Monday, July 26, 2004

Temples and Prayers
 
Today went to temple to pray for some good luck in job as well as family health. Went with my mom, Candle and Tab. We went to the Guan Yin temple in Bugis and also the Hindu Temple. Me and Candle went to 'qiu qian' to seek some answers for some questions regarding mostly job and seek some blessings. In addition, for Candle, her love life. For me, family health. So far the news is good. Hopefully it will come true. Will definitely go back to return the favour if things go well. Anyway its nice to go out, to do something different. Its been a long long while. While we're there, went shopping at OG and Bugis junction. Bought a GREEN backpack and Spider Man 2 soundtrack!
 
Some Thoughts & Reflections
 
There is still a long road ahead, and I am still at the starting point. The past year has barely made a dent. Where will the journey lead me? Will I find or lose myself? Where will I ultimately end up in? When can I know what is my true calling? I wonder how I would think as I look back at my current state from a future date. But I will have to continue to traverse on this path. Well, I will continue to read up more financial books, build up my skills and knowledge, enjoy what I still enjoy and learn all that I really wanted to learn. Exercise also, feeling a bit fat...at the moment.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Well regarding the temp job episode. Its not any great loss. In fact, I felt really focused on the Next step to take. No more temp jobs. Have to be less anxious and search more thoroughly for better offers out there. Dun think will go back for that two weeks. The money is innocent but the motivation is nil.
 
Incidentally I realized that its been a year, since I first started on my quest to gain more work experience. I remembered starting on the 21st Jul 2003. First day of work on my first job. Well its high time to take a break and chill out. Though I look serious, I do need my recreation, fun and chilling out times too.
 
Award Won: Full Attendance!
 
This saturday marked the end of Level 1 Japanese. All 'graduates' attended a ceremony to be awarded a Tenrikyo Certificate, certifying that the incumbent has passed the internal exams. Onward ho! Next stop, Level 2. The event is held at Crown Prince Hotel, the one in Orchard, with Swensens outlet. The interesting fact was the domination of female over males, and also that the higher the levels, (up to level 6) the lesser the students. I aim for at least Level 4. It was a nice event with a OISHI buffet with videos of their activities. Cant seem to remember the last time where I attended a nice and enjoyable hotel function.
 
Well first up, Krynnder, ZX, Tab and me were kept occupied with a Jap food crossword puzzle, gunning for a prize. Then we had to go up to stage to collect our certs. Its a nice looking cert, with our full names translated. Its pretty amusing to see how ZX, Krynnder and Tab fumbled with their digital cams to take shots of each other when it came to our turn to go up. Most of us ended up with blurred shots or back views of ourselves. Okay they had this award for full attendance and highest marks in the level. So I got the full attendance award. Had to go up again. The prize is a nice metallic Sheaffer pen. Shucks, it was nothing compared to my university attendance. But I was teased endlessly by Tab... "Hey, a few years later..... for the Nth time in the last few years for full attendance.... Yenn!!!!!" Man, thanks for the compliments *scarcastic* Then after the speech by teachers and guests, its onto the food. All of us were starving and boy was the food delicious. Each had two helpings.  Later we left and went on our separate ways....
 
Me and Tab went to check out the youth council stuff near Cineleisure and there was this band performance outside cineleisure. Apparently some event to help with the ST pocket fund. So that band was so lame that we didnt stop but went straight for the youth council. Chanced upon a photo of a J-rock group, Baroque that came to spore a few years back. It was the first time that one J-rock band actually came to Spore. It was for the youth festival with band performances lasting the whole day. Well of course the J rock band Baroque was the ultimate highlight. They finally showed up around 8pm. I had waited patiently with Tab from afternoon until then. Tab left for something else later. Their performances was definitely worth the wait. Very explosive, alot of talent and showmanship. I remembered feeling very high, amazed and impressed. It was definitely worth the time. Didnt take pictures then so that photo brought back some good memories abt the Orchard area. hehe.
 
When we went back to Cineleisure, another band RAVE started performing. Their songs, self compositions were very Good! The band vocalist has a strong voice and the music rocks. Very versatile group performing rockish, boy band types and even slow numbers. I loved the beat and melodies. Man, this break I should practice more on my guitar. Hmm Electric guitar, bass..... I wanna learn them all!

