After last Saturday, heartiest congrats to Krynnder who has rediscovered her 'newfound' freedom.

'Anata wa saru ja arimasen'

Upon recommendations, I went to I-resign.com to get ready a resignation letter, in case I need it anytime soon.
Then instead of going in straight to submit, I went to ask my Sup what is the intended tasks for me for the remaining time....

I think I chose a wrong timing cos she looked a bit irritated at me.... So basically, I helped data entry cos if i dun, then i am doing nothing, n would be asked to leave... N on a much later date, much later, then plans would be tested...mabye implemented.... Well I wondered what's wrong in asking what is my role? Cos I was left in the dark, and feeling very lost, so if my role is not much, I might as well move on right? Maybe I chose a wrong timing..or didnt ask politically correct enough. So there lies the dilemma: if I leave, i am forgetting abt all my efforts for the project, but if i dun, then i might miss out on job oppts and rest and sanity... not to mention that the new batch of graduates are coming out really soon...

Hmm my decision is to hang on a bit more, and still send out resumes, cos I dun think they care what happen to me after my 'contract' ends. Conversion is a carrot dangled but not a guarantee... Hence I still need to look out for myself. Yep it would be even better if I can get a much better perm offer and quit with face held high. If they dun appreciate, then i shall go to others who will value me. Though inside, i still very much hope to see the project to completion, and see the results.

It seems that I have been very responsible to others.... the fault is all mine, I have a responsibility to them etc but then I realized: Have I been responsible to myself? I very much am like self-torturing myself so as to fulfil my responsibility to them, but what about me? Have I been good to myself? The answer always tends towards the negative... I should try to be a bit more selfish, and put myself first for a change. Cos besides family, urself matters alot. U work for yourself, u are responsilble to urself, and so long as u can live with urself, then what others think matters little unless it is sound advise.... And what works for others dun always work for u.... U MATTER!

Today's entry is entirely devoted to my INSANE RAMBLINGS abt work on Tuesday. hence for those who are not interested, please ignore this entry. It will do u good....

...Okay just had a nice half day watching movie with Quet and Tab, when I returned to work on TUESDAY..... I was in for SUPER DEEP SHIT, man Hell would have been a nicer place to be in....

First, the data-entry from the previous day ie the half day that i took, was kept for me..... all to be comepleted before the Tue batch comes in....so i work my butttt offfffff to do lah.... not to mention that i still have a timing imposed on me.... Then while i was working myself to the grave, one collegue cannot find a file. Since I was 'dumped' with the task of filing, she asked me to look for it. Urgent... Okay if only i had like 2 of me.... but i was in the middle of a dataentry nightmare... fine, i searched for it twice for misfiled... Nope, nothing, so I told her and resume data keying.... I even had to munch some cheesestick (my lunch) while typing.... Really insane... Until around 4 plus, then i searched the entire filing cabinet and still to no avail. I went back to her, telling her still cannot find. She said that she got to redo it, and warned me to be more careful in filing as I AM WASTING HER TIME..... SHE GOT OTHER STUFF TO DO.... Okay fine if it is my fault, but i really have no idea where that CRAP doc went to..... either she passed to me, i misfiled in god-knows-where.... but still nothing after a thorough search.... or I ate it for lunch... or she didnt pass it to me.... So again this is how the blame goes, U r incharge, others didnt touch, so mistake related to ur area, U are AT FAULT. Very simple logic for blaming. And I get it most of the time.

I was soooooo discouraged by this F$&#^$ day.... I went home, fixed myself a GIN coke and updated my resumes, started sending out by quick apply. Its really no use... I really reached a point where I am ready to just throw down everything and give up. Then today I puked up my breakfast (Milo), dunno why leh, just started coughing then the next thing my milo came up.... Really dun feel good, but still went to work. Cos otherwise I might end up with one full day's work for me to do when I recover.... Thankfully nothing else happened except my appeitite. But I have a nagging suspicion that when one more staff returns, then I will be the ball to be kicked out the current unit I am in, cos no spare comps around. Then they need the temp more than they need me, so chances are either I kick elsewhere to wander or I asked to leave...? Maybe I think too much, but until middle of next mth, I am stuck, not as if i fancy that b($&#& work anyway. So I have until that period of time to get another job. So today I updated my word resume, going to send out more resumes....

Man Fridays please come..... save thy wretched soul.... I really am confused whether I am suitable for office job or working life...

For the lack of originity and not to mention the lack of Html skills for more graphics, I shall plagurise from Kheldar's personality test...

The funny thing is the the results do reflect what I am going thru now...


