... stares aimlessly at the clock, the watch, the calendar... when will thy day of salvation arrive. Another two weeks and one day more. 11 working days more.

Really suddenly I realized that 6 mths can just whizz past. There are those who are envious and those curious as to why I am not converting. My answer is that I was not offered anything... U mean I had to go and ask? Huh? Nvm, I will just join the pool of unemployed out there.

Anyway I got to know and talk more in Office with a few other interns. Its quite rare, given that I hardly talked in Office. Anyway we all seem to be on the same frequency so the topics were interesting... A bit of a pity that I only got to know them last week, not to mention leaving.

Today's main task was print letter, photocopy letters, then fold and put inside envelopes... The whole task took up most of my time. Did I mention that there was over a hundred envelopes. One of the intern I chatted with, remarked that there are actually machines that can fold docs, insert into envelopes and paste postage. Well what more can I say? This task reminded me again the reason why I am glad to be gone. It helps reinforce the REASON, in case I get too caught up in stuff etc that I forgot why I wanted to leave. Tom will be another letter day.

There are things that I really wanted to do soooo badly while I was working... but as the time of my freedom approaches, I find that I am too tired - mentally, emotionally and physically to do them. Yet I am afraid that if I let myself go too much... ie laze around at home, indulge in games and sleep, then I would lose the focus that I have. The type of focus that working imbugues one with. The DRIVE that was fueled by my anger, dissatisfaction, ambitions and dreams.... not to mention the bitches that almost drove me crazy, but yet I directed all the humilation, seething anger and negative energies into a DRIVE that FOCUSED me to live through the dark days... to look forward to something else. That though I cant find it in my current position, that I will STRIVE to find it elsewhere. I hope not to relax too much...

Once a former collegue asked me why cant I live a free n easy life? Why is it that I am always sooooo serious and tense? My answer from the bottom of my heart: " If I can throw away everything and just lead a life that is not so focused, I might. But why must I be like U? What works for u, what defines u? Should u use that as the parameters to judge me? I am just being myself... I dun really enjoy being me, but just becos there are lesser of pple like me, then I am living life wrongly then? I beg to differ. There are definitely more than 1 way to live a life. Time is fair to all, though life might not be fair. I choose to lead my life the way that is truest to me at that point, at that moment. Though I might look back later and regret certain decisions and actions.... but hey, I am not perfect. I didnt say so. I am Human after all and I err. The only 3 things that I hope for is to be brave enough to charge forward to the unknown, to live in the present and appreciate family and pple around me. Those whom our paths crossed and parted. That we might never see each other again, or meet as strangers somewhere else. But I have lived, laughed and cried, suffered and enjoyed, be true to myself, and that is all that matters... When we die, who is there to judge whether we have led a good life, lived most meaningfully... I believed we are the only judge for our own lives.

(what am I trying to say here? I dunno...)