegues are all falling down with mc. I got mc 2 weeks back, dun think I should take another.
Also the daily morning epic battle with my stomache and the sensitive bowels is draining my energy. Its not so bad in the normal office hours but in the mornings, its kinda sensitive to any trace of food and drinks like plain water.
Another couple more mins to the start of work again.... Having lived past my very heavy monday and tuesday. Today also kinda heavy.
My life kinda sucks now.
Just yesterday, I was mildly contented with myself though I had left later cos I did extra stuff for 1 student and settled a discipline issue and I was even contemplating signing up for that guitar course during the Sept holidays.
Then this morning, I woke up so shagged that I just want to go home immediately after work today to sleep. BUT today have NAFFA test, I am down until dunno what time. Then got Meeting. How to even get my sleep? Was wondering if I really have the energy to go for guitar classes? But if I let it get to me, when will I ever learn to play better?
A collegue remarked that one has to learn how to create time. Well if one lives closer and dun have to spend so much time commuting, I guess I would have an extra 2 hrs daily to do the stuff i really want to.
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To end off from where I left, I continued my day and had a kinda of a bad one. Then that bloody parent come n bother me again. I had to stay back late til 5.30pm, its after work then meeting, then with little rest to that Naffa test duty. Then got that stupid fool come disturb me. Kinda spoils my day. Its been a long day. Its at times like this that I ever asked myself,
"Why'd hell did I sign for this?" ,
"Is it really worth it? All the work and effort?"
Sadly the conclusion is still bleak, its not worth it man. The stupid pay adjustment still havent arrived yet. Then got another adminstrative thing shoved down our throats that was launched during the meeting... that the plate is already too full, already falling over, then add on. Such that immediately after the meeting, the other BT and I ended up speaking in low tones in a deserted area abt our dissatisfaction- one has to be an educator, cca, launch project, initiate project, facillitate, plan, do, monitor, follow-up etc the list is endless. Then what of our lives? What of our time? our health?
Its bad enough that this job is making pple into workaholics. Then in the same conspiratial tone, I was sharing with them that if cannot tahan, after bond, go. Yar they agree. Thinking of pte or tuition.
After being tired everyday, working long hours everyday, it really does wonders to one's lvl of satisfaction and expectations of staying on for long in the job. Then we were analysising the Connect plan payout, to count-down the duration left of the bond and the payout....Guess all those publicity abt it being rewarding is kinda crap given this is how alot feel. Trapped by the bond for 3yrs then lured on to stay 1 yr extra by the carrot.
Given most are married, hence their focus is family and their job. Job provides the income for the family. Hence the long hours, they are somewhat forced to endure it. But for single person like me, it kinda eats into whatever little social life I have had in the first place. Whatever recreational time I had left. Just so draining. I remarked that I had thought I was the only one with these thoughts but it seems at least at my place, the other BTs think similarly. All are seriously just lasting until the connect plan then go for greener pastures elsewhere. Its kinda sad but yet a real life depiction of what being an Educator has become.
Its not so abt the teaching anymore, it has become a portfolio mgt where teaching is but only one basic aspect. Much more is involved. The adaptation of private sector ideas and practices has morphed it into a monstrosity that has taken a life of its own... so much so that it encompasses everything.
Its like you wake up to work, work the whole day, reach home, just to stone a few hours before its time to sleep for the work the next day. What kinda life is this? Well to compare, with my current pay, for just pure official school hours, dividing out, I am paid abt $21 per hour. Excluding the extra hours of remedial, cca. Also excluding the Sats spent, the afterwork meetings, in-house courses or signed-up courses, activities like naffa, sports day, time for marking, doing the other admin work, extra time to monitor students be it work, counsel etc. Its much lower if you take into accout the 'real' time spent. And these exclude the 3rd shift for work done at home and during weekends. What kinda of an hourly pay is that after ALL these real work are added in?
Life is more lucrative and simpler as a tutor, at least the rate is a decent $25 and above per hour. I dont have to work this hard as an adminstrative paper pusher at some private company.
Its really I have no life. No time after travelling home, no energy. Life sucks. I am trying to make it better. It still sucks. I cant do what I want, it sucks. The least is now I am shirking some kinda of admin work so that I dont do anything once I reach home and during weekdays.
My mom was trying to tell me to change my perspective. She told me her friends' daughters who are teachers, all ended up running home crying in the initial 2 yrs. Later things pick up as one knows tai-chi. But that is still not the way things should be going on in a supposedly fulfilling job. At least one thing is for certain, after 1 yr 1 mth, I am still decided on leaving.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
The Endz is near... signz
Bubu to all, back to blogging a bit after my absence.
The june holidays are coming to an end. This is the shortest june holiday I have ever had. Wk 1 full-day course and meeting. Wk 2 went back to clear email, supposedly consultation but no one turned up, cca so have to be physically in school, tidy the mess of a table of a semester of stuff. And dabao things home supposedly to prepare for the coming term.