You have a Lost Soul. No one is really sure what
that can always mean, because it can be defined
in many ways. As Legend goes, lost souls were
the spirits of passed away people who are
neither in heaven nor hell. They walk the
earth, brooding mysteriously, always appearing
when you expect it least. So hence, if you have
a Lost Soul, then you are probably very
insecure and shy. Stuck in your own little box,
you watch the world fly by as a loner. You dont
know your place. You seemingly dont have a
place in society or an interest. You are a very
capricious person, and are confused and
frustrated about where you belong. You crave
for the sense and feeling of home-but have not
obtained it yet.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla


You are a moon shadow. With the moon as your source
you are a being of great mystery. Constantly
drifting, you descend into darkness to conceal
your brokenness. You have come to believe that
you are the only one you can rely upon for
constancy and safety that you need. But those
who know how to see you find enchanting beauty
in your wistfulness and fragility. It is to
them that you should flee, for their arms are
an open haven where your true light can finally
thrive..(please rate my quiz cuz it took me for
freaking ever to create)


What Kind of Shadow Are You? (with gorgeous pics)
brought to you by Quizilla


You are a white dragon, pure and noble, you would
help humans if they desprately need you. YOu
are kind and wise with a heart of gold.


Which Dragon resides in your soul? (cool pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Well my homework for the next few days is to brush up and update my resume with all the stuff that I learnt in this internship, then I am going to send out resumes. Oh there is still the interview conversation to master. At least that is something positive to do to get myself out of the sticky situation that I am in....

Anyway, just like waiting for my comp to be scanned online, and found 4 virus! Talk about infection big-time, wonder how the heck has my siblings been using the comp.... tell them not to open funny files.... or download silly files.... then later ask me to get it fixed up... Sign. Really the day that I can really 'relax and take things easy' is really the day I am laid to rest. Thanks Quetzal for giving me the online scan add.

Well seriously lacking in time and energy nowadays. I found that I really dun laugh much or smile, maybe more when I'm with friends or family but HUMOR seems to have left me for some winter migration. While nowadays I am using my other good friend-Medicated Plasters more often. Then other vile fiends descended to plague me, like eye bags, sore eyes, tired eyes, sore knee from walking too much, backache from carrying heavy stuff or slouching too near to comp... etc

Well just hope I can find something soon and get out. Or until I cannot take it, go and report to Sup abt the treatment that I am getting-which I'm not sure whether they would label it 'fair'. Either that or I am too soft a person.

Well congrats to Krynnder n Quetzal on their impending or in the case of the latter, already, New-found freedom. I can only watch from the sidelines for now. Another week ahead, half day tom, havent ironed my clothes yet.... *bleah!

Incidentally a fellow collegue actually asked me during lunch this fri, a lot of qns with regards to the job and my quietness in the office. She asked me whether I dread going to work (No, I only get xian when I do DE for long). Asked me whether I have low self-esteem? (No, my face is like that, I may not like myself sometimes, but not low self-esteem) Asked me whether I was bullied? or Ignored? That is why I look like suffering in office? (Try doing De with tight time limit, non-stop, and nagged at, and when fin, have nothing to do, see if u can still smile after all these. I usually have very tired
eyes everyday) Like giving me a prep talk like that, I really wonder if she was a Spy sent to test me... Well I just told her that I cannot 'lighten' up cos I grew up being the one responsible for alot of things, from young and even until now. Just look at the earlier paragraph on Comp virus etc. Well I can only say, I am neutral, if I am to do things, I will do it seriously with best efforts. If that is not good enough, forget it. I will just move on. My working life has just begun, I dun have to treat this as my first and only choice thought the pay is good, but the hrs are long for a perm. So even if they do offer, but I really highly doubt, cos I didnt make use of opports to 'build' bridges and relationships... u know what I mean. So in the unlikely event (must buy lottery if really happen) if I am offered a perm, I would have to really consider whether I want to commit myself to it, to build a career, or at least be commited to it for a period longer than 6 mths. I would have to seriously weigh the pros and cons.

Its been a while since I last undated my blog..... Sorry, after doing very intense data-entry, the last thing I want to do is to see a computer, much less, sit infront of one.

Well from my previous entry, I scored 4/5 days of nagging, nagging and some that sounded like scolding.... I really felt like giving up then cos I was really discouraged. I already tried my best, which was never good enough for SOME pple... then not much appreciation or anything. Not that I was doing work to please them anyway, but a polite 'thank you' is really lacking.... I am not a dog performing tricks for praises, but looking for something where I can contribute.... But my Sup later came and asked me to help her test some stuff.... so I dun feel so extra there and she was nice about it. So I dun want to give in to my negative feelings.... I will overcome my greatest enemy- Myself. Hope to become stronger and learn more abt myself and what I want in my job.

Anyway whenever I finish my Data entry, I just asked around for more work, otherwise will be nagged at..... so far my list of work is like tidying up and labeling a cupboard.... my second cupboard so far... so I can put in my future resume, "skilled in tidying up and classification of docs in messy cupboard", photocopying, filing, formatting excel files and printing, digging up for some samples from boxes.... blah blah... The only thing lacking is making and serving coffee. Well what the heck.... I just focus on overcoming myself, my weakness and try to be more positive abt the experience. Hopefully the project work can be successful and help the pple go home earlier? Dunno if that is too much to ask?

Well it seems that that little bit of chiller during the weekend was to brave the impending storm ahead. Man today is like just the second day of the week and I already scored 2/2 in terms of being nagged at and Today Told Very Loudly How to Do a particuticular thingy that the temp did not teach me properly.

