Appreciation and a new-found sense of thankfulness

I am thankful and grateful to friends who have stood by me through this very traumatic, stressful and frustrating life event.

The messages to ask how I am getting along, coming personally down to have a meal and provide a listening ear, checking on me as I kept radio-silent ( like what my sister aptly put it, you don't know if you can ever be happy or express happiness during the whole duration of the mourning), and offers of help when needed. All these helped in their ways.  Though I did get a few messages from colleagues, but those are not the same. The personal touch of friendship that can provide the emotional support to forge on ahead. It definitely helped to have a listening ear, sound and reasonable advice and opinions, acceptance and non-judgement and most importantly support.

Family was and still is a complicated double-edged affair. The few who actually helped, those who sat by with empty promises of helping, those who complicate matters through unsolicited opinions, thoughtless words, gossips, unwarranted judgement. Some just talk but can't walk the talk. Others kept referring you to another and not get involved. Some things are simple but became complicated. Some things are straight-forward but became so round-a-bout and twisted. Some simple actions became corrupted through the judgemental discussions behind our backs. Threading carefully to avoid blunders and seeking to solve the problems on the Malaysian side. Using them instead of being used. This is not exactly the Game of Throne level but makes you wonder really about family ties especially about the extended family. Not just that, at times with the immediate family too.

So this whole life event has left with a new-found sense of gratefulness and being thankful for the family, friends and health. Things easily taken for granted, lost in the pursuit of things, covered by the dust as life grinds away at work. I am left with a heart that has aged immensely. Feel like an old melancholic soul at times. Have not really sat down and slowly sort through my own things and emotions. The first time I went for KM put a smile when finally I was out of the house and doing something which I was before all these began. Hope to slowly resume other aspects and put in driving lessons. Hope the things in Malaysia can be initiated soon so that I can then focus on the job search. That is another which I have not sort through also. Of course, unless against all probability can strike lottery and live without having to worry or deal with these... Life does go on.