Week 3 was my true break in that sense. Work is entirely not touched at all. Didnt go anywhere at all. Cos my bro came out then my Dad had to go to hospital... so didnt go anywhere, not even JB. Just this monday, my family went in, but I had course... then it turned out that course got postponed quite last minute... Ended up in town with Tab.
Yar Week 4, ie this week I got 2days for course and 1 for whole-day meeting. Work is completely not touched at all.
Ever since Week 3 also saw me buying a padded sleeping bag, which immediately becomes my bed. Basically I have been camping on my floor for more than a week liao. To keep the long story short, it happened due to my mom shifting an armchair into my sis's room, which means the 3rd bed cannot be pulled out. There is not enuf space to put the mattress. So I ended up sleeping on the floor in a rather cramped space. Why dun just pull out the armchair. Yar can, but just no place to put it at all. My mom took it from her room, replaced it with another chair. So now it has no place to go. Silly right? Yar... Signz... At first it was still okay. But as it was not comfortable, I find myself delaying sleep ie sleeping later and later, so that I am so tired that I would fall asleep almost immediately type. But after a few days of this, I had a bit of migrain from lack of sleep. Also waking up with stiff neck and backaches. Also in the morning, I would be waken (sis waking up, dad watching vcd at 6.30am, talking, lights on at 5.30am) then the cold seeps through the sleeping bag, which sees me waking up shaking, I would sleep and wake a few times, check my sis are up ie around 9am, then I would lie on their bed to continue to sleep. Needless to say, I sleep until mid noon or high noon. A day is over. Bloddy sian and tiring. Its getting kind of miserable. THEN these few nights, I wanted to sleep early, cos I am really tired. But my bro, play PS2, keep his lights on... which keeps me up. Until I go nag him a couple of times then light-out. It cannot continue. These couple of nights, I am sleeping at insane timing of 3.30am cos its too bright/noisy/uncomfortable. Signz this cannot continue. Work is starting soon. I need to readjust my sleeping hours. I am trying but everything else is not helping. Dad watches DVD until late 1am, sisters watching tv until 1am type, bro keeps lights on until 2am. I have no privacy, no door to close to shut out the noise. Is it too selfish to ask for decent night sleep. Otherwise if this continues, I would start feeling exhausted. Not resting much... Signz. I find myself wishing that my bro would go back soon. Dun think I can keep this up. Yest I slept at 3.30am, then woke at 7.20am for course at 9am. Sian. And exhausting. Tom got early morning meeting, sian need to sleep soon. But how to sleep? I dun know how to get to sleep cos my dad is watching DVD again. Sian.
Another sian thing is I went down to the GuanYing temple after course and arrived near 6.30pm. Just had time to light an incense then the next thing, the pple started closing the gates behind me, just as I put in the incense. Then cant even go in, I was still at the outside of the temple. Oh well, have to go another day, before 6.30pm.
The june holidays are coming to an end. This is the shortest june holiday I have ever had. Wk 1 full-day course and meeting. Wk 2 went back to clear email, supposedly consultation but no one turned up, cca so have to be physically in school, tidy the mess of a table of a semester of stuff. And dabao things home supposedly to prepare for the coming term.
Week 3 was my true break in that sense. Work is entirely not touched at all. Didnt go anywhere at all. Cos my bro came out then my Dad had to go to hospital... so didnt go anywhere, not even JB. Just this monday, my family went in, but I had course... then it turned out that course got postponed quite last minute... Ended up in town with Tab.
Yar Week 4, ie this week I got 2days for course and 1 for whole-day meeting. Work is completely not touched at all.
Ever since Week 3 also saw me buying a padded sleeping bag, which immediately becomes my bed. Basically I have been camping on my floor for more than a week liao. To keep the long story short, it happened due to my mom shifting an armchair into my sis's room, which means the 3rd bed cannot be pulled out. There is not enuf space to put the mattress. So I ended up sleeping on the floor in a rather cramped space. Why dun just pull out the armchair. Yar can, but just no place to put it at all. My mom took it from her room, replaced it with another chair. So now it has no place to go. Silly right? Yar... Signz... At first it was still okay. But as it was not comfortable, I find myself delaying sleep ie sleeping later and later, so that I am so tired that I would fall asleep almost immediately type. But after a few days of this, I had a bit of migrain from lack of sleep. Also waking up with stiff neck and backaches. Also in the morning, I would be waken (sis waking up, dad watching vcd at 6.30am, talking, lights on at 5.30am) then the cold seeps through the sleeping bag, which sees me waking up shaking, I would sleep and wake a few times, check my sis are up ie around 9am, then I would lie on their bed to continue to sleep. Needless to say, I sleep until mid noon or high noon. A day is over. Bloddy sian and tiring. Its getting kind of miserable. THEN these few nights, I wanted to sleep early, cos I am really tired. But my bro, play PS2, keep his lights on... which keeps me up. Until I go nag him a couple of times then light-out. It cannot continue. These couple of nights, I am sleeping at insane timing of 3.30am cos its too bright/noisy/uncomfortable. Signz this cannot continue. Work is starting soon. I need to readjust my sleeping hours. I am trying but everything else is not helping. Dad watches DVD until late 1am, sisters watching tv until 1am type, bro keeps lights on until 2am. I have no privacy, no door to close to shut out the noise. Is it too selfish to ask for decent night sleep. Otherwise if this continues, I would start feeling exhausted. Not resting much... Signz. I find myself wishing that my bro would go back soon. Dun think I can keep this up. Yest I slept at 3.30am, then woke at 7.20am for course at 9am. Sian. And exhausting. Tom got early morning meeting, sian need to sleep soon. But how to sleep? I dun know how to get to sleep cos my dad is watching DVD again. Sian.
