Picking up the slack / Life and its share of woes

Picking up the slack

Had been a bit busy with gym, classes, assignment that by the time I reach home, mostly just wanna bathe, surf Internet on I-touch and then sleep with anime in the background. Hadn't been practicing guitar, only did it once last Sunday then by the time I went for class on sat, can't recall as much. So during lesson, not able to play all those barred chords cos not familiar with their positioning, have to slowly find them hence can't follow the playing at normal speed and the other was that my slapping technique is not correct and hence slowed my playing speed too... That was cos I wasn't exactly taught the proper technique under previous instructor. So today I picked up the guitar and practiced barring and correct the slapping technique. Couldn't keep up for too long before fingers pain. Skin gotten thinner cos haven't practiced as much. K everyday going to practice a bit. Evaluation coming in 3 weeks time, not exactly having polished guitar playing. Dunno if I can hijack a guitar at work and hide somewhere to play but tomorrow I got a very hectic day so guess I'll practice after work and gym, assignment, classes. Gambarimasho!

This long weekend had been rather indulgent for me. In what respect, guess it's food-wise.

On fri, I ate upsized pasta with calamari rings and later had a kungfu tea at far east. So that's a lot more of food than what I had been eating for a while.

Then on Sat, I shared a half chicken with with Ting (though i try to avoid eating that on normal days but really the area near my guitar school only has either chicken rice or wonton mee) and after I had 1.5 yu tiao with beancurds in soy milk. Really yummy. That's what I get for not eating breakfast that by 2.45pm, I was starving. Note to self to die die also eat breakfast otherwise this is what might happen again.

After that we headed shopping around a bit at Taka. I bought a 3/4 exercise pants for my gym sessions. It would be helpful cos sometimes I really didn't feel like wearing long track pants cos either of the weather or whole day at work in cargos, wanna air my legs a bit at times. But guy's berms are too baggy and long. Glad to get something new to wear.

Later we ate at mos burger and I ordered a mos chicken set with salad instead of fries, a croquette and butterfly ebi. Which had Tab and Ting staring at the amt of food I bought though seconds ago, I told them I wasn't that hungry... Ya literally eating my own words. I did finish eating them though I had to endure very lame rendition of the 'ebi butterfly' song from Tab. I swear those are my first and last butterfly ebis... Later at night still had a tall hot green tea latte. Think quite a bit of calories over the long weekend.

But still alright, I had gone for gym twice this week, monday and wednesday after I pon-ten jap class. Then today I went for the 3rd session. Though I had hit the quota, but IF I dont go, the alternative would be to stay at home which I already did up until 6pm. I reached there around 6.30pm and did my usual 1.5hrs workout and finshed by 8pm which is the closing time for the gym on weekends. Had a bathe and scrubbed myself with the facial and body scrub. Later before I sleep then put on mositurizer and muscle cream. I feel rather "light" after the workout, like all the worries are "worked out" of the system at least temporarily, a great sense of peace with oneself.

Life and its Share of Woes and Fears

Well everyone has their worries and frustrations, arising from all sorts of reasons. Some are family-related: worries about their health, mortality and not-so-close ties. Personal: own fears about loneliness, envy about what others have and what you seemingly dont have, own insecurities about self-worth, abilities, fears about the future and what it might hold, worries about regrets in the future, even living in regrets in the present and continuing to do so, fear about one's own mortality. Fears about finances: worries about how to support oneself until retirement or death, how to support a family, how to meet financial constraints. Job-related: afraid that the job might lead nowhere in life, pay and job prospects, job satisifaction, job security. And the list goes on and on, from major to minor worries and fears.

The long break that I had from the previous work, even with the problems faced, I spent quite a bit of time not only pursuing things I wanted to do but also a lot of self-reflection. Not that I have reached enlightment in any manner but it has let me gotten a better idea of my fears, insecurities, regrets in a sense. I came to some conclusions about certain issues at least for myself.

True at times, life itself taxing and tiring and even bothersome. Isnt it easier to just be released from it all? Nothing that much to look forward to...

Then I realized the cliche that "being alive means possibilities are still there". What possibilities? I guess its the possibility to change one's live, oneself. It wont be immediate but it would make me happier. True certain periods of my life, I hated my life. Then it took me this long to realize that I can do something MORE about it instead of just whine and resign myself to fate. True I get exhausted fighting at times, but if one way doesnt work, try another and another, until it works for you.

Looking back at the bond thingy, I set myself a time frame of surviving until after the bond. I applied for transfer, I did started exercisng then to combat the stress, I headed out to town after work to de-stess, I started another course after putting it off year after year, I started spending my money not just on necessities. It wasnt all that successful, in fact many a times, I despair and whine on the blog.

But after I left, things didnt go that smoothly too. In my plan, it was supposed to be more smooth-sailing. But hit right smack in the eye of the storm brewing in family troubles. After much taxing and stressing, reached a certain point of ampathy and moved on.

The foray into stocks empowered me greatly. The decision to exercise more regularly, eat breakfast, gave me more sense of well-being and also the courses gave me order in that rather aimless period of life.

I came to realize and revisit certain fears and insecurities. Eg I wasnt very comfortable being unemployed for too long even when I had the $30k to draw down. I wasnt comfortable when by the 7th month, I had drawn up to $11-12k for expenses. I wasnt comfortable in taking too big a pay cut for a new job, IF I cannot make it up somehow. I wasnt going to 'slave and slog' my remaining youth for very very long hours at a job. At times I wonder about my singlehood and the loneliness involved. Yet life doesnt always go the way one planned, but its still about leaving as little regrets.

The worries dont go away and are still there. The difference is my attitude towards them. I am not just resigned to some of these problems, I am taking some steps to 'work' it out eg exercise to combat weight and health problems, investment and assignments to combat financial insecurities. Though I am not doing anything constructive for my Singlehood dilemna... maybe I should revisit this part and think about what I can do constructively.

The end result so far is that I am generally happier compared to what I was, a year ago. More relaxed and comfortable with myself, like myself a whole lot more. Yes I am still flawed and far from perfect, yet I feel I am getting better somehow. Yes still have many, many, many things to work out... Guess I will be a work-in-progress assignment until the end of my days.

There is no gurantee that at the end of my life, I would be rich, married, have a family and lead a happy life. That is a view only optimists subscribe to. Yet IF I can look back at my life and feel that I have led it with more satisfaction and less regrets, then I think that its a good life then. With these thoughts close to me, I face each day and move on forward cos whether I like it or not, time is never stopping for anyone and Life doesnt replay.