Then after the hectic time in Muar, I came out and kinda feel lost. Lost the groove of things. Felt lost and dont know where to restart from? And also there were issues weighing heavily on my mind and heart. Worries that are nagging at the back of my mind.
The only thing I kept up was the recitation of daily prayers. Everything else, I dropped and lost focus. This saying of daily prayers came about after my sis's last bout near end-May. The feeling of helplessness and also with added understanding from all the 'supernatural' stuff... the conclusion is that the only thing I can do, within my power, besides helping out physically and also managing the family's finances, is to pray. (apart from doing good deeds)
All these years, there are very few instances when I sit down and chant the Buddhist chants. A couple of times once-off for teachers and family friends who passed away. A handful over the years. I only know one chant. But during the final days of my Dad's hospitalisation in Oct, I took out the beads and chanted. After he passed, I didnt, until months later in May.
It wasnt easy to focus. I find my focus waning after a while. Or my mind wanders while my mouth is chanting. Or my eyes wander... Even when I try to refocus on certain concepts in my mind, there are times when the mind wanders off. I try to hold onto the feeling of sincerity and compassion but at times the focus wanes. Partly cos I set increasingly larger number of times to recite the prayers. I started with a few hundred which is reached quickly and increased to about two thousand times which takes a much longer duration, so the mind wanders off partly. Have gotten better at it and hope to keep this up. A way for me to try to get some inner peace from all the frustrations, irritations and issues on my plate.
Exercise-wise I have fallen off the wagon... and after the trip, I weighed myself, and am up another 2kg... Seriously hard and these few days I have bad cravings and munchies... Need to relook and try to work out a longer term weight-loss plan. There goes my slimmer self that took me 1.5 years to achieve. Now though I havent been working and technically should have more time to exercise. Not doing much cardio or anything intensive, meant no flab loss. *Sigh, have to put my back into this* Health is definitely wealth and I need to get myself into shape again, though I would acknowledge that this will not be easy nor fast...
So been partly zoned out and feeling kinda off these past 2 weeks. Felt better after I went to meet up with friends, headed out for Poke-hunting walks about the estate. Slowly I am finding my focus again. Also did a bit of exercise here and there, not regular enough. This Sat, I will jumpstart my cooking cos I have to bake the two items - Pumpkin cake and Pandan swiss roll as offering to give thanks to the deities for their help. Other than that, I have only cooked a pack of instant noodles and a fried egg for myself. Feeling rusty.
Tab had a National day bbq at her place and there were 4 girls. For once, I was kinda of glad not to have to end up being the one cooking. I almost always end up grilling if I go for bbq. Well I did help to light the grill, refill the charcoal and cut up the bell pepper and poke the sticks of beef n tomatoes n bell pepper. Also washed some of the utensils and threw the rubbish. Fair enough. But I kinda decided to remove myself from the situation that arose from really nothing... not really in the mood for any confrontation over such mild and insignificant issue. Given I already have a lot of issues on my plate from family situation. Decide to be hands-off and walked to sit at the sofa, enjoy watching TV, play with Pusheen and chat with others. Also made myself 3 generous alcoholic drinks - 2 Lemoncello with Heaven Earth Lemon tea & Green Tea with Gentleman whisky. Felt pretty relaxed after the drinks cos this bbq was just after I came out from Muar.
A few days after the bbq, I headed out to town to explore and wander a bit to clear my mind. Still feeling the loss of focus then. I passed a laundry shop and saw something. It turned out to be the chinese comic version of the book "Journey to the Underworld", not the english novel but a scripture book that supposedly the Jade Emperor of Heaven commissioned JiGong, to bring a devote mortal man in recent times, 1978, to visit the levels of Hell to record the punishment and happenings into a book, to reveal the inner works so that humans can learn and repent and not fall into the abyss of Hell. Especially so in the current age of science, there is strong loss of morals and many evils are being perpetrated (think terrorism, wars, illegal).