Another sian thing is I went down to the GuanYing temple after course and arrived near 6.30pm. Just had time to light an incense then the next thing, the pple started closing the gates behind me, just as I put in the incense. Then cant even go in, I was still at the outside of the temple. Oh well, have to go another day, before 6.30pm.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Man i am falling into a cycle of degrade and neglect
It started when I entered NEI, being so busy daily from the long hours that I hardly go to the gym. Practicum was no better, cos it meant staying late until 4plus and spending many hours planning lessons for observations, didnt go at all. Then going back to NEI for the final month before posting, wasnt any better. And eventually being posted and now its been another year. A total of 2yrs without a proper gym workout, without a proper and regular exercise regime. It meant by now, my physique has totally collapsed and sagged. Last year I still had some form, now its totally wasted.
Eating alot nowadays also dont seem to be helping. Weekdays irregular meals, sometimes extra meals before dinner and weekends eating 'better food' with friends (though I have cut down alot on the desert). The 4day course I have been attending saw me eating up to 6 meals a day. Morning breakfast, then morning tea, then lunch, then afternoon tea, then snack and dinner. Man I can feel my arteries clogging. Then go back to work, they always pack lunch for us, which means I cant go and get my own. Mostly halah food eg chicken rice with curry blah blah, argh my arteries. The only redeeming point is I often dun finish what they pack, cos its too heavy (taste-wise or oily), at times I just eat a few mouthfuls then throw.
And I am the proud owner of a akira DVD player on vesak day. Bought it for $44.90, to hook up with the TV in my room (bro's room) so that that I dun have to fight for the DVD with my dad who is watching tv outside. Can just watch anytime, lying on my bed... Didnt get an antenna cos the current tv programs sucks still. So I have started watching a few movies here and there... need to get some titles the next time I go JB.
Plus finally ever since last friday, I have been so very tired. On that day, I totally crashed around 9am and woke up around 12pm. Then I just feel tired everyday. Its not like I am not getting enough sleep. Havent been gaming or anything meant I sleep near 10pm. Though I had to go for full-day courses on Mon, Tue, Wed and Fri, I was tired daily. Just feel like sleeping and not waking up forever type. Vesak day and the weekends was spent on sleeping and going out then more sleeping. Even today, I slept at 1am, woke up around 830am, then went to my sis's room to sleep until 11plus, ate lunch, feel tired, rested around 3pm then I bathed and went for jap class. Around 10pm I am yawning and wishing for my bed. Man... its like what Tab said, we just didnt realize how tired we are. And it catches up with ya. My mom was saying the body trying to recover the sleep but it takes an exponentially more hrs to recover every lost hour of sleep. Guess its a cumulative effect. Imagine 10 intense weeks without any break save for public holiday or mc. Imagine 10 long weeks, most days are double shifts ie 7am-1pm then 1.30pm-5.30pm plus reach home around 6.30-7pm.
Yar no wonder my body is like a deflated balloon, just not much energy and becoming a flabby balloon.
Tom I WILL start on a workout, be it at home or go to the gym and hope to keep it going. Health is Wealth. I do not want my body to go to such a state of neglect ie become humongous like an elephant before I start taking actions. It is seriously easy to lapse into that cycle of neglect that the pounds get put on easily cos work just takes up so much time that the only activity one can do easily is just to eat and eat and eat. It is easy to fall into that vicious cycle. So far I still do not snack but I need to change my main meals, the number and the content and watch the calories. Want to feel strong and energetic again... as well as look good and feel good about my body.
K tommorrow workout here I come.
Eating alot nowadays also dont seem to be helping. Weekdays irregular meals, sometimes extra meals before dinner and weekends eating 'better food' with friends (though I have cut down alot on the desert). The 4day course I have been attending saw me eating up to 6 meals a day. Morning breakfast, then morning tea, then lunch, then afternoon tea, then snack and dinner. Man I can feel my arteries clogging. Then go back to work, they always pack lunch for us, which means I cant go and get my own. Mostly halah food eg chicken rice with curry blah blah, argh my arteries. The only redeeming point is I often dun finish what they pack, cos its too heavy (taste-wise or oily), at times I just eat a few mouthfuls then throw.
