Wednesday, January 28, 2004
Hmm... its been 1.5 months into an intern, and I would say that besides the nature of the job and getting up to work at 8.30am, things are all okay. Interestingly the company has very good benefits and welfare for its staff, ie perm n contract, (just in case u r wondering, nah, I am not considered one.) But then again, we as interns cum temps still got something. Well there is the buffet lunch for Christmas and CNY. Treats from sales or collegues, like Soothies etc. Lion dance, lao yu sheng, then even got red packet. From Big boss, Sup and even collegues. Pai seh, that they give me. Well at least one feel appreciated. Which is something my previous zoo should learn from. The difference is huge in terms of the morale and motivation. Super motivated people who can clock in 12hrs or more. Hopefully my job routine will 'pick up', well I am starting on my project and doing timing... Hopefully can progress beyond that. Still not much chance to interact with more perms cos I pretty cut off from the rest, cos work in a room.... Well then again, most of the time, doing work, tired, sleepy, dun feel like talking much. Have a lot of questions though my collegues seem too busy to answer them all... But sometimes cannot help but let my idle mind wander... so if any of u get funny sms from me, dun blame me, I was bored mentally or just feeling creative at that moment. :P
Saturday, January 17, 2004
Well pretty bored and free now, awaiting for the jap test this late afternoon and impending shi ni masu. Just tried out some of Tab's quiz to 'spice up' this page a bit, otherwise its really lacking some pics. Moi still havent go and learn HTML... I barely have enough time to rest. Well....
Duty and Loyalty: You serve your purpose and do
what you must do. People would consider you
someone to rely on, and one who keeps his/her
word when he/she gives it.
Which Characteristic From the Samurai Code Matches You Best? (You may find out your best trait)
brought to you by Quizilla
You are guided by darkness. Chances are you are
depressed, or you just always see things in a
negative point of view. You sit back and take
everything in. You are the gentle giant. But
one day you will snap. (Rate my test)
What force is your soul?
brought to you by Quizilla
Dark magician. You love the dark because of it's
beauty and just the life that no-one else sees.
Mysterious, calm, quiet... But that doesn't
mean you're not friendly!
Duty and Loyalty: You serve your purpose and do
what you must do. People would consider you
someone to rely on, and one who keeps his/her
word when he/she gives it.
Which Characteristic From the Samurai Code Matches You Best? (You may find out your best trait)
brought to you by Quizilla
You are guided by darkness. Chances are you are
depressed, or you just always see things in a
negative point of view. You sit back and take
everything in. You are the gentle giant. But
one day you will snap. (Rate my test)
What force is your soul?
brought to you by Quizilla
Dark magician. You love the dark because of it's
beauty and just the life that no-one else sees.
Mysterious, calm, quiet... But that doesn't
mean you're not friendly!
Please rate ^^
What kind of dark person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your a Book. Books are very intelligent people.
People may think you are nerdy, but they are
just angry because they don't have those brains
that you got. Like a book, you contain a lot of
information, know what your saying, and are
reliable and filled with knowledge.
What random object are you? Many detailed outcomes - find out about your personality!
brought to you by Quizilla
Monday, January 12, 2004
Nowadays, actually ever since the prospect of having to step into the job market, I have felt very restrained. It feels like a chore, where regardless of whether I liked it or not, I WILL still have to do it. There are so many issues weighing me down, tuition bond is one that weighs very heavily on my mind. Then what I want in life. Now that I am working, my own hrs are very short indeed. N no energy to do more of my favourite things or the lack of time or money. Then there is the issue of Money, $$ is definitely an issue cos I want to earn enough to give my parents, and myself, and pay back the CPF tuition fees.... All these stay very close whenever I go to work, or try to justify or convince myself, ' why was I working so hard? For so little?' The funny thing is when u keep telling yourself, that these are the reasons, they dun sound realistic nor convincing anymore.
