Partly cos I was actually cleaning up my room, wiping the tables and chairs with soap water, re-arranging the messed-up room cos all the tables and chairs were moved out of the room for floor waxing during the hols hence my things got messed up, tables & chairs got a layer of dust over them. Worst still dunno who went to un-set up the screen and visualizer so I got to plug and set up the wiring and also on my own time, (on Thur) I carried up a ladder to tie up the screen. Grr... Little wonders about the fatigue. Stupid right?
Then cos first day is so mind-numbing from the ceremony and damn long but boring hour long speech by a guest speaker, felt mentally tired. Then the second day, everything starts, including cca. After five lessons, I was seeing stars.
Finding it hard to be inspiring or excited about the boring context. A slew of bored and tired faces look back at me. Nothing inspirational or original ideas struck me to make it more interesting. Sat thru a long meeting, looking thru those events, roll my eyes at a couple of it. Finally found some time within the week to check through the holiday homework and for 2days, I didn't even have the chance to go out n but lunch.
I reached home really mentally-zombified, and fell asleep before or after dinner, only to wake up later around 10pm and couldn't sleep after. Had to make myself a cocktail, down it in a gulp and then knock-out. Nope, didn't overslept. In fact I even woke before the alarm cos the alcohol makes me either thirsty or need to pee. Those woke me up. In this week alone, I drank on 4 weekdays. That's a sign of something... A good outcome is I am mixing different mixers with the Chivas to finish it off. So far, I've found with either Bitter Lemon or Dry Ginger Ale is good. Got more to go.
I checked with a couple of female colleagues and they remarked that they felt really tired, though its just the first week. One shared that she is not particularly motivated, from a myriad of reasons and contributing factors. I asked myself if it is a sign that my time is ending. I did ask myself how long more of it could I endure? Work is getting kinda painful. But I was reminded of how childish I was being by my sister, who said "How many of us really like to work?" I reminded myself of those who had to work much longer hours and harder for a much lower pay, just to bring the bread home. So just gonna suck it in and give it a try again. Take it one day at a time, one week at a time. Dun think so childishly.
Today my mom did a prayer session at home, my usual prayer when I hold the joss sticks, bless my parents n siblings n me with good health n peace of mind. Me I asked for blessings in wealth, esp with the demotivated self n investment loss. Dun mind any $$$ that can fall my way, without having to do a sideline.
On the other hand, in a sort of way, I was kinda happy to skip KM cos of a slightly sore right elbow. Decided to play it safe and let it rest. In the meantime, I put on plasters, muscle cream. It's not severe enough to go to the doctors that type. It felt strained do since I didn't want it to become a permanent injury, I rested and kept and eye on it. It's much better. I am now thinking about how to work KM into my work schedule. Maybe next week, Thur, I'll go for a double, that's all. I can't imagine doing twice or thrice in my current state of mental fatigue n unmotivated self. Maybe go in for a double this Thursday.
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