I had started to read up about it to try to understand the Underworld, because JiGong is inside after the Taipei trip. The version I read was translated into English in a blog. But after reading this comic version, I found the comic version was so much more comprehensive than the english translated blog version. The pictures in the comic made it much easier to comprehend and gave a more complete version compared to trying to read the Chinese text version.
The comic version book was placed at the corner of the laundry shop free for the taking, as part of the Buddhist way of putting out buddhist books for those interested to take home and read. But these books have to be treated properly. No writing on it or anyhow dirty or throw it about. They cannot be thrown away nor recycled. They should be returned to any of such buddhist books spots or to temples that takes back such books if you dont want to keep it anymore (though in recent years, fewer and fewer of such temples and spots are found in SG)
So I read through the chinese comic version and it was very comprehensive. It does explain the process when one passes away and what happens etc. Besides the main theme of the book which is to let humans know what are the sins and the severe punishments, so that humans can avoid them and be more compassionate. There are also lessons to be learnt. Things about being compassionate, having strong morals, not taking any shortcuts nor taking one's life, ways to repent etc. I feel it has given me a clearer picture of things in life. I read it twice to keep it fresh in mind. Gave me some perspective of things that are within my control. Some life lessons too.
Even for those of other religions, it is mentioned in the book. That this is not about Buddhism spreading but revealing that this "Immigration process" is the same irregardless of the religion and that Buddhism actually supports equality and tolerance of other religions, because it matters not the religion but the heart and the sum of good vs evil deeds done in one's lifespan. Knowing the evils and sins to avoid can help. Knowing how to do good also helps. Such knowledge wont hurt anyone irregardless of religions.
Pokemon hunting came about after National day. My sis downloaded on her phone and that week I borrowed her phone adn headed out for a number of walks. A walk to run errands spans several poke-stops. Then there are afternoons when I loaned her phone and headed out for Poke-walk around the estate specifically for poke-hunting. Even to the West Coast park. Had a double mc spicy with the new potato wedges. Man, Macs has good thick and solid wedges.
Last Friday, Tab, Quet and I ended up in Vivo. Nearer for me. Something to do for Tab. Pokemon for Quet. Both of them ended up catching quite a number of pokemons. The drive to my place, I held onto Quet's phone to help her refill as we drove past the pokestops and also catch any if they pop up. Near my home, 2 dratinis showed up and Tab caught one and I caught one for her. Think its a good thing that my phone cant download Pokemon Go cos of the older operating system. So I can only play if I borrow my sis's phone. I am limited to a short walk or at most an hour or two out with her phone. Hence mainly to nearby areas. Which I dont mind cos after a while, I feel the urge to play waning. After so many poke-walks, it is getting a bit tiring.
Today I went Poke-hunting walk cum errand and caught some but find it a bit weary after walking about quite a bit under the hot sun. But I had refilled the pokeballs. My last walk was 3 days ago. I had refilled enough >100 to last until today when I felt it was a bit low and decided to make another run.
The "Game of Throne" scenario is starting in Muar and I dont mean the actual show. I have to be involved to my disdain and frustration at how long it has been since the funeral and how slowly things are moving... I do feel trapped at times and stagnant. But it seems that I have to be involved, and I can only hope things can move in motion and be set right and then worry about my job later on. *Sigh*
Tab had a National day bbq at her place and there were 4 girls. For once, I was kinda of glad not to have to end up being the one cooking. I almost always end up grilling if I go for bbq. Well I did help to light the grill, refill the charcoal and cut up the bell pepper and poke the sticks of beef n tomatoes n bell pepper. Also washed some of the utensils and threw the rubbish. Fair enough. But I kinda decided to remove myself from the situation that arose from really nothing... not really in the mood for any confrontation over such mild and insignificant issue. Given I already have a lot of issues on my plate from family situation. Decide to be hands-off and walked to sit at the sofa, enjoy watching TV, play with Pusheen and chat with others. Also made myself 3 generous alcoholic drinks - 2 Lemoncello with Heaven Earth Lemon tea & Green Tea with Gentleman whisky. Felt pretty relaxed after the drinks cos this bbq was just after I came out from Muar.
