The end of my journey in Krav Maga...

After Feb rolled in and the CNY long weekend, it was time to hunker down and go intensive for KM revision. Had less than 2 weeks to continue to revise techniques, work on mass-assailant drills, eyes-closed drills and also build up and maintain fitness and stamina. It was good for a week and just into the last week on a Monday, some idiots injured my knee.

To keep out the negativity I shall be brief and not record down everything. Basically two came in a bundle and crashed into me. My right ankle got twisted and my right knee cap got jerked strongly. My knee didn't feel normal after that. I was anxious and worried and irritated why it happened. Such accidents just end with a "sorry" but for lasting injuries like this, a sorry is little to no consolation nor mean anything. I was cursing under my breath and it irked my training partner into giving me a lecture. Long story short, tio a lot of sh8t for something done to me. Like I have no right to be worried, anxious and angered by such. I chose not to argue back cos my point about my cough was not accepted and thrown back at me. So I zipped up and finished up.

In the end, I had to get my knee checked out the following day. Had to trouble my sister's husband who had to check it and do all the massage. I feel bad cos he helped me though he is suffering from the heart-aches brought about from his heart condition. Dun want to give others trouble. But for all the trouble it took to kinda fix up both my knees, didn't want to compromise all the efforts. So this added to my irritation and being told off.

I decided not to get angry cos it wouldn't help. Also getting angry is very detrimental to my wealth luck. So I better be careful. Be grateful to the sinseh for helping me. Luckily nothing structurally compromised. I felt stiffness and some pain in some positions that should be muscle pulled. So with that, I took a photo and decided to post it on Facebook, to kinda 'proof' that it was not nothing, sorry-end-of-story incident. There are repercussions I had to bear outside of training time.

One apologised both in person and FB and later again on grading. I had long forgiven by then... and told him to smash through grading. The one who lectured me, not surprisingly kept quiet about my post, though I got a WhatsAp msg from my senior who had attended class that following night and told me that she was repeating the whole story from her perspective and kinda painting me in a very very bad light to all those who listen and like a radio, kept looping. My senior wanted to know my side of the story, so I told her, let her decide. Senior asked me to go back to training to clarify my side of the story, but I say no point cos I had intended to stop KM once grading is over, pass or fail.

So I decided that since my knee was aching and stiff, I shall rest at home until grading day itself, that Sunday. Rational being it was safer and better that way. I won't have anymore incidents and sorrys as a consolation, nor do I need to see or hear the "story" spreading about nor have to explain and clarify myself. I see it as u decide on your own.

I did about 2 days of physical training - shadow box, run through the techniques and all the 50 burpees, pushups, mountain climbers, squats and crunches. (for my grade, is do 40 but I had upped it to 50 several weeks back, just to make sure I train up more stamina) Didn't do more cos it caused more pain and stiffness so I went about my part-time work and also rested at home.
____________________

On grading day, I reached there and changed. Didn't speak to anyone especially the females. I kept to one side by myself. The guy came over to apologise again and he was glad it was not structural injury and I told him a bit pain and stiff, nevermind just smash through. Gave him a pat on the shoulder and wish him good luck to smash through his grading too. His was higher level than mine.

And just before grading officially started, I went up to that one and shook her hand and wished her the best for grading, with no malice. I just want things to go smoothly and safely.

With the exception of that sparring with that one guy who went hard, so I retaliated hard but he went harder and I can't outfight cos of fitness, power and reach all lose to a guy. So this really makes one appreciate the fact that in a real fight, have to hit the groin as hard as possible. In a clean, no-groin sparring, females are severely disadvantaged. And I mean severely, even with proper martial art training. Then it was over, except for the last bit of physical training which was a piece of cake. Though funnily it was a weird menu, 35 push-ups, 15 squats and 9 burpees and I did two full cycle within time frame of 6 minutes. Had to do it with a smile to show the tester.

Then it was over and grading ended, surprisingly under 3 hours, compared to previous ones of 4 - 5.5 hours. There has been quite a number of changes to the federation and certain things are obvious to the old-timers who have gone under the early stricter days of training and grading. It has become so much easier than before to progress in grade. Not that it is not taxing physically but the strictness and completeness of techniques are relaxed somewhat.

