Huge SIGH....

The trip back to my bro's place was partly cos he asked whether I was alright over the game Evony, that I should go down to 'chill' a bit. Guess he was reading my blog and stuff.

So when my guitar class got postponed and that I didnt pre-arranged any driving theory practice, having passed my Basic evaluation, I was free from Thurs to Monday, after which my schedule resumes, with Jap - Tue, Wed, Driving maybe Mon and/or Thurs, Guitar - Fri. Taking his advise, I hopped down alone taking the KMT train. He fetched me from the train station. It is ill-advised to travel in Malaysia without a car cos the sun is ultra-hot, plus huge long distances and lack of familarity.

Basically I had brought stuff to read, jap homework to do, stock book to read and driving theory books. Guess what I did instead? Played Evony, looked a bit through facebook, then watching Anime: Code Geauzz (have to doulbe check spelling). The irony thing is I am trying to listen to the jap, but reading the subtitles in Mandarin and yet translating and understanding the whole story in my mind to English... kinda complicated.

Our meals eaten outside include chicken rice, wonton mee, roti prata for lunch and Zhi Char for dinner and Nasi Goreng USA. I ate almost all the things I wanted to eat except Satay which I just ate with Geoky. Then drinking Honey Ice Tea in cans, eating potato chips while watching anime. Sounds like a holiday of sort, but kinda too Otaku. I did hop down to the tuition centra once, observed a very very little bit. Next round, I will endeavour to sit through an entire lesson instead of half-way, near-end.

Mainly uneventful which is fine with me. Though I did sleep very late also watching anime. Finished Season 1 and was 3/4 through Season 2... hope to find online and continue.

Did shop at the 'Orchard Road' of segamat.... and tried very hard to spend my RM, again which I spent the most if not solely on grocery and snacks and also lunch and dinner. Ran a couple of errands, went to bank and went to temple to pray. Everytime I go to the temple, I am not praying for myself. I pray that family's health will be good, for those working let things be smooth, let the current situation dissolve peacefully somehow, then finally i hope to have some guidance about my next job, at times I am not even asking about my job. Just want things back to somewhat normal but what was 'normal' previously, was it just a facade?... *confused* can only hope for divine intervention or just hope.

Came back around 4.30pm from the 11.55am train. It was quite punctual and surprisingly faster to return than to go in. Arrived around 3.30pm plus but I didnt want to take the cab. Decided to take public transport from the Woodlands Checkpoint. Took a bus to the Woodland MRT, hopped on Mrt all the way down, 9 stations to Clementi, took a feeder bus home. Its actually convenient except IF you are carrying tonnes of stuff which my mom has a tendency to do. I only had 2 bags. One is my blue bag with my books and electronic and valuables. The other is my BIG laptop bagpack which I put in clothes, wires for recharging and toiletries. That's all. But on my way back, I had to squeeze stuff in that bag cos my mom wanted to bring some stuff back which I just squeezed in cos its very hard to travel with more than 2 bags to handle esp going up and down train. Cant imagine 4-5 bags that she does with... no wonder why I often end up as the one helping to carry... but nevermind about that, some are old habits formed over years.

Overall it was a good short trip despite my brother having to focus on his own career and relationship but at least we still eat meals together, got talk about the current family situation, he hear me out about my frustrations and worries, I hear him out about his. Try to advise each other a bit, trying to think of solutions and means but we are NOT the main parties involved... *sigh*

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Came home 4.30pm, it was empty. Parents had gone home to attend a relative's funeral. Then I sms Geoky to check. We had satay dinner where she told me about her amusing yet expensive hair cut and colour.

Shortly after we reached home, call from mom. I was later filled about what had transpired in the short time I wasnt around.

*heaves a HUGE sigh* My feeling is SHIT will hit the fan soon or eventually. And I dont want to be around to have to help clean it. I think I was facing some sort of burnout also when my mom first time just ran off and I was doing most of the chores almost daily. Then when it happened a second time, I chose partly not to do much chores instead. I didnt cook cos i was busier, having lessons almost mon to fri. Also nobody around to eat dinner. Imagine if I cook for 4 pple but only 2 pple end up eating. Its kinda sad for the person who cooks, expecting 4 pple to eat, cos it takes time and effort to cook dishes. Instead the 2nd time, on weekdays, as I was heading out almost every evening, I packed lunch for myself and dad daily. The rest had to settle their own dinner. Helped to do what I can instead of stressing myself over the amount of chores to do. Some I somewhat refuse to do, eg laundry. Each did their own and I did the common one.

Signz... whatever happened to family ties and bonds? Is it so easy to treat each other as strangers? Some I dont even recognize anymore. Is this how ties end? I am also guilty of this, hardly speaking to my dad and only speak a bit with mom. I am really refraining from opening my mouth, cos I might regret what I say, be it intentional or unintentional or with all the pent-up frustration, I dont know what I will say. So I chose to clamp up, remain silent about the frustrations, worries. At times, I felt like telling each one off and then just washing my hands entirely. But cos its family hence kept refraining and clamping up. The short stay helped a bit but seriously how long more can this go on? *heaves HUGE sigh*