*Heave a huge sign.... anger metre rising, pumping iron... In need of a chill out asap

Why?

I dun know why is it that there are dysfunctional pple around me, and they like to 'takan' me.

Scene of crime 1: Office, Wed, early morning
Suspect: Printer and paper

Had to sit at another seat cos no free terminal at A (current unit - A, other unit where i slogged - B, got another unit -C) so had to sit at C. One dysfunctional B***H behind me. I know of her existence and she knows of mine, but we have not talked before. So using their printer, then printer jam.

B*TCH: " Eh? Our printer never jam for long time already... Why when u first time use, then jam? Dun come and spoil our printer."

Internal Bleeding: "......"

(I was wondering what was the big deal, so I took out the jammed paper. I felt she shouldnt have immediately pointed the finger at me as if my fault. Fault for what, cause a jam? Duh.... But I was irritated that the first thing she says to me, infront of Unit C's Supervisor is to point and blame me for a paper jam. What did I ever do to her? Damn her..... So that nite I pumped iron until my anger subsided. I was wary of her after that.)

Crime Scene 2: Office, same seat, after lunch, thursday
Suspect: Hot weather outside and cold air-conditioning in office, coughing fits

After lunch, I started having a coughing fit, cos outside is a bit warmer then I return to office environment, so often I start coughing. Or it was something I ate. But I just kept coughing.... for longer than an hour. But after a few loud coughs.... that B*tch made another comment to another collegue just beside.

B*tch: "Wah she cough like that, before X (the owner of my current seat) returns, have to wipe and kill the germs."

Internal Bleeding: "......cough....cough...." (continue to do work even though hear the statement clearly)

(Lemme ask u. Do u think she has a grudge with me. So what if I cough. Its not in your face. Its not your desk. Who ever asked for ur opnion. Just shut your bloody trap. Me already having a very hard time controlling the coughing fit, and coughing with so much exertion, dun feel so good as keep on coughing, and u still add oil to fire. I really felt like challenging her to a fist fight. What is her fucking problem? Pple cannot cough right. Must ask for permission to do so. Go to hell u bitch. U deserve hell for that poisonous tongue that spills forth hurting remarks thoughtlessly.)

So here I am fuming again at that statement. Okay for the first one, maybe like what my sis said, I am too sensitive. But this second incident only serves to convince me and anyone else that she dun like me and dun want to make me feel welcome. HEY come on, I only sitting there until another seat can be found. I wont interupt ur work, so what is the big fucKing deal?)

In the end, I am here blogging, trying to channel my anger, irritation, and immense dislike n saddness into something more constructive. Maybe I'll kick my bro to play PSII, after this.

Sometimes I am amazed and yet surprised at myself:

AMAZED:

Cos somehow I find the courage and will to face up to another workday even though I was terribly hurt/angered/pissed/xian at the end of the previous workday. I dug deep inside to find the strength to carry on..... Inspite of the very very bad incidents of being blamed, told off by numerous bitches..... pms... dysfunctional... crazy....

For this strength, I am very thankful to my family and friends who listen to me curse and swear at the incidents. Must have numberous complaints already. I must also recognise the contributions by my PSII, Blog, Comics, Gackt songs and Game themesongs, that when I listen, I found some inner peace, and smoothe my anger yet put me in focus again.

Surprised

That somehow I am human with feelings. Huh? why surprised? Cos I always thot of myself as a controlled individual, with little feelings. Not to mention that I dun show much emotional on my 'frowning and stern' face. But once I started work, certain incidents really caused me to flare up tremendously, despair and almost overwhlem with saddness, feel glad that the hard work seems to pay, and lost with no directions feel that everything is pointless and going nowhere. I can feel? But i guess not so much shows, but is inside. So i complain n complain.... Hope friends dun become too burdened by these revelations.

In spite of all these bitches, there are still nice pple around. They are the ones that heals u, and pushes u on. I am very grateful to those in Unit A. Will think of getting something for them when I leave, esp one.

But sometimes I wonder, when I work- Do I belong to the Bitch camp or the other camp that are decent pple who can motivate and help others. Sign I really dun know.....