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Ups and Downs
 
I am very much convinced that this year is a bad one for me. Well, until this afternoon around 4pm, I was still okay.... Nevermind that my JC friends seemed to be doing very well, most employed and earning around $2.5K. Nvm that they seem concerned that I might be monkeying around.... which i wasnt. I am already trying very hard. Disheartened sometimes but not giving up. Nvm that I am just getting a temp pay.... Nvm that I always have some 'bad' experience in all my work assignments.... BUT the straw came when out of the blue. Who would imagine that for a simple 1 mth temp assignment, one had to encounter this type of crap..... Well this afternoon, was just told abruptly that Friday is the last day. All four of us temps were like 'huh?!? WTF!' Oh, the 1 mth assignment just split into a two weeks assignment first then followed by a probable two weeks somewhere in mid August. So we had to rush our stuff until this friday then scram...
 
Well part of me was glad cos work was mundane and suddenly I want very much to stay at home. Cos yest I took half day cos not feeling so good. Then when I got home, my sis was happily gaming. Then watching tv. I just laid on the floor. Too tired to move into the room. Then telling myself to fix up my resume and send before six. Still had a movie to catch in the evening. The difference is that my sis having holiday. Mine is not. Mine is a totemo long working life ahead. Sign.

The other part felt pissed. Why is it that I cant even pass a 1 mth assignment without any negative experience.... People okay. Work dull. Pay low. Still okay. But this incident had to spoil everything. So plans are up-set. So peanuts fall. Due to small amount in the first place, the fall was greater than anticipated. Due to the cpf implication, the gross peanut is grossly obscene. Furthermore, the amount of expenses incurred to earn peanuts result in even precariously lower levels of net peanuts left. I think I am better teaching tuition. Okay I am signing up with more. Well its really use finish then discard.  We didnt screw up. Its them. They didnt anticpate the delays so whose fault is that they overshot their frickingly small budget. Well we just had to accept the option for that two weeks but were very unhappy. In fact, I lost my motivation to work. I was like seething slowly. Cos its unfair. Hence called up the agency and told them. The agency promised to look into it. Just told them to look out for contract posts for me. Then I called up a couple more. Just signed up at one tuition agency. I dun feel like going to work tom.
 
Too bad I cant play sabotauer. Well just my luck. I am seriously contemplating going to temple to pray for better luck with jobs. Especially with regards to finding one, settling down and building a career. In the meantime, just going to pick up my bit of holiday where I left it some 2.5 weeks ago. Going back to being plain old me again.
 
 

Friday, July 16, 2004

Interesting Revalations
 
Today had some short and interesting exchange with one male collegue (very hard to find male collegues in Operations man). Cos I noticed earlier that he used an Absolute Vodka bottle as his water flask AND an empty cigar box as his stationary box. Hmm... intriguing. So he had to teach me some of the stuff, so he was my first contact there. So anyway, today just asked him casually if he drank Vodka and smoked cigars, which he admitted.
 
Okay... So here comes the interesting part. He told me that there is a difference between Vodka and Tequila. I was like 'huh? u meant the taste?'.  Not that. Its the effect of the alcohol. 'Really?'. He explained that Tequila alcohol effect or the high kicks in very fast after consuming the drink, hence after a while, the drinker is sober. But for Vodka, the effect is reverse. U can drink as much without the high or feeling anything. So continue drinking like nobody's business... until later WHAM! The full force of the alcohol kicks in and POW! One....Two....Three *Ding Ding "U're OUT!" (I pondered for a while, then realised that its quite true. That partially explains why I was getting drunker and drunker on my way home....the explaination makes sense) So gals, beware Vodka. Err I think Gin is also like Vodka (the experience at Shaw House) Not sure about the Barcadi Lemon though.
 
The second interesting fact concerns the difference between how a cigar is smoked vs cigarettes. He told me the proper way is to puff a cigar ie holding the smoke in the mouth, not inhaling like that of cigarettes. Inhaling a cigar is very bad. He defended that cigar, due to the way its smoked is actually healthier compared to cigar. He shared the fact that cigar smokers dun go for cigarettes and vice-versa. Err I wont be trying that out to verify but its interesting to know more about cigars.
 
