Well its been a long absence since the last post. Reason being the same - Work. I ever wonder if it is remotely possible to achieve work-life balance at the rate I am going. Its not that I did not try to leave earlier, eg 3pm plus but by the time I reached home its about 4.30pm. Magically the time that is left seems so much shorter.
Kinda feeling very shagged at the moment. Partly cos 2 consequtive whole Sats have been burnt by CCA and NE Parade. Then these couple of weeks have been really long. Just this week, I will be down for stuff everyday. Its no wonder some collegues are all falling down with mc. I got mc 2 weeks back, dun think I should take another.
Also the daily morning epic battle with my stomache and the sensitive bowels is draining my energy. Its not so bad in the normal office hours but in the mornings, its kinda sensitive to any trace of food and drinks like plain water.
Another couple more mins to the start of work again.... Having lived past my very heavy monday and tuesday. Today also kinda heavy.
My life kinda sucks now.
Just yesterday, I was mildly contented with myself though I had left later cos I did extra stuff for 1 student and settled a discipline issue and I was even contemplating signing up for that guitar course during the Sept holidays.
Then this morning, I woke up so shagged that I just want to go home immediately after work today to sleep. BUT today have NAFFA test, I am down until dunno what time. Then got Meeting. How to even get my sleep? Was wondering if I really have the energy to go for guitar classes? But if I let it get to me, when will I ever learn to play better?
A collegue remarked that one has to learn how to create time. Well if one lives closer and dun have to spend so much time commuting, I guess I would have an extra 2 hrs daily to do the stuff i really want to.
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To end off from where I left, I continued my day and had a kinda of a bad one. Then that bloody parent come n bother me again. I had to stay back late til 5.30pm, its after work then meeting, then with little rest to that Naffa test duty. Then got that stupid fool come disturb me. Kinda spoils my day. Its been a long day. Its at times like this that I ever asked myself,
"Why'd hell did I sign for this?" ,
"Is it really worth it? All the work and effort?"
Sadly the conclusion is still bleak, its not worth it man. The stupid pay adjustment still havent arrived yet. Then got another adminstrative thing shoved down our throats that was launched during the meeting... that the plate is already too full, already falling over, then add on. Such that immediately after the meeting, the other BT and I ended up speaking in low tones in a deserted area abt our dissatisfaction- one has to be an educator, cca, launch project, initiate project, facillitate, plan, do, monitor, follow-up etc the list is endless. Then what of our lives? What of our time? our health?
Its bad enough that this job is making pple into workaholics. Then in the same conspiratial tone, I was sharing with them that if cannot tahan, after bond, go. Yar they agree. Thinking of pte or tuition.
After being tired everyday, working long hours everyday, it really does wonders to one's lvl of satisfaction and expectations of staying on for long in the job. Then we were analysising the Connect plan payout, to count-down the duration left of the bond and the payout....Guess all those publicity abt it being rewarding is kinda crap given this is how alot feel. Trapped by the bond for 3yrs then lured on to stay 1 yr extra by the carrot.
Given most are married, hence their focus is family and their job. Job provides the income for the family. Hence the long hours, they are somewhat forced to endure it. But for single person like me, it kinda eats into whatever little social life I have had in the first place. Whatever recreational time I had left. Just so draining. I remarked that I had thought I was the only one with these thoughts but it seems at least at my place, the other BTs think similarly. All are seriously just lasting until the connect plan then go for greener pastures elsewhere. Its kinda sad but yet a real life depiction of what being an Educator has become.
Its not so abt the teaching anymore, it has become a portfolio mgt where teaching is but only one basic aspect. Much more is involved. The adaptation of private sector ideas and practices has morphed it into a monstrosity that has taken a life of its own... so much so that it encompasses everything.
Its like you wake up to work, work the whole day, reach home, just to stone a few hours before its time to sleep for the work the next day. What kinda life is this? Well to compare, with my current pay, for just pure official school hours, dividing out, I am paid abt $21 per hour. Excluding the extra hours of remedial, cca. Also excluding the Sats spent, the afterwork meetings, in-house courses or signed-up courses, activities like naffa, sports day, time for marking, doing the other admin work, extra time to monitor students be it work, counsel etc. Its much lower if you take into accout the 'real' time spent. And these exclude the 3rd shift for work done at home and during weekends. What kinda of an hourly pay is that after ALL these real work are added in?
Life is more lucrative and simpler as a tutor, at least the rate is a decent $25 and above per hour. I dont have to work this hard as an adminstrative paper pusher at some private company.
Its really I have no life. No time after travelling home, no energy. Life sucks. I am trying to make it better. It still sucks. I cant do what I want, it sucks. The least is now I am shirking some kinda of admin work so that I dont do anything once I reach home and during weekdays.
My mom was trying to tell me to change my perspective. She told me her friends' daughters who are teachers, all ended up running home crying in the initial 2 yrs. Later things pick up as one knows tai-chi. But that is still not the way things should be going on in a supposedly fulfilling job. At least one thing is for certain, after 1 yr 1 mth, I am still decided on leaving.