What the F(#&$#$ How the hell am I to know their way of doing things when all that temp told me was "If cannot find certain docs then should be in filing cabinet...." And expect me to learn when the temp dun know what the f$#* is going on or dun tell me in specific terms. Man I am just trying to do my job there, sometimes I wonder what am I supposed to do there at all!!! Then whenever got mistake, then come and nag me and speak very sternly or buay song to me. What the hell did I ever do to you? Man I know I frown unconsciously and I dun smile much, but is that reason enough to treat me in this manner? Man wtf have I gotten myself into!!! Man I just finished jamming my guitar, after I am going to pump iron and pump myself flat for therapy. Man I need some channel to channel all these negative feelings and anger into. Exercise is definitely a good choice. So if u all notice that I am getting fitter, then it is becos either I am Stressed, Frustrated, Angry, Pissed, Fuming..... Alot of anger and frustration ever since I've started. Another 74 days... I really wonder if I can last that long... the only consolation is that i finished my re po to.... then going to have it crashed n burned by my Sup.... Well all I can say is that the future road seems long and hard indeed.

This is one site http://www.idealpartner.org.uk/ipbi/WhatJob.asp that tests and tells what type of employee u are. So below are my results, sorry for the lack of graphics. Well... that is but one aspect, but I hope I dun sacrifice toooooo much for this internship..... I am already starting to fear doing certain tasks, dread some stuff... I have to think positively, I should feel better, after I worked out and slept to tomorrow. Yep, I am going to exercise. But I cant wait for the week to be over. Sign.

Ki System

Natal Year number: 2
A sociable individual, Yenn is outward-looking, well-balanced and thoughtful. However, she is also pretty conservative by nature, and reluctant to adapt to changes. Unwilling to rely on others for financial or emotional support, Yenn will work harder than most to achieve her goals. Yet she is compassionate and supportive of others.

Natal Month number: 9
Although Yenn may be relied upon to start her allotted tasks, she cannot always be relied upon to complete them. This is not because Yenn is lazy, but because her active brain has alighted upon something else that she wishes to pursue. Nevertheless she has leadership potential and the ability to inspire others with her charm and humour.

Natal House number: 7
Life is likely to provide Yenn with many different challenges, but in the end she will overcome the difficulties and make solid progress. She is prone to talk about subjects on which she has little knowledge, but her communication skills are such that she can be quite persuasive. She needs to focus on her long-term objectives.

Comments based on Western Grid

111

Although Yenn is often outgoing and chatty, she can at times be quite introspective. She may not of course see herself as an entertainer, but she nevertheless has all the qualities needed for the stage. She may seem shy on interview, but put her on a platform with an audience, and you will see the benefits that she can bring to any employment that demands such skills.

2

Sensitive to criticism and naturally intuitive, Yenn has a natural ability to detect insincerity in others. Because she is a sensitive soul, Yenn can be a solid friend and a good listener. As a result, she will get on well with colleagues, whilst being more than capable of handling office politics.

4

A practical individual, Yenn is a neat and tidy craftsman who can organise others to achieve her plans. She should use those practical skills and organisational ability in an office management, or secretarial function, or by applying such skills to self-employment. In general, Yenn is a neat and tidy individual - qualities of value to many different jobs.

8

Good with details and with a methodical approach, Yenn nevertheless is someone who enjoys constant new challenges to maintain her interest. She is a methodical individual with attention to detail, but is inclined to leave tasks unfinished if her active mind alights on something of greater interest. Routine tasks that fail to challenge her intellect are at greatest risk, so Yenn needs a job that offers variety.

9

Ambitious to improve her lot, Yenn will constantly push forward to achieve something in her life, yet this ambition will be balanced by humanitarian ideals that will lead her to support causes that may demand self-sacrifice.
[The Arrow of Scepticism: lacking the numbers 3, 5 and 7] Taking little on trust, in adult life Yenn requires solid proof before she accepts a concept. Characterised by honesty and fairness, she is quite intuitive, yet firmly sceptical of the claims made, for example, by religion. This may be important at work, if employers require employee acceptance of work practices that are not immediately verifiable.

Comments based on Chinese Grid

111

Yenn enjoys a positive and balanced approach to life and will be financially successful. If the Chinese version also contains 2 sevens, Yenn is very fortunate.

2

Yenn has an average mind, and without the numbers 4 and 9 in the Chinese version will not enjoy a creative existence.

8

In the absence (in the Chinese version) of the numbers 1 and 6, she will be good with money and details. She will be happier if the Chinese grid includes the numbers 5 and 7.

99

Yenn is intelligent, and prepared to learn. Without the numbers 3, 5 and 7 in the Chinese version, Yenn is likely to use her head at the expense of her heart, which can lead her to become something of a workaholic.
[The Arrow of Suspicion: Lacking the numbers 4, 5 and 6] Yenn is a cynic who worries too much about the downside. She needs to recognise more of life's advantages.
[The Arrow of Loneliness: Lacking the numbers 3, 5 and 7] Yenn is so determined to achieve her objectives that she does so at the expense of all else, including friends, family, love and laughter.