Looking for a way out...

I dun know whether I am being too rash, give up too easily or blowing things out of proportion. I have never been so unhappy ever since ShittyBank as an intern.

I want out!

I need a way out, before I break.

I am already cracking...

Life is dull. Work sucks.

Where is that 'freshness' and 'everything-is-new-and-is-challenging' feeling that I have during my contract and even during practicum days.

How much of the "I am interested in the teaching aspect" passion is left...

I just want to STOP everything and really take time to rediscover for myself what is it I really want and seek.

To take the time to rest and recover my body, health and broken spirits.

What is stopping me is the remainder of the bond. At a price of $21.6k, I am locked in for another 2yr 2mths.

I need an action plan to get this amount. The choices are limited. Either get the money and break and go, OR just bear with it and do Survivor until it ends.

I am doing the gambling part (Toto and 4D), trying to invest (reading frantically and waiting for mkt to crash but need another 6mths to stablise even if crash) and maybe look at job applications. Maybe take on another job even if in pte sector.

Cos what are the fears that is keeping many locked in. They perceive that they do not have much value in the pte sector. They think that they cant re-enter easily. To confront that fear, maybe send out job applications and see if can get any offers? Just to test, if it is really true. If a better offer can come along, why the hell not? Can have a means to pay off the bond and a job. Hmm think will start with this weekend's job classified.

Maybe see if can become a full-time tutor. If I can get almost an equivalent pay, things arent as bleak.

Time to take charge and not be so helpless at it all. Just bearing with it, by either changing perspectives is a way to deal with it. But sometimes how much of yourself are you killing?

Signz

Am I too idealistic? Think too much? Too soft? Give up too easily?

I dunno, but I want to do something to reduce this mental/physical/health pressures I am having. Is it right? I guess in this game of life, things are not as simple as a 'yes' and 'no' answer. The grey areas are just too grey, never with easy answers.