But I do feel very Caged and Restraint. My dissatisfaction and frustrations stemming from work and its crap have no outlet. There are no immediate solutions in sight... My freedom lies in the distant future 108 working days and counting... but I live in the Present, not the future! Days must still be lived, work must still be done, Unhappiness will still arise. But somehow I wonder, am I the only one who feels so negative? The only one who is frustrated the the point of anger and despair? Sign. Tai hen desu ne! All these strong negative emotions and stress, if not managed well, could harm a person's health and mentality.... Dun worry, I will try to manage the stress. But is it me or are other jobs not as taxing nor as stressful as what I face? Then I really work very hard, though no one appreciate, and feel 'exploited', pile more work on me. Nowadays, I leave office around 7.15pm. Not one cent extra! Yet lesser personal time for me! Do I need to even go into the exhaustion from doing work continuously? Got to supplement income by tuition, which is enjoyable but still tiring. Then I try very hard, to pursue some activities during weekends, and they are taxing also.. Sometime I feel so exhausted... that I just wanna sleep and not wake up to this life full of crap (not sucidal) but more of sleeping without a care in the world. That is simple wish of mine. Some time out for this person who is almost out of battery. Sometimes I question myself if I should have worked this hard, is it worth the pain and unhappiness and lack of satisfaction? Why try so hard? Why tie yourself into a knot? Why not relax and not fight anymore, just go with the flow. Let things happen naturally. Things might have turned out better? Sign. Frankly I dunno why I fight so hard, work so hard. I guess, I want some element of control in my life, some things that I can control. I guess I dun believe in fate, I want to control my own fate. I guess I cant stand routineness, but needs some challenge and satisfaction. I dun want to give in without a fight, if u want to take me down, U can break me, but I will still fight on until I collapse unconscious. Too exagerated but this is what I feel. Life so far, has been one of responsiblities to fulfil and daily battles that are exhausting to overcome. So for those, who read my palm and think that I have an easy life, I beg to differ! If life should end, I do not wish to have another. Just let death be an eternal slumber, so that finally I can give up fighting and rest easy forever.
But I do feel very Caged and Restraint. My dissatisfaction and frustrations stemming from work and its crap have no outlet. There are no immediate solutions in sight... My freedom lies in the distant future 108 working days and counting... but I live in the Present, not the future! Days must still be lived, work must still be done, Unhappiness will still arise. But somehow I wonder, am I the only one who feels so negative? The only one who is frustrated the the point of anger and despair? Sign. Tai hen desu ne! All these strong negative emotions and stress, if not managed well, could harm a person's health and mentality.... Dun worry, I will try to manage the stress. But is it me or are other jobs not as taxing nor as stressful as what I face? Then I really work very hard, though no one appreciate, and feel 'exploited', pile more work on me. Nowadays, I leave office around 7.15pm. Not one cent extra! Yet lesser personal time for me! Do I need to even go into the exhaustion from doing work continuously? Got to supplement income by tuition, which is enjoyable but still tiring. Then I try very hard, to pursue some activities during weekends, and they are taxing also.. Sometime I feel so exhausted... that I just wanna sleep and not wake up to this life full of crap (not sucidal) but more of sleeping without a care in the world. That is simple wish of mine. Some time out for this person who is almost out of battery. Sometimes I question myself if I should have worked this hard, is it worth the pain and unhappiness and lack of satisfaction? Why try so hard? Why tie yourself into a knot? Why not relax and not fight anymore, just go with the flow. Let things happen naturally. Things might have turned out better? Sign. Frankly I dunno why I fight so hard, work so hard. I guess, I want some element of control in my life, some things that I can control. I guess I dun believe in fate, I want to control my own fate. I guess I cant stand routineness, but needs some challenge and satisfaction. I dun want to give in without a fight, if u want to take me down, U can break me, but I will still fight on until I collapse unconscious. Too exagerated but this is what I feel. Life so far, has been one of responsiblities to fulfil and daily battles that are exhausting to overcome. So for those, who read my palm and think that I have an easy life, I beg to differ! If life should end, I do not wish to have another. Just let death be an eternal slumber, so that finally I can give up fighting and rest easy forever.