The last bit was that I overheard him talking about 'Guild war' which to those who understand the jargon, means online gaming where a gang or clan fights against another. They set a time and place/map. Then at the hour, all of your gang turns up. Once the parameters are set, its all out war. The objective is to annihilate the opposing team for the prize or ranking. Once your guild is powerful enough, u go around the game like a cyber bully or police and smacks anyone who misbehave. I told him that I dun play much online except for Gunbound, played mostly PS games and RPG titles. He told me the fun of online gaming is the human interaction. That the character is your ALTER-EGO. ie In work, you are nothing but a small fry, where u have no power to do anything.... got to follow orders barked at you. But once in the cyberworld, U are magically transformed to an all-powerful Warlord, with a clan of battle-streaken warriors. U bark the orders, U bully, U are power itself. Interesting perspective. Cos I dun really know any online gamers. So this revalation is interesting... I guess its a sort of escapism out of the harsh reality that we all live in. Those dreams that cant be fulfilled, might be partly accomplished through our Alter-ego in the cyberworld. A world where u can be whatever u want to be, free. Its like our lifes in reality is an empty shell to pass a few hours before shortly one descends to the Real Cyberworld. Well... to each his own poison. At this point, I still have a Japanese test in less than 24hrs and have not finished studying.... Argh... i feel like escaping to my PS World or Manga World. Hope others have studied :P
 
So far work though easy but a bit tedious is still okay. My former circus training and Bleeding days have helped considerably to make things easier. Just want more money at this point.
 
 
 
 

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Finally I managed to triumph against all odds! Using the legendary 'Socks from my smelly working shoes", the controls to the comp are wrestled from the Evil clutches of Bro and his minions aka my sisters. Hahahaa (nah not, my bro is not home, then the Comp is empty hence here I am blogging and checking emails)

Really that party at Kheldar's place is no joke. Man, the food - all dreadfully sinful were consumed with no guilt. I think that meal alone was enough to cover the junk food I eat in a month. Not to mention that I kept munching non-stop. First I downed the pizza and KFC chicken, mash and colslaw. Next wash that down with some Absolute Vanilla with Sprite. The next dish was LOTs of chips and another round of Barcadi Lemon. Dessert Part 1 was the cocktail, followed by Dessert Part II, cakes and lots of it. Mmmm especially loved the Green Tea Cheesecake from Coffeebean. Revenge of the dessert was not complete until I opened the pack of Marshmallows and started munching them. Then I tried a cup of damn strong drink. Its basically one part Sprite and 2 parts Barcadi Lemon. A toxic drink at 35% alcohol. After finishing, I immediately whipped up another even more toxic drink: On the rocks! It was basically 1 part Gin, 1 part Absolute Vanilla and 1 part Barcadi Lemon. Just 2 pieces of ice. Man was that a strong drink. After downing that with some colslaw, it was time to go home.

I was sober and still sharp of the surroundings but reaction seems to be slightly slower. Can walk straight and took bus 156 back to the terminal. On the bus though, I seem to get more drunk... The siahness came and I felt sleepy. While waiting for the last feeder bus, suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable, like wanna puke. Phew lucky I had a Halls Strong Mint, and sucked one quickly. Then the feeling just went off. By the time I got home. I got changed and just plopped unconscious on my bed and dozed until the next morning where I was awakened earlier than my waking hours by my noisy mom walking around at home and Father switching on the TV to watch Channel news asia. Though my stomach felt a bit queasy, but I was sober and mentally alert. Well, all in all its a nice break from the hectic schedule we all had. Lesson learnt though, no more 'on the rocks' for me anymore....

Sunday, July 11, 2004



How to make a yenn
Ingredients:

5 parts success

5 parts silliness

3 parts energy
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little curiosity if desired!


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com



How to make a internal bleeding
Ingredients:

5 parts pride

5 parts self-sufficiency

1 part joy
Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of caring


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com



How to make a yennhellbound
Ingredients:

1 part intelligence

3 parts humour

3 parts
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lovability


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com



How to make a monkey hellbound
Ingredients:

5 parts anger

5 parts humour

5 parts
Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Serve with a slice of caring and a pinch of salt. Yum!


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Hehehe... Just an interesting quiz i plagurise from flyingmonyet's blog. Its fun to try out all my nicks and compare it to what I was then.....Well its alot more 'relevant' given my current Uni friends are drinkers.