Like my seniors are same grade as the newer batch but it is obvious in training that the newer groups are sloppy at times and even downright noob compared to the much seasoned seniors but ironically they have the same grade patch. They seem to breeze through the more frequent grading sessions. It used to be a year or more before one comes along. Now is like every 6 months once and the newcomers seem to breeze through like nobody business yet when I look, I feel the techniques were lacking both the form and power and execution. The constant flow of newbies don't recognise that but they come and ask you your grade and judge based on that.

Not that I want to air my ego as a senior or throw my weight around as a long-timer. But the value of the grading patch has diminished a lot for me, my P1 is still the hardest-earned one and most valued cos I had to train longer than a year for it and was put through 5.5 hours of grading in an outdoor park. It was a badge of honour to smash through that though I was the only female doing it. Now things are much much different. Ask any of the true old-timers. I am not the only one who thinks so but we are getting fewer in numbers as the newer up-coming but not necessarily competent 'seniors' came up and the older ones kinda disappear. Can't imagine how it would be like in the very near future.

With the grading done, I end my journey in Krav Maga. It gave me a lot; situation awareness, alertness, fitness, training partners and later a few friends, also tested my determination to overcome physical difficulties. Yet it also has taken some physical toll on my body (left shoulder injury) and knees (worsen but now fixed until recent incident) A lot of good memories and some bad ones. Met some nice seniors and training partners, made a couple of quality friends. The rest I kinda ignore. It was a period of time in my life and will be looked on fondly at times. Now to move onto something else. I am moving on and hopefully can lead me to another start elsewhere.

Portfolio strategy / Enough of mopping around

I was kinda sulking around and procrastinating in my job search after I got the email saying that I didn't pass for the counsellor interview... so it was near my bdae then. Then I kinda stopped submitting and instead went to look at my stock portfolio more, cos though I didn't stare at the screen all day, I do check everyday.

I finally settled myself down to calculate my portfolio gains in 2015 then in 2016. To have the numbers and see if I had managed to improve from my 2014 and previous years. I had aimed to 1) increase my dividends and distributions & 2) reduce and take-loss on my losing counters. Both which I did, especially the second one to heart-pain last year. With the numbers in, I could evaluate my strategies - which counters to increase, decrease, cut-loss, monitor, how many lots to buy/sell etc. So 2015 was quite positive, thankfully. 2016 was overall big loss cos I finally cut-loss and realise again that the maxim " The first cut-loss is the smallest" is very true yet again.

But with the cut-loss, my overall red portfolio turned green in January. So without a main income, I decided to 'trade' some counters, ie do more buy-and-sell to earn some monies. It is arguable that I could have gotten more from doing buy-and-hold but "a bird in hand is better than two in the bush". So I sold off some counters for small gains that by absolute value alone, matches or exceeds my monthly part-time tuition income (think about that). Then now I get back my capital with some gains. And now on the look-out to buy back these counters at my designated price ranges.

Then there was more rise and in one of my main counter, I sold off half my lots, kept half for a good return. At least with $$ in the pocket, I have more holding power to wait for more rise. Which it did and I decide to sell off another quarter of my holdings. Left one quarter which I have a comfortable buffer in my pocket now to wait even longer for greater rise. Which it is now still rising. If I look back, I could have gotten much much more if I had hold and wait until now then sell. And this is called "seller's regret" but I remind myself that previously in 2016, there were such rises but I held on yet prices fell back. So this is a better strategy for me. At least I got a fatter pocket than the last time by actually realising the capital gain instead of waiting and refusing to sell.

With that and a round of dividends and distribution (apparently January is a dividend season), I have hit my first investment target. So far so good, hope to keep it up for the rest of the year and reap more substantial absolute gains. No more bad picks that cost me those losses. More weary after making several costly mistakes in recent years. Still hurting from those, though they didn't dent my capital but my total efficiency of the portfolio dropped cos the previous cumulative gains were dented by the significant accumulated losses. ie, my average gains per year has been lowered by a lot with these losses.

_________________________

After mopping around from the week before my bdae until now that my bdae and even CNY has passed, there was time enough for me to pick myself up and build up enough drive to move on forward again. I will do so, though the road ahead seems blurry, uncertain and scary, I remind myself "路是人走出来的" and move onward. I saw a very good phrase which applies to me a lot - "人不怕慢,只怕站; 不怕没进步, 只怕不起步."