And I am the proud owner of a akira DVD player on vesak day. Bought it for $44.90, to hook up with the TV in my room (bro's room) so that that I dun have to fight for the DVD with my dad who is watching tv outside. Can just watch anytime, lying on my bed... Didnt get an antenna cos the current tv programs sucks still. So I have started watching a few movies here and there... need to get some titles the next time I go JB.
Plus finally ever since last friday, I have been so very tired. On that day, I totally crashed around 9am and woke up around 12pm. Then I just feel tired everyday. Its not like I am not getting enough sleep. Havent been gaming or anything meant I sleep near 10pm. Though I had to go for full-day courses on Mon, Tue, Wed and Fri, I was tired daily. Just feel like sleeping and not waking up forever type. Vesak day and the weekends was spent on sleeping and going out then more sleeping. Even today, I slept at 1am, woke up around 830am, then went to my sis's room to sleep until 11plus, ate lunch, feel tired, rested around 3pm then I bathed and went for jap class. Around 10pm I am yawning and wishing for my bed. Man... its like what Tab said, we just didnt realize how tired we are. And it catches up with ya. My mom was saying the body trying to recover the sleep but it takes an exponentially more hrs to recover every lost hour of sleep. Guess its a cumulative effect. Imagine 10 intense weeks without any break save for public holiday or mc. Imagine 10 long weeks, most days are double shifts ie 7am-1pm then 1.30pm-5.30pm plus reach home around 6.30-7pm.
Yar no wonder my body is like a deflated balloon, just not much energy and becoming a flabby balloon.
Tom I WILL start on a workout, be it at home or go to the gym and hope to keep it going. Health is Wealth. I do not want my body to go to such a state of neglect ie become humongous like an elephant before I start taking actions. It is seriously easy to lapse into that cycle of neglect that the pounds get put on easily cos work just takes up so much time that the only activity one can do easily is just to eat and eat and eat. It is easy to fall into that vicious cycle. So far I still do not snack but I need to change my main meals, the number and the content and watch the calories. Want to feel strong and energetic again... as well as look good and feel good about my body.
K tommorrow workout here I come.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Noticeable absence... oh well
Yar I've noticed myself that the posts are getting infrequent... with longer and longer period of absence... Cos no need to bore everyone with the mundaneness of my life. Its just a repetition of my previous rants.
Well one thing that perks all educators is the fact that June holiday is finally upon us. Though the norm for this industry is that the 1st and 4th week are taken... plus I am down for course in this 1st week Mon, Tue, Wed and next monday. So it means effectively missing out on those long, whole-day meetings that usually plague the 1st week. The slight downside was there was some project work to do but after today's session, its still kinda simple. Hope things will continue.
Some sidenotes... the nice western food in my former hall has moved. Replaced by vietnam, korean, another western. Bought the marinara pasta and it tasted horrible. The worst pasta I have ever tasted, plus the pasta got some funny smell, the seafood very unfresh... its a miracle that I managed to eat 3/4 of it. Then I walked over to scout out the other hall canteen to verify if the jap food had moved. Its still intact but closed. See if its open tomorrow, then I can eat some decent food.
The course is 6hrs and I reached clementi around 5.30pm, was kinda stoned that I've mistaken 165 for 175 and happily hopped on it. Got down after a few bus stops, luckily I realized while I was near clementi ave 2. Then got down to take my feeder bus home. Its really not the first time that I've obviously hoppped on the wrong bus, err it is happening more frequently nowadays. Even hopping onto the wrong train at times. Last time even took 4 bus rides to reach home from my workplace cos I kinda hopped onto wrong buses, missed the right ones, thought some went to certain places then hopped on it then only to go on a roundabout way and ended up having to take another bus to connect.
Nowadays not going online gaming as much as I did, while in nie, while a trainee, while a lower pri BT, and now a upper pri BT... On the last day of school, I was so tired after the 2 long weeks (ie 11hrs per day), that I fell fast asleep around 6pm only to wake up around 10am on sat. Then was too tired that I kinda slept more inbetween until b4 jap class. Went home after to sleep more. Sunday was spent sleeping and then going out with Dad and sister to Vivo then more sleep. Hardly online in my games.
Grr the ultra big Toto 6.3m, I didnt win a cent. Signz back to buying my weekly dose of hope. Then into my 4D foray. There are quite a number of 1-digit misses. Walao... its seriously almost get 1st or 2nd lor, save for that stupid 1 more digit. Pls God of Fortune, grant me some big wins. Thanks bubu.