This weekend has been okay so far... I really think I am becoming workaholic, while I still feel very anxious abt my lack of perm or contract jobs, at least I am not rotting at home. Well frankly, if there is any way whereby I can not work, yet have a constant cash in-flows then maybe I wont want to work for money. My complaint is the lack of money. I want to get higher paying jobs... So far through my assignments, I have gained some exposure but there are 2 aspects lacking. One is the full set of responsibilities cum training AND most importantly the PAY and benefits, or the lack of it. Its enough to support me but not nearly enough for so many other things and expenses... If I have to work long hours, little rest and lack of social life, I might as well do it for a much much higher pay. Just wished lobangs will come my way for a change. Sign..

Well today really had some good but expensive food, a treat from Eric, a jap-class friend whom me and my friends helped out. Crystal Jade Kitchen and Spinelles and a ride back home and a nice long and interesting (omoshiroi) chat. Well just got to kambatte for next week's Jap exams to proceed on to level 2. One more step closer to my life-long dream of the language, going to Japan, living and breathing the air over there. Hopefully I can find what I seek... (saving up is another...)

At this point, still very unsettled... with regards to employment and income, as well as reality, dreams and expectations. Many have told me that at my age, 23, its too young... but I feel old somewhat. My bright-eyed views are tapered by the experiences I had, and still are. But I still hold stubbornly to my dreams and goals. They are the light to guide my actions for the dark uncertain times and for the future.

I wonder if self-delusion or selective perception is at work. Anyway there is only one life, I wish to live to the fullest. Yet at this point, I am not adhering to it, always holding back for another time in the future. Sometimes I wonder if its possible for me to lose control completely and be completely truthful to myself. Hmm... so far I havent really let loose, except on occassions. I guess once was when me and some good friends went to Zouk some years back, and times when I feel seriously pent up, that I would suspend judgement and thinking, and just do what immediately comes to mind. Eg: "I want to go out", okay and I'm out of the house before I know it. Basically whatever I want to do then and there (except killing the person or anything illegal) , I would do it. Think the proper term is 'fed-up'.

I used to be more of a thinker but through my Uni days and bit of work, I am becoming a doer. I plan my actions then implement according to the battle plan. Want to be an even more spontaneous person. Assertive and respected. Want to experience much more of the world out there and learn so that I will grow to be more than what I am. Still not complete as a person.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Its exactly three weeks from my last job.

In this short time,
-I was sick for one week
-Went for 3 interviews and rejected for all 3
-Went out with JC friends, Karoke, pool, dinner
-Went out with Uni friends, drinking, dinner, classes
-Twice weekly tuition and Jap class
-Johor Citysquare shopping for anime (got Shaman King)
-Finish watching Shaman King in 3 days

Well just accepted a temp assignment, hence returning to monkeying ways. This time, its really for the MONEY, even if its not much. Duration one month, will continue to search actively for work and career-building.

The fact is that I cant seem to relax much though I'm at home. Its like an unfamilar feeling, and I feel bad- cos I am suppposed to work but am still not in a proper job. Hence I was really frustrated for a while. Not depression but bitter, I guess that for some others, things seem to go fine, but not for me. Dun worry, after a while I calmed down and straightened my thinking.

I should not let work rule me. My working days have only just begun. I should try to enjoy the process and pursue what is true for me. Though I am anxious about the unknown future, feel lost somewhat, but I guess that is just one stage one has to go through.... It is really painful, no-one told me that work is hard, job search is hard. The disappointments, the ego-bashing, the pain and also the joys.

The past one year has been tough. Not say I am pessimistic. Its my genuine feeling upon looking back on what I did. I am currently reading a book: Monkey Business - Swinging thru the Wall Street Jungle, its an interesting perspective from a junior in the world of investment banking. Hilarious style of writing. I also share some of their sentiments, they being newly employed, what they saw and did. There are differences though, they being highly paid but disillusioned but me lowly paid monkeying around in Operations. An easy to read book from the library.

I am still going about on my path. I hope to be more settled in terms of work and PAY. I wont give up so easily, I might be side-tracked or distracted, but I will persist.

There is still one minor thingy up and coming, JAP EXAMS!!!! Have to find time to study.