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
Well its been 3 weeks into being Internal Bleeding... somehow I am 'losing my resistance' and slowly building a routine, although it would have helped if lesser work is being piled on me... and that I am not expected to master some new stuff in one day's time. Well another relief is that a bitch at work is gone forever, dun have to endure her irritations or crap anymore. "Freedom!" Got my pass so can go out to get water... still lacking in terms of a perm sitting place. Just recently, I puked litres of blood waiting for that bloody 396Mhz comp to stop hanging.... wasting time.. duh... The only consolation is that I may learn more abt some finance related stuff, calculations, if my sup wants to explain more to me. Got along well with the temp n contract staff though still rather quiet when I work. Well most of the time, in brain-still-sleeping mode again. Still havent build up stamina to last the whole day. Then today I had tuition on top of work, piangz, feel so tired now...zzz.. Huh? I fell asleep nowadays after bathe and dinner. Only to wake up to another day of work. In view of on-coming Jap test, if I managed to wake up in the middle of the nite, I would force myself to study n exercise.... after which the remaining hrs used for more sleep... Well still have intern project to do on top of work, so far havent started yet, cos its too diff and hazy to begin. They really are bleeding me dry if I really have to come up with some recommendations... but Kelvin didnt have to do that... sign... "Mercy on this poor exhausted soul!"
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
To all friends and others, hope ya all have a Happy New Year. Today is the last day of the year 2003. As we are moving into 2004, I would like to reflect on my year past and coming year ahead.
Year 2003 to me is remembered as one of struggles, small triumphs and a lot of hard work. Now as I try to recall what are the exact things that I did- I cant really recall exactly.... (partly due to being sick, down with flu).. Well all that I know is that in the first half of the year, I worked real hard to push up my CAP to try to qualify for the honours, which I didnt.
Then I've graduated. Fresh and wide-eyed and facing the job market, I venture forth to look for employment. That search was not forthcoming cos of my empty job experience. Hence another stage in my life begun, with me taking up one temp assignment, teaching tuition. On top of this, learning jap and piano (thanks to Quetzal, appreciate ur efforts alot) cos I wanna pursue some of my dreams concurrently, many which I have deferred due to lack of time, resources or opportunity in the past. Remember how we always say 'well i will do that when i grow up, and have more $$$, or now dun have the time, will do so later when i graduate...' It is impt not to forget these dreams when one is too caught up by daily routine. There comes a time when U have to take action and not wait any longer, grasp the opportunity, cos they wont be there always. Create the opportunities and take them! There are a huge list of things I wanna learn or do, but currently I wil finish this 2 first before I do others. No use taking on too much if one cannot manage. But quite keen on bar-tending course... but the timing is not condusive... But I do take the oppt to try out new drinks, and note their taste whenever I can, not exceeding my twice per mth quota. Then again, this intense second half of the year was one of trials, esp from the time constraints of juggling temp work n tuition and weekend lessons. Many a times, I felt like giving up and stop struggling with fatigue, strong feelings of unhappiness and helplessness. But somehow I managed. A small victory, though a difficult one indeed. I guess, I have learnt much and hopefully my character will grow in strength and I will develop a strong drive to see me to my goals.
Now as I move forth to 2004, I have a challenging n daunting task ahead of me- another half year of struggle as Internal Bleeding, tuition and lessons. For the later half, I hope to see myself more settled to the idea of work as well as the idiosyncrasies and routine related to working, as well as finding a perm job n earning real $$$. Then I dun have to work this hard for peanuts or peanut shells. New year comes in another few hrs, my resolutions are :
1) To be more appreciative of family, friends and people around me.
2) Exercise at least 3 times a week for more stamina to face work.
3) Learn to live in the present and appreciate every day for its lessons and value.
lastly, 4) To face up to challenges and adversity with a brave heart and persevere to the end. To finish all that I started.
All the Best and Happy New Year! *cough, sneeze* Take care and keep in contact.
Year 2003 to me is remembered as one of struggles, small triumphs and a lot of hard work. Now as I try to recall what are the exact things that I did- I cant really recall exactly.... (partly due to being sick, down with flu).. Well all that I know is that in the first half of the year, I worked real hard to push up my CAP to try to qualify for the honours, which I didnt.