Well one thing that perks all educators is the fact that June holiday is finally upon us. Though the norm for this industry is that the 1st and 4th week are taken... plus I am down for course in this 1st week Mon, Tue, Wed and next monday. So it means effectively missing out on those long, whole-day meetings that usually plague the 1st week. The slight downside was there was some project work to do but after today's session, its still kinda simple. Hope things will continue.
Some sidenotes... the nice western food in my former hall has moved. Replaced by vietnam, korean, another western. Bought the marinara pasta and it tasted horrible. The worst pasta I have ever tasted, plus the pasta got some funny smell, the seafood very unfresh... its a miracle that I managed to eat 3/4 of it. Then I walked over to scout out the other hall canteen to verify if the jap food had moved. Its still intact but closed. See if its open tomorrow, then I can eat some decent food.
The course is 6hrs and I reached clementi around 5.30pm, was kinda stoned that I've mistaken 165 for 175 and happily hopped on it. Got down after a few bus stops, luckily I realized while I was near clementi ave 2. Then got down to take my feeder bus home. Its really not the first time that I've obviously hoppped on the wrong bus, err it is happening more frequently nowadays. Even hopping onto the wrong train at times. Last time even took 4 bus rides to reach home from my workplace cos I kinda hopped onto wrong buses, missed the right ones, thought some went to certain places then hopped on it then only to go on a roundabout way and ended up having to take another bus to connect.
Nowadays not going online gaming as much as I did, while in nie, while a trainee, while a lower pri BT, and now a upper pri BT... On the last day of school, I was so tired after the 2 long weeks (ie 11hrs per day), that I fell fast asleep around 6pm only to wake up around 10am on sat. Then was too tired that I kinda slept more inbetween until b4 jap class. Went home after to sleep more. Sunday was spent sleeping and then going out with Dad and sister to Vivo then more sleep. Hardly online in my games.
Grr the ultra big Toto 6.3m, I didnt win a cent. Signz back to buying my weekly dose of hope. Then into my 4D foray. There are quite a number of 1-digit misses. Walao... its seriously almost get 1st or 2nd lor, save for that stupid 1 more digit. Pls God of Fortune, grant me some big wins. Thanks bubu.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Ishashiburidesu (its been a while)
Yar its been a while since the last entry. Nothing worthy to blog about. The days just passed like tat... in a dull sort of way.
Hmm not having much luck in 4D and Totoing... spent abt $250 so far. Its almost half a PSP but the difference is One gives me HOPE, something to look forward to each week whereas the latter, I might not play as much even while travelling due to work fatique (rather stone and listen to radio/mp3) Still nowhere near the dream of breaking the bond. Well if that averages abt $125 a month, $1500 per year, $15,000 for 10 years and $60,000 for 40 years. The amount may seem significant. The potential payoffs are higher than that amount but occurs with a low probability. So I'll work it into my monthly budget. At most spend less elsewhere to ensure that I can maintain my target saving per month.
Recently I do find myself getting fatter. Its the 'Holiday Weekend Syndrome' where I thoroughly go all out to enjoy the weekends by eating 'better/good food'. 2days of pigging out. Then my irregular meals meant on weekdays I only ate brunch, then later before I could reach home, either too hungry or got craving. Then I'll hop down to town to makan. Things like pasta, drink yuan yang, eat fish meat soup blah blah. It also meant spending more. Hmm will be monitoring my expenditure pattern for a mth using the excel spreadsheet I've created. Also monitoring my Toto n 4D with it, as well as endowment returns and monthly savings. (Very efficient in monitoring my money but dun have any excel to monitor student's results. Will be creating some during the coming June holidays)Yar too hungry or too tired after work to go gym. Most days end around 5.30pm.
Last week was insane. I clocked in from 7.15am to 5.30pm daily from Mon to Fri, 30mins lunch which on some days was 10mins cos I was settling biz with students. The work was crazy. Invigilation for 4-5 periods, then followed by lessons ie last minute SA1 revision, then lunch 30mins then exam script marking from 1.30pm to 5.30pm. It was so draining, I was seeing stars by Tuesday. By the time I reached home, my eyes were closing around 8am... The marking was on Mon, Tue and Thu, but Wed and Fri were taken up by adminstrative things eg manual calculations and recording of marks for record purposeds, keying in remarks for students, keying in marks for subjects taught blah blah plus cca. Yar clocked in near 60hrs. Was contemplating whether I wanted to go back on Sat to clear my backlog of marking but decided to be kind to myself. Am NOT a workaholic and dun intend to work myself to death.
Today first day of the week and I ended around 5.30pm. Suffered from hunger cos only ate brunch so headed down town to drink yuan yang (wonders if they put opium into food? Cos I keep having craving for soup or yuan yang) I ended up eating fried fish meat soup with rice at Plaza Singapura then headed down to the Cathy to buy yuan yang. Then took a bus home. Reached home about 8.30pm. The day is almost over. Dabao one project that I have to do and SA1 math paper to write out solutions. Both not done. Dun have energy left. Oh well, its almost 10pm. Think going to sleep soon or just stone around.
