Had a damn hectic week cos busy marking, collating component marks as well as go thru the CA papers before school ends. On top of that, tio observation today. Then this week, I have TO stay late every single day cos got cca, remedial,meeting, sports day practice plus meeting parents.

Just when I finally lived through the bloody hectic day of going-thru-paper/observation/marking/meeting, I got a call from parent. Called back and it escalated into another argument. Basically the ill-informed and responsibility-phobic parent made quite a number of unreasonable things that I SHOULD do cos her kid didnt do well. Saying things like cannot expect them to do, still kids, cannot push responsibility to them blah blah. Lets just say, after the whole thing, I was left damn frustrated and fuming. Bloody hell, what a big baby u got there, If students cannot be expected to be responsible with their own work, who can be? Request for seating changes, that I can do and will do. So magically, all their grades will improve, since it was such a fundamental reason for the sharp decline in grades.

Guess the episode will continue in the coming parent-meeting talk. Think I will bring a voice recorder to secretly record the conversations to "protect my butt" so that I can show and prove what is so unreasonable. Also if I know its going on tape, will try to give politically-correct answers instead of getting angry so easily.

I knocked off late again with one more stack of composition to finish, with marks to tally up and key into this centralized system (COCKIT) I tried to calm my anger by thinking about how I will bring this incident to the class tomorrow and let them 'learn' what is responsiblity. Let them give me the answers. A cold vanilla milkshake drink and a bath helped to ease the anger back to the bottle.

From this, I dun think this is really for me. I am resolving myself to "invest" additional amts into Toto and get started on 4D asap. I want my ticket out. Either I am burning out on both ends due to the heavy load and non-teaching load, or my health is giving way (nose is semi-blocked/wake up shivering in the morning) or suffer high-blood pressure from getting angry and scolding (though I am low-blood) or going crazy with the same few students and their equally-if-not irritating and infurating parents and on top of that, start feeling life is kinda a sad affair...

Wake up bloody early, spend quite a bit to reach the place I would rather not go to, go through the same shit with the same few F(**kers. Then have a 2nd shift until evening, reach home late and lastly even after reach home, have a 3rd shift up til 12am or later at times. Teachers have a good life? My ass!!!!! Already down for 4days for the March holidays. Still adding to that number. Dun have time to go to gym, read a book, even go out to spend my blood-money on weekdays. Feel so tired, just want to sleep when i reach home and shortly after, the same shit repeats itself. I find myself asking "Y the FUCK am I doing this?" Only the bond is still keeping me inside. Now is almost 8mths. Got 2yr 4mths. IF i cannot tahan anymore, I wont wait for that CONNECT plan thing. Think my sanity is worth much more.

Note to myself, the share market seems to be going down, I will try to 'go' in when it is lower. To let my money work as hard as me, if can make decent returns, maybe can break the bond earlier.

Doesnt sound like a motivated Teacher right? Well that is the true face of education. One that pple do not see cos its so well-kept away from the public's eyes or the misconception is so deeply ingrained that pple keep assuming teaching nowadays was like how it was 20-30years ago. My answer to that is "YOU R BLOODY MISINFORMED." Dun think its easy, then only to find out the REAL picture when u are locked inside by a bond. Guess that is why some break their bonds soon and return to the private sector very shortly. Signz my JC friend did tell me, my prospects not so good if i go out to private sector as I didnt really have much pte sector experience. That friend told me he was actually contemplating quitting as an auditor and joining teaching but he was put off by 2 things.

Firstly teaching is ironic because it is becoming Customer-Driven like a private sector cos these models are incorporated into education to "improve" the sector, YET the way things goes on inside especially by mgt is more of ARMY-style, where teachers are officers and got reporting officiers and Commanders. Mgt tells u to jump, you only ask "How High?" He feels that it is very oxy-moronic that both can co-exists. So he hesistated.

The Second reason is that he told me its a well-known fact (think he experienced it in his Army days) that Civil tends to leave the inefficient and slackers aside for them to float by without doing much and load up the better pple with so much shit, that they either float or sink. Met some taiji-grandmasters.

Anyway he would be getting a pay raise soon, to about 3.3k, so he was also unwilling to give it up and take a big pay-cut going into NEI.

A collegue of higher status than me told me kinda-recently in a matter-of-fact manner "Those who REALLY want to teach, should NOT join teaching." He explained that teacher's job is not to teach already. There are so much more responsiblities beyond just the teaching load. Teachers have to work their butts off. He gave instances where he stayed more than 24hrs, go without sleep to meet some really unrealistic deadlines. Again that is an extreme. But again an oxy-moronic statement. So I surmise, "Those who REALLY want to teach, should be a tuition teacher, or be an Adjunct teacher or a contract/relief teacher." My time as a contract teacher and even as a trainee teacher, I was doing alot of teaching and thinking about how to teach in a better way. Now as a almost-full-fledged teacher, I hardly have time for myself to rest, not-to-mention thinking and reflecting on my teaching and coming up with better or more interesting ways to teach.

What I feel, teaching though is my interest but that 'passion is dying', doused by the cold waters of frustration and anger. For now I can only take things one day at a time to wait out the bond, before I can spread my wings. Hopefully my NEST is decent by then. K I am going mapling to destress b4 the 3rd shift.