YAY!!!!! One more bloody day to go. In which I only have 1 class cos of the exams again. Tom I will be santa hellbound with my sack of tibits for farewell. *Groans* Tonight have to pack them. Some felt $24 bucks is too much to spend on these kids. I dunno. Due to the nature of my workplace, there are quite a number of kids whom come from low income. Guess it'll be a treat for them. In certain classes most are okay so if one buys a cheapo mechanical pencil or pen, think they wont appreciate it also. Tibits seems a neutral choice. If they dun like, give family or friends though I have not met one whom dislike tibits.

The P5 class generally well behaved, did most of their work, participated in class and listen to my sometimes dry and boring English lesson. So they deserve something, though they have been really well-trained. Tom no lesson with them but will go up to give them b4 their recess.

The P4 class gets to me on some days. Once I almost lost control and almost teared AND nearly scolded them "shut the bloody fuck up!!!!' (imagine the repercussions of the 2nd option) But I controlled myself. There is really no point in getting too angry, cos its not personal. So I calmed myself and continued. Stood there folding my arms and keeping quiet until the class noticed and quietens on its own. Even keeping them back once for 15mins after school becos they were too disruptive. I didnt allow them to move until they kept quiet. The noisy ones were hushed up by their peers. After that things dun go too bad. BUT there are some who try hard in class though maths is not their thing, some who will take the initiative to ask for help, ask about homework. Generally they do greet me outside of class and even outside of school. Most dun run around when I am looking at them but do so when I turn around *signs* BUT they too deserve a little something for their general efforts. Some dun deserve it but most try so its good enough for me. Tom one more lesson with this class, final revision also. Hope to be able to cover some useful parts. Then last 5 mins then give them the stuff.

Just glad that the day is over for now. Its more bearable when its near the end somehow. Feel like going out to reward myself but still feel a bit anemic and tired. See how things go. I seriously dun feel like going back to the workplace but I dun have a choice. Last time write-in and call-in also still sent me back. Some collegues have been asking if I would most likely be coming back, I'll tell them "dunno" If they ask further if I want to come back, I'll say "its a bit far and inconvenient for me in the mornings." Dun care about the repercussions of that. Its not negative, its the bloody truth. There is no point at this juncture to write-in BECOS one letter from the P decides everything liao. If I write-in and went through alot of trouble only to still be sent back, I tell ya, the feeling really stinks and the stay would be very very sian. Like what I felt earlier before the practicum. So I'll just leave it. I chatted with the other trainee, and told her of my troubles in changing tp venue and she told me that b4 we enter NEI, the P would have to fill in some forms with regards and they have the option to request for the contract to come back. SO I dunno but strongly suspected that the P ticked that option for me. That could be why my efforts all went for naught and almost my entire stay reeks of frustration. So if I have to stay at a place for at least 3 yrs, I dun think I could stand feeling frustrated for 3 years cos I failed once again to change, despite repeated tries and lots of effort. Hence I just decided to leave it. The P over-rides me anyway and other P's may not take priority. So I'll just secretly hope that they dun want me.

A funny thing though. Yesterday during contact time, I sat with this collegue whom just came back from maternity. She was from my mentor's gang of friends and we often eat together. She asked me if I would be posted back. I looked at her and told her in a low tone that I dun want to. I already went to temple to pray, if cannot really nothing to say. Asked her if she would help pray for me at her mosque. She looked back at me and said that she also want to get out. But she didnt. So what makes me sure it'll work for me? Argh!!!! I jokingly asked her to change mosque. It lightens up the sianness of the long meeting yesterday but of course at my expense.

Most probably going to go home right after school. Bring some corrections to mark and I am done. I feel like celebrating but dunno what to do yet. Maybe give myself a good treat and relax the whole day. Sounds good.