Hmm not having much luck in 4D and Totoing... spent abt $250 so far. Its almost half a PSP but the difference is One gives me HOPE, something to look forward to each week whereas the latter, I might not play as much even while travelling due to work fatique (rather stone and listen to radio/mp3) Still nowhere near the dream of breaking the bond. Well if that averages abt $125 a month, $1500 per year, $15,000 for 10 years and $60,000 for 40 years. The amount may seem significant. The potential payoffs are higher than that amount but occurs with a low probability. So I'll work it into my monthly budget. At most spend less elsewhere to ensure that I can maintain my target saving per month.
Recently I do find myself getting fatter. Its the 'Holiday Weekend Syndrome' where I thoroughly go all out to enjoy the weekends by eating 'better/good food'. 2days of pigging out. Then my irregular meals meant on weekdays I only ate brunch, then later before I could reach home, either too hungry or got craving. Then I'll hop down to town to makan. Things like pasta, drink yuan yang, eat fish meat soup blah blah. It also meant spending more. Hmm will be monitoring my expenditure pattern for a mth using the excel spreadsheet I've created. Also monitoring my Toto n 4D with it, as well as endowment returns and monthly savings. (Very efficient in monitoring my money but dun have any excel to monitor student's results. Will be creating some during the coming June holidays)Yar too hungry or too tired after work to go gym. Most days end around 5.30pm.
Last week was insane. I clocked in from 7.15am to 5.30pm daily from Mon to Fri, 30mins lunch which on some days was 10mins cos I was settling biz with students. The work was crazy. Invigilation for 4-5 periods, then followed by lessons ie last minute SA1 revision, then lunch 30mins then exam script marking from 1.30pm to 5.30pm. It was so draining, I was seeing stars by Tuesday. By the time I reached home, my eyes were closing around 8am... The marking was on Mon, Tue and Thu, but Wed and Fri were taken up by adminstrative things eg manual calculations and recording of marks for record purposeds, keying in remarks for students, keying in marks for subjects taught blah blah plus cca. Yar clocked in near 60hrs. Was contemplating whether I wanted to go back on Sat to clear my backlog of marking but decided to be kind to myself. Am NOT a workaholic and dun intend to work myself to death.
Today first day of the week and I ended around 5.30pm. Suffered from hunger cos only ate brunch so headed down town to drink yuan yang (wonders if they put opium into food? Cos I keep having craving for soup or yuan yang) I ended up eating fried fish meat soup with rice at Plaza Singapura then headed down to the Cathy to buy yuan yang. Then took a bus home. Reached home about 8.30pm. The day is almost over. Dabao one project that I have to do and SA1 math paper to write out solutions. Both not done. Dun have energy left. Oh well, its almost 10pm. Think going to sleep soon or just stone around.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
My Spirit is Free but tired...
Yesterday after another 2 cotinuous sessions, which an event took up all my marking time, I dragged my sorry and tired ass out of the office. Cos I dun see others staying back, I decided no use dabaoing, cos I will just chuck it one side anyway.
Whilst walking out, I was kinda sian that one day is just gone like tat without marking done. Already I used as much of my free time to clear liao but it just seems endless. Cos SA1 is round the corner, its not being useful to hold onto their work. Should try to clear it to return them. Its like the mind is strong but the body is weak... Was too sick last week to mark much. This week still recuperating... and Monday marked 4hrs, Tue got remedial then go see sinseh, Wed got meeting then practice until 5pm. Signz... So all my free periods including lunch is used to clear.
I was kinda stoned around 5.15pm while walking out. Was contemplating if I wanted to take a cab or bus home? Whether I should go out? Whether I should go home to rest instead? Wanted to eat at Soupspoon, wanted to drink Yuan Yang (coffee mix tea), wanted to sleep.... Wanted to just go home... Then I remembered that my Spirit is free, if I let it be. I decided to head downtown, to add a bit more colour to my otherwise dull day.
I did micro-rest on the bus and stopped at The Cathy. There is this HK food selling Yuan Yang there. Last time, I tried it with Tab and liked it alot. Decided whilst on the bus, to check if there are others in town. If yes, meet dinner, if no, then dabao some yuan yang and food to treat family. When I got down from the bus, I noticed the sky wasnt dark. It was a nice day infact. There werent many pple around cos its only 6pm in town. The weather was sunny and warm enough for me to peel off the jacket I've been wearing once I board a bus, at workplace. Its warm and nice. I walked across THAT traffic junction where Tab and I nearly met our Maker together
- We had been talking. Then heard the green man sound and decided to cross, assuming that it was our junction that was green, about 3 steps later, then Tab heard car sounds and horning, then we looked. Argh its red and cars are coming our way. Tab hurriedly pull me and herself back to the pavement. Then we burst out laughing. Walao 2 Educators with such eager death wish. Shared a room, in the same line, then go meet Maker together.... (such good friends)
To cut the long story short, I went to buy a BIG yuan yang and their hotdog. As I was kinda hungry, havent eaten much save for a bowl of porridge for brunch at 8.30qm until 6pm, I thoroughly enjoyed eating that piping hot dog, adding mustard, ketchup and mayo on it. The drink is still nice except I couldnt taste the taste very well due to blocked nose. Still its a welcome break. The basement of The Cathy is still kinda low-traffic, so its a nice place to hang. Its also WI-FI enabled. Means can surf for free if u got the right equipment. Then Tab msged.