Then I've graduated. Fresh and wide-eyed and facing the job market, I venture forth to look for employment. That search was not forthcoming cos of my empty job experience. Hence another stage in my life begun, with me taking up one temp assignment, teaching tuition. On top of this, learning jap and piano (thanks to Quetzal, appreciate ur efforts alot) cos I wanna pursue some of my dreams concurrently, many which I have deferred due to lack of time, resources or opportunity in the past. Remember how we always say 'well i will do that when i grow up, and have more $$$, or now dun have the time, will do so later when i graduate...' It is impt not to forget these dreams when one is too caught up by daily routine. There comes a time when U have to take action and not wait any longer, grasp the opportunity, cos they wont be there always. Create the opportunities and take them! There are a huge list of things I wanna learn or do, but currently I wil finish this 2 first before I do others. No use taking on too much if one cannot manage. But quite keen on bar-tending course... but the timing is not condusive... But I do take the oppt to try out new drinks, and note their taste whenever I can, not exceeding my twice per mth quota. Then again, this intense second half of the year was one of trials, esp from the time constraints of juggling temp work n tuition and weekend lessons. Many a times, I felt like giving up and stop struggling with fatigue, strong feelings of unhappiness and helplessness. But somehow I managed. A small victory, though a difficult one indeed. I guess, I have learnt much and hopefully my character will grow in strength and I will develop a strong drive to see me to my goals.
Now as I move forth to 2004, I have a challenging n daunting task ahead of me- another half year of struggle as Internal Bleeding, tuition and lessons. For the later half, I hope to see myself more settled to the idea of work as well as the idiosyncrasies and routine related to working, as well as finding a perm job n earning real $$$. Then I dun have to work this hard for peanuts or peanut shells. New year comes in another few hrs, my resolutions are :
1) To be more appreciative of family, friends and people around me.
2) Exercise at least 3 times a week for more stamina to face work.
3) Learn to live in the present and appreciate every day for its lessons and value.
lastly, 4) To face up to challenges and adversity with a brave heart and persevere to the end. To finish all that I started.
All the Best and Happy New Year! *cough, sneeze* Take care and keep in contact.
Monday, December 29, 2003
Today... I went to work at 8.30am and ended at 8pm..... when I finally dragged myself out of the office, I looked at the sky.... It feels like its going to rain... and the crescent moon looks beautiful though solitary... A cool breeze blew past my face, I feel a bit less wretched. *Sign No $$$ for extra effort or OT.... Man this is not a good deal. *grumbles... what a crap of a monday... I hate printing and editing...
On my way home, a coincidence that I met a former collegue from my previous zoo... Then I complain and lament, after that felt better. Somehow I feel very much like exercising very hard- though I should be careful and not hurt myself. Well tom is sooo very near. Just had my dinner n bath, now brain-dead, stoning infront of computer n tv.... wondering if I should play games, exercise or just sleep... Hmm a drink is super tempting... but then again I am falling ill...
To friends out there, take care, cos the weather is not so good. *cough...sneeze.... (I wonder if I should fall sick and get MC, maybe later... cos holidays round the corner.)
On my way home, a coincidence that I met a former collegue from my previous zoo... Then I complain and lament, after that felt better. Somehow I feel very much like exercising very hard- though I should be careful and not hurt myself. Well tom is sooo very near. Just had my dinner n bath, now brain-dead, stoning infront of computer n tv.... wondering if I should play games, exercise or just sleep... Hmm a drink is super tempting... but then again I am falling ill...
To friends out there, take care, cos the weather is not so good. *cough...sneeze.... (I wonder if I should fall sick and get MC, maybe later... cos holidays round the corner.)
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
*sign.... just 125 more days to freedom....
sign...The age gap bet collegues is too great... mostly mothers or married... dun even have the energy to interact... cos I feel very exhausted. They all thot I sick or what then they thot tt cos I worked before, so 'should be' used to the hours... Well its been 3 weeks since I last worked... and not 9hr per day type.... Well when I'm tired esp dead tired not to mention brain-still-sleeping mode, I am very quiet... and just do my work-type. There are still many more days to go I guess...
Dunno if I come across as a pessimist but dun really have much positive stuff to say nowadays about the present.. No wonder sometimes I keep on looking forward to the future (more of my days of freedom) or dwell in the past (more to looking back at my days of freedom)...
