Hmm... its been 1.5 months into an intern, and I would say that besides the nature of the job and getting up to work at 8.30am, things are all okay. Interestingly the company has very good benefits and welfare for its staff, ie perm n contract, (just in case u r wondering, nah, I am not considered one.) But then again, we as interns cum temps still got something. Well there is the buffet lunch for Christmas and CNY. Treats from sales or collegues, like Soothies etc. Lion dance, lao yu sheng, then even got red packet. From Big boss, Sup and even collegues. Pai seh, that they give me. Well at least one feel appreciated. Which is something my previous zoo should learn from. The difference is huge in terms of the morale and motivation. Super motivated people who can clock in 12hrs or more. Hopefully my job routine will 'pick up', well I am starting on my project and doing timing... Hopefully can progress beyond that. Still not much chance to interact with more perms cos I pretty cut off from the rest, cos work in a room.... Well then again, most of the time, doing work, tired, sleepy, dun feel like talking much. Have a lot of questions though my collegues seem too busy to answer them all... But sometimes cannot help but let my idle mind wander... so if any of u get funny sms from me, dun blame me, I was bored mentally or just feeling creative at that moment. :P

Well pretty bored and free now, awaiting for the jap test this late afternoon and impending shi ni masu. Just tried out some of Tab's quiz to 'spice up' this page a bit, otherwise its really lacking some pics. Moi still havent go and learn HTML... I barely have enough time to rest. Well....


Duty and Loyalty: You serve your purpose and do
what you must do. People would consider you
someone to rely on, and one who keeps his/her
word when he/she gives it.


Which Characteristic From the Samurai Code Matches You Best? (You may find out your best trait)
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You are guided by darkness. Chances are you are
depressed, or you just always see things in a
negative point of view. You sit back and take
everything in. You are the gentle giant. But
one day you will snap. (Rate my test)


What force is your soul?
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Dark magician. You love the dark because of it's
beauty and just the life that no-one else sees.
Mysterious, calm, quiet... But that doesn't
mean you're not friendly!

Please rate ^^


What kind of dark person are you?
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Your a Book. Books are very intelligent people.
People may think you are nerdy, but they are
just angry because they don't have those brains
that you got. Like a book, you contain a lot of
information, know what your saying, and are
reliable and filled with knowledge.


What random object are you? Many detailed outcomes - find out about your personality!
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Nowadays, actually ever since the prospect of having to step into the job market, I have felt very restrained. It feels like a chore, where regardless of whether I liked it or not, I WILL still have to do it. There are so many issues weighing me down, tuition bond is one that weighs very heavily on my mind. Then what I want in life. Now that I am working, my own hrs are very short indeed. N no energy to do more of my favourite things or the lack of time or money. Then there is the issue of Money, $$ is definitely an issue cos I want to earn enough to give my parents, and myself, and pay back the CPF tuition fees.... All these stay very close whenever I go to work, or try to justify or convince myself, ' why was I working so hard? For so little?' The funny thing is when u keep telling yourself, that these are the reasons, they dun sound realistic nor convincing anymore.

But I do feel very Caged and Restraint. My dissatisfaction and frustrations stemming from work and its crap have no outlet. There are no immediate solutions in sight... My freedom lies in the distant future 108 working days and counting... but I live in the Present, not the future! Days must still be lived, work must still be done, Unhappiness will still arise. But somehow I wonder, am I the only one who feels so negative? The only one who is frustrated the the point of anger and despair? Sign. Tai hen desu ne! All these strong negative emotions and stress, if not managed well, could harm a person's health and mentality.... Dun worry, I will try to manage the stress. But is it me or are other jobs not as taxing nor as stressful as what I face? Then I really work very hard, though no one appreciate, and feel 'exploited', pile more work on me. Nowadays, I leave office around 7.15pm. Not one cent extra! Yet lesser personal time for me! Do I need to even go into the exhaustion from doing work continuously? Got to supplement income by tuition, which is enjoyable but still tiring. Then I try very hard, to pursue some activities during weekends, and they are taxing also.. Sometime I feel so exhausted... that I just wanna sleep and not wake up to this life full of crap (not sucidal) but more of sleeping without a care in the world. That is simple wish of mine. Some time out for this person who is almost out of battery. Sometimes I question myself if I should have worked this hard, is it worth the pain and unhappiness and lack of satisfaction? Why try so hard? Why tie yourself into a knot? Why not relax and not fight anymore, just go with the flow. Let things happen naturally. Things might have turned out better? Sign. Frankly I dunno why I fight so hard, work so hard. I guess, I want some element of control in my life, some things that I can control. I guess I dun believe in fate, I want to control my own fate. I guess I cant stand routineness, but needs some challenge and satisfaction. I dun want to give in without a fight, if u want to take me down, U can break me, but I will still fight on until I collapse unconscious. Too exagerated but this is what I feel. Life so far, has been one of responsiblities to fulfil and daily battles that are exhausting to overcome. So for those, who read my palm and think that I have an easy life, I beg to differ! If life should end, I do not wish to have another. Just let death be an eternal slumber, so that finally I can give up fighting and rest easy forever.

Well its been 3 weeks into being Internal Bleeding... somehow I am 'losing my resistance' and slowly building a routine, although it would have helped if lesser work is being piled on me... and that I am not expected to master some new stuff in one day's time. Well another relief is that a bitch at work is gone forever, dun have to endure her irritations or crap anymore. "Freedom!" Got my pass so can go out to get water... still lacking in terms of a perm sitting place. Just recently, I puked litres of blood waiting for that bloody 396Mhz comp to stop hanging.... wasting time.. duh... The only consolation is that I may learn more abt some finance related stuff, calculations, if my sup wants to explain more to me. Got along well with the temp n contract staff though still rather quiet when I work. Well most of the time, in brain-still-sleeping mode again. Still havent build up stamina to last the whole day. Then today I had tuition on top of work, piangz, feel so tired now...zzz.. Huh? I fell asleep nowadays after bathe and dinner. Only to wake up to another day of work. In view of on-coming Jap test, if I managed to wake up in the middle of the nite, I would force myself to study n exercise.... after which the remaining hrs used for more sleep... Well still have intern project to do on top of work, so far havent started yet, cos its too diff and hazy to begin. They really are bleeding me dry if I really have to come up with some recommendations... but Kelvin didnt have to do that... sign... "Mercy on this poor exhausted soul!"