I walked to meet her and we walked to a Jap restaurant near Raffles Place. It was freezing cold. I had to put on my jacket and she took a pic of me, with the jacket zipped up to cover my mouth like a ninja-type. That aircon vent was blasting me... bubu. Had to change seats with her. Then ordered Ramen. Usually I am not a Ramen person but given the option of cold sushi vs Ramen, I'll choose the latter. Later Krynnder joined us. Interestingly all of us had noodles. Tab had soba and both of us had ramen. They tried to psycho me to join them in their Exotic dance but seriously I be lucky if I dun bump into the wall after work. Not to mention, expect many cameras to be flashing, taping IF I joined. Krynnder interjected to remind me, those will be without flash and sounds :P
Went home on a bus, rested and reached home near 8.30pm. Went online for a while, and watched Planet Earth at 10pm - 11pm. Decided to sleep earlier. Went to bed.
Woke up tired 6am. Didnt feel good. Went to work. Got relief for my own class, an hr more to do work. Marked, didnt eat brunch though bought, marked and scold for corrections, taught, scolded. By the time the day ended, I was seriously tired. Just wish it can all stop... Brought 2 stacks home, cos I cant mark much in my current state. Hopped on a cab home and reached home near 2.30pm. Ate my brunch, bathed, rubbed oilment on my stomache, blog and later have a nap bah. Feel a bit better. Will endeavour to finish those two. No point hanging to them. Will then have to clear on Sat. My short day today is ..... longer and even more tiring than my heavy day. Tom another long day... Signz.
My Spirit is free but its kinda tired. How to recharge the spirit?
Whilst walking out, I was kinda sian that one day is just gone like tat without marking done. Already I used as much of my free time to clear liao but it just seems endless. Cos SA1 is round the corner, its not being useful to hold onto their work. Should try to clear it to return them. Its like the mind is strong but the body is weak... Was too sick last week to mark much. This week still recuperating... and Monday marked 4hrs, Tue got remedial then go see sinseh, Wed got meeting then practice until 5pm. Signz... So all my free periods including lunch is used to clear.
I was kinda stoned around 5.15pm while walking out. Was contemplating if I wanted to take a cab or bus home? Whether I should go out? Whether I should go home to rest instead? Wanted to eat at Soupspoon, wanted to drink Yuan Yang (coffee mix tea), wanted to sleep.... Wanted to just go home... Then I remembered that my Spirit is free, if I let it be. I decided to head downtown, to add a bit more colour to my otherwise dull day.
I did micro-rest on the bus and stopped at The Cathy. There is this HK food selling Yuan Yang there. Last time, I tried it with Tab and liked it alot. Decided whilst on the bus, to check if there are others in town. If yes, meet dinner, if no, then dabao some yuan yang and food to treat family. When I got down from the bus, I noticed the sky wasnt dark. It was a nice day infact. There werent many pple around cos its only 6pm in town. The weather was sunny and warm enough for me to peel off the jacket I've been wearing once I board a bus, at workplace. Its warm and nice. I walked across THAT traffic junction where Tab and I nearly met our Maker together
- We had been talking. Then heard the green man sound and decided to cross, assuming that it was our junction that was green, about 3 steps later, then Tab heard car sounds and horning, then we looked. Argh its red and cars are coming our way. Tab hurriedly pull me and herself back to the pavement. Then we burst out laughing. Walao 2 Educators with such eager death wish. Shared a room, in the same line, then go meet Maker together.... (such good friends)
To cut the long story short, I went to buy a BIG yuan yang and their hotdog. As I was kinda hungry, havent eaten much save for a bowl of porridge for brunch at 8.30qm until 6pm, I thoroughly enjoyed eating that piping hot dog, adding mustard, ketchup and mayo on it. The drink is still nice except I couldnt taste the taste very well due to blocked nose. Still its a welcome break. The basement of The Cathy is still kinda low-traffic, so its a nice place to hang. Its also WI-FI enabled. Means can surf for free if u got the right equipment. Then Tab msged.