Sometimes we are all so caught up in our work and other activities that we fail to stop a while to notice how blue the sky is.. how beautiful the sun-rise is... and then realise that u are missing out on something... and signed when u realise that u are indeed small in this bigger world out there... Unfortunately before u can finish ur philosophical thoughts, the bus or train turns into the tunnel.... and u hurry back to the 'rat-race'. To those, I saw this and found it highly meaningful:
"Happiness never comes to those who fail to appreciate what they already have"
It is only after my hectic schedule that only sees me back in home after the sun has gone down.... on days of tuition, reach home around 1030 or later.... on weekends, out the whole day... Not much time spent with family. They are understanding of my hectic schedule, supportive. They are one reason for me working so hard.... esp with regards to getting a perm job. But sometimes I forget to appreciate the time together. I have to keep that in mind... and constantly remind myself to adhere to that. That in working hard, I dun forget what is REALLY important.
Well Merry Christmas to all, though mine is a sad one.... got out of the office around 4 plus, reached home 5, then rush for tuition 6.30 plus. Arrived home 10.45pm... Well not that I celebrate anyway but the so-called 'half day' is really a fraud... and everyday still have to ask if i can go... damn... i feel like a kid. I only feel like either drowning my sorrow and exhaustion in alcohol... or just sleeping. I guess that is the best medicine I can get... Tom I'll just stay home with family and Fri is going to be a LONG day and dinner with JC friends. I should try to settle in but I am fighting it constantly.... cos I dun wanna be caught up in this routine, and be numb abt doing the routine... Many others whom I have met and asked, told me that that is the deal. It is normal to be numb. Job is nothing much more than for the $$ and something u cant help but still have to do chore. But that violates what I want from a job. I dun expect challenge everyday or what colourful days... but just a sense of ownership and responsibility and decision-making. Sounds idealistic? Well guess I havent learnt my lesson well. I am an idealist in heart and still hold onto my dreams.
sign...The age gap bet collegues is too great... mostly mothers or married... dun even have the energy to interact... cos I feel very exhausted. They all thot I sick or what then they thot tt cos I worked before, so 'should be' used to the hours... Well its been 3 weeks since I last worked... and not 9hr per day type.... Well when I'm tired esp dead tired not to mention brain-still-sleeping mode, I am very quiet... and just do my work-type. There are still many more days to go I guess...
Dunno if I come across as a pessimist but dun really have much positive stuff to say nowadays about the present.. No wonder sometimes I keep on looking forward to the future (more of my days of freedom) or dwell in the past (more to looking back at my days of freedom)...
Sometimes we are all so caught up in our work and other activities that we fail to stop a while to notice how blue the sky is.. how beautiful the sun-rise is... and then realise that u are missing out on something... and signed when u realise that u are indeed small in this bigger world out there... Unfortunately before u can finish ur philosophical thoughts, the bus or train turns into the tunnel.... and u hurry back to the 'rat-race'. To those, I saw this and found it highly meaningful:
"Happiness never comes to those who fail to appreciate what they already have"
It is only after my hectic schedule that only sees me back in home after the sun has gone down.... on days of tuition, reach home around 1030 or later.... on weekends, out the whole day... Not much time spent with family. They are understanding of my hectic schedule, supportive. They are one reason for me working so hard.... esp with regards to getting a perm job. But sometimes I forget to appreciate the time together. I have to keep that in mind... and constantly remind myself to adhere to that. That in working hard, I dun forget what is REALLY important.
Well Merry Christmas to all, though mine is a sad one.... got out of the office around 4 plus, reached home 5, then rush for tuition 6.30 plus. Arrived home 10.45pm... Well not that I celebrate anyway but the so-called 'half day' is really a fraud... and everyday still have to ask if i can go... damn... i feel like a kid. I only feel like either drowning my sorrow and exhaustion in alcohol... or just sleeping. I guess that is the best medicine I can get... Tom I'll just stay home with family and Fri is going to be a LONG day and dinner with JC friends. I should try to settle in but I am fighting it constantly.... cos I dun wanna be caught up in this routine, and be numb abt doing the routine... Many others whom I have met and asked, told me that that is the deal. It is normal to be numb. Job is nothing much more than for the $$ and something u cant help but still have to do chore. But that violates what I want from a job. I dun expect challenge everyday or what colourful days... but just a sense of ownership and responsibility and decision-making. Sounds idealistic? Well guess I havent learnt my lesson well. I am an idealist in heart and still hold onto my dreams.
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