A few days after the bbq, I headed out to town to explore and wander a bit to clear my mind. Still feeling the loss of focus then. I passed a laundry shop and saw something. It turned out to be the chinese comic version of the book "Journey to the Underworld", not the english novel but a scripture book that supposedly the Jade Emperor of Heaven commissioned JiGong, to bring a devote mortal man in recent times, 1978, to visit the levels of Hell to record the punishment and happenings into a book, to reveal the inner works so that humans can learn and repent and not fall into the abyss of Hell. Especially so in the current age of science, there is strong loss of morals and many evils are being perpetrated (think terrorism, wars, illegal).
I had started to read up about it to try to understand the Underworld, because JiGong is inside after the Taipei trip. The version I read was translated into English in a blog. But after reading this comic version, I found the comic version was so much more comprehensive than the english translated blog version. The pictures in the comic made it much easier to comprehend and gave a more complete version compared to trying to read the Chinese text version.
The comic version book was placed at the corner of the laundry shop free for the taking, as part of the Buddhist way of putting out buddhist books for those interested to take home and read. But these books have to be treated properly. No writing on it or anyhow dirty or throw it about. They cannot be thrown away nor recycled. They should be returned to any of such buddhist books spots or to temples that takes back such books if you dont want to keep it anymore (though in recent years, fewer and fewer of such temples and spots are found in SG)
So I read through the chinese comic version and it was very comprehensive. It does explain the process when one passes away and what happens etc. Besides the main theme of the book which is to let humans know what are the sins and the severe punishments, so that humans can avoid them and be more compassionate. There are also lessons to be learnt. Things about being compassionate, having strong morals, not taking any shortcuts nor taking one's life, ways to repent etc. I feel it has given me a clearer picture of things in life. I read it twice to keep it fresh in mind. Gave me some perspective of things that are within my control. Some life lessons too.
Even for those of other religions, it is mentioned in the book. That this is not about Buddhism spreading but revealing that this "Immigration process" is the same irregardless of the religion and that Buddhism actually supports equality and tolerance of other religions, because it matters not the religion but the heart and the sum of good vs evil deeds done in one's lifespan. Knowing the evils and sins to avoid can help. Knowing how to do good also helps. Such knowledge wont hurt anyone irregardless of religions.
Pokemon hunting came about after National day. My sis downloaded on her phone and that week I borrowed her phone adn headed out for a number of walks. A walk to run errands spans several poke-stops. Then there are afternoons when I loaned her phone and headed out for Poke-walk around the estate specifically for poke-hunting. Even to the West Coast park. Had a double mc spicy with the new potato wedges. Man, Macs has good thick and solid wedges.
Last Friday, Tab, Quet and I ended up in Vivo. Nearer for me. Something to do for Tab. Pokemon for Quet. Both of them ended up catching quite a number of pokemons. The drive to my place, I held onto Quet's phone to help her refill as we drove past the pokestops and also catch any if they pop up. Near my home, 2 dratinis showed up and Tab caught one and I caught one for her. Think its a good thing that my phone cant download Pokemon Go cos of the older operating system. So I can only play if I borrow my sis's phone. I am limited to a short walk or at most an hour or two out with her phone. Hence mainly to nearby areas. Which I dont mind cos after a while, I feel the urge to play waning. After so many poke-walks, it is getting a bit tiring.
Today I went Poke-hunting walk cum errand and caught some but find it a bit weary after walking about quite a bit under the hot sun. But I had refilled the pokeballs. My last walk was 3 days ago. I had refilled enough >100 to last until today when I felt it was a bit low and decided to make another run.
The "Game of Throne" scenario is starting in Muar and I dont mean the actual show. I have to be involved to my disdain and frustration at how long it has been since the funeral and how slowly things are moving... I do feel trapped at times and stagnant. But it seems that I have to be involved, and I can only hope things can move in motion and be set right and then worry about my job later on. *Sigh*
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