I walked to meet her and we walked to a Jap restaurant near Raffles Place. It was freezing cold. I had to put on my jacket and she took a pic of me, with the jacket zipped up to cover my mouth like a ninja-type. That aircon vent was blasting me... bubu. Had to change seats with her. Then ordered Ramen. Usually I am not a Ramen person but given the option of cold sushi vs Ramen, I'll choose the latter. Later Krynnder joined us. Interestingly all of us had noodles. Tab had soba and both of us had ramen. They tried to psycho me to join them in their Exotic dance but seriously I be lucky if I dun bump into the wall after work. Not to mention, expect many cameras to be flashing, taping IF I joined. Krynnder interjected to remind me, those will be without flash and sounds :P
Went home on a bus, rested and reached home near 8.30pm. Went online for a while, and watched Planet Earth at 10pm - 11pm. Decided to sleep earlier. Went to bed.
Woke up tired 6am. Didnt feel good. Went to work. Got relief for my own class, an hr more to do work. Marked, didnt eat brunch though bought, marked and scold for corrections, taught, scolded. By the time the day ended, I was seriously tired. Just wish it can all stop... Brought 2 stacks home, cos I cant mark much in my current state. Hopped on a cab home and reached home near 2.30pm. Ate my brunch, bathed, rubbed oilment on my stomache, blog and later have a nap bah. Feel a bit better. Will endeavour to finish those two. No point hanging to them. Will then have to clear on Sat. My short day today is ..... longer and even more tiring than my heavy day. Tom another long day... Signz.
My Spirit is free but its kinda tired. How to recharge the spirit?
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Have to change your perspective and dont think too much.... just do it
Man, what I wouldnt give to do what my maple character is doing... fishing while reclining on a chair, under a shady tree, in a lazy afternoon. Sign.....
Well my health hasnt been good recently. After braving through some very emotional and tough weeks, my body couldnt take it and I feel quite ill on thurs. Didnt go on mc, cos it would mean even more backlog. So I braved through the day. End of it, went home to rest. Sat also kinda sick, so after jap, and eating soup, went home. Sunday still recuperating. Monday started and back to the backlog. I spent 4hrs just clearing one stack. Dabao 2 stacks, one quite overdue liao. Reached home near 6plus, too tired, feel asleep watching tv until 11.30pm. Woke up, went back to sleep and set alarm to 4am. 4am, I woke up to clear that very overdue stack. Took me until 6pm, my usual waking to finished it. Thank God! Then did the usual of getting ready for another day. Feeling kinda light-headed... Got through the heaviest day of the week and went off around 3.40pm to see the Chinese doctor. Reached home near 5.30pm, ate and talked with mom.
My mom has been advising me to 'change my perspective' and 'adjust' so that I wont make myself so sick, so that I can be happier and dun think or give myself too much pressure. Even the Chinese doctor says 'not to think about it', just treat the remaining duration of the bond as 'being a maid for 2+ years' then they can go back to their country. He told me the time will pass very quickly. Soon I cant remember how its like. His daughter is doing some school-based tuition (think is Medaki, CDAC) type of teaching and after a month is already in tears. So many I can pat myself on the back on lasting 10mths on full load, 9mths on contract load, 9mths of intense NIE and 3mths of mentally-gruelling practicum for a grand total of 2yrs 7mths. Hell.... adding the 10.5mths of banking experience, its already 3yrs 5.5mths. Wow tats alot.
I am trying to change. Sometimes when I think too much and cant sleep, I still resort to the downing of the Shandy. I try to clear the backlog at work, still working on it. I try to make myself happier, ie hop into the comic shop instead of walking past, go out for a stroll when things get too much. Telling myself not to think abt things and just do it. Numb myself to certain parts, so as not to hurt myself, hurt my health.
On monday while I look at the clouds whilst walking into the workplace, it was a beautiful sight to behold. There was no clouds but an entire clear sky, slowly brightening into day, with orange swirls blended into shades of light blue. Some thoughts came to mind,
"The world is so beautiful and wide.
There are so many sights I have yet to behold,
but why is my world so small and dark?
The sky is bathed in gloriously splendid colours,
but why is my view dull and grey?
The infinite possibilities that are there for others,
but why are mine so limited?
People around walk forward, bursting with vigor and energy,
but why do I drag my tired husk along?"
Its kinda sad even typing these lines out, but these thoughts did fleet through. I reminded myself that although my BODY was chained, but my SPIRIT is free. The husk that is my body is kept in a small and dark world, with limited view and possibilities but my Spirit is free to move beyond these bounds. IF I let it go...
I will try. It may take some time to completely learn to regain the freedom of the spirit and learn to be free again. I shall try my best to not think about the bounds but at the world beyond. It involve some changes in perspective. I am trying.
Whilst trying to adjust, not worry and living one day at a time, a few weeks have passed. Its almost mid-week now. Think this should be the way to go. But I am still not giving up on my hope, which helps me pass the week with things to look forward to. I like to thank my family, friends and those who truely care about my well-being and tying in their way to help me. I am grateful as these are the things that gives me the strength and energy to brave on.
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