Given my last day is last wednesday, its been slightly longer than a week into being an 'unemployment statistic'...
Hmm also given that I fell ill on Friday, tomorrow would be one week into my illness...
Well? Not doing much currently, just hibernating at home until I am 'forced' to step out of the house by necessities - food, drinks, pay bills, buy comics, Jap lessons and some interviews. Yes. Its been only 1 week and I had 2 interviews already, 3 if u count the job agency. Well I screwed up the first one really bad (refer to earlier entry) and today's one was actually okay. Well at least my answers are more structured compared to the first one. The location is at Tuas, at another industrial estate. Dunno if I would get thru to second round but at least I walked out of the interview feeling a bit satisfied with some of my answers.... Still not very polished at this stage. At least I didnt feel that it was a waste of time.
Why am I out looking for job when I am still so-newly unemployed? Well cos my parents have started nagging at me, then the calls start coming... Now is the hiring period, I guess. I am still confused abt certain job-related issues but have to try to attend these interviews to practice and re-examine what I really want. The TRUTH? (Highest Amt of Money for the Least Amt of Work) but its only a dream at this point.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Monday, June 21, 2004
Hey, sorry I was off-line for a while... been busy and ill for the last few days. Still ill at this point.
Actually I really wanted to put down how I felt after 6 mths... on the actual last day but when I came home after the nite out, I was too tired to do so.
Basically I really felt lost and immensely frustrated the day before, cos it seems for naught. I know I wanted to do something else and that the pay was too low to continue for long. I knew I justified my reasons for staying on until the end, and really couldnt wait to move on. Yet when it finally came down to the remaining few days, I really had mixed feelings. There are the good and bad pple, experiences and work. I will miss the good part and strive to forget the negative aspect, but deep down, I was still glad it was over. I am really mentally, emotionally and physically tired. I really wondered what have I learnt in this, about myself and the work that I did. I was a bit upset then and my Sup had a long chat with me. She was nice enough to listen and highlighted some perspective to look at the entire experience. I was grateful for the input cos I was too lost to see beyond the veil of darkness that covered my eyes. Again I realised too late that my Sup is a okay person. I will strive to move on, learn and change with every experience, be it good or bad.
The last day was interesting cos my Sup actually asked me to play my guitar after lunch. I had asked her for permission to bring the guitar. But my voice is a bit soft and most didnt sing along as they dun know the songs. Well my skills abit rusty also. After that met up with Uni friends at the Esplanade. The view of the setting sun is very peaceful to watch. Then later we went drinking at Wisma. I really appreciate friends for coming down to celebrate with me, inspite of their work or leisure.
The next day, my JC friends jio me to go the KTV in Clementi to sing karaoke. Okay except that I had to go down to some job agency interview in afternoon and by time I got home, I had a quick shower and off I went to the karaoke. It lasted for 4 hrs. My throat was hurting. We did sing ourselves hoarse, with power songs like 'its my life' or high pitch songs 'one nite in beijing'. For most chinese songs, I only sang verses, cos I only heard that part before. Again my genuine thanks to friends for this invitation.
Then on Friday, had an interview which i screwed up big time cos first I got lost in the industrial estate and was led on a wild goose chase. Then I didnt have much time to prepare for interview. I was not mentally prepared to even take on a job in my current condition. Didnt structure my answers to the position nor what they wanted to hear. And I told them what I REALLY wanted to do for my career. I guess I wouldnt be chosen. On top of that my voice was really hoarse, from the previous nite's karaoke. The place was far from my home too. So after the interview which I felt was really a waste of time, I had to travel home to fetch my Jap notes for jap classes. I was already not feeling so good. Tired, coughing, sore throat. But Jap was okay. Fun with all the Q&A with Krynnder. Q 'Who is the most beautiful person in the world?' A 'Me'
Talk about a boost of the ego. But that nite I fell really ill.
Saturday, a day of nuahing around and feeling ill.
Sunday, still nuahing around and still ill.
Monday, I swear I will dam my nose to avoid flooding my home in my mucus. Still ill.
Dunno abt going anywhere for now. Just want to rest, relax and pick myself up. If I can, I really dun wanna work. Retire young. That is my biggest dream.
Pple often confidentally ASSUME that I will be successful somehow but I really have no clue how to be successful. In fact I find that in some areas like communication and people skills, I am not successful at all. I am socially inept. Sign. That will be something to work on. As to striking it rich, to be realistic, I still need to work for a decent pay to accumulate the capital.... What later moves depends until then.
Actually I really wanted to put down how I felt after 6 mths... on the actual last day but when I came home after the nite out, I was too tired to do so.
Basically I really felt lost and immensely frustrated the day before, cos it seems for naught. I know I wanted to do something else and that the pay was too low to continue for long. I knew I justified my reasons for staying on until the end, and really couldnt wait to move on. Yet when it finally came down to the remaining few days, I really had mixed feelings. There are the good and bad pple, experiences and work. I will miss the good part and strive to forget the negative aspect, but deep down, I was still glad it was over. I am really mentally, emotionally and physically tired. I really wondered what have I learnt in this, about myself and the work that I did. I was a bit upset then and my Sup had a long chat with me. She was nice enough to listen and highlighted some perspective to look at the entire experience. I was grateful for the input cos I was too lost to see beyond the veil of darkness that covered my eyes. Again I realised too late that my Sup is a okay person. I will strive to move on, learn and change with every experience, be it good or bad.
The last day was interesting cos my Sup actually asked me to play my guitar after lunch. I had asked her for permission to bring the guitar. But my voice is a bit soft and most didnt sing along as they dun know the songs. Well my skills abit rusty also. After that met up with Uni friends at the Esplanade. The view of the setting sun is very peaceful to watch. Then later we went drinking at Wisma. I really appreciate friends for coming down to celebrate with me, inspite of their work or leisure.
The next day, my JC friends jio me to go the KTV in Clementi to sing karaoke. Okay except that I had to go down to some job agency interview in afternoon and by time I got home, I had a quick shower and off I went to the karaoke. It lasted for 4 hrs. My throat was hurting. We did sing ourselves hoarse, with power songs like 'its my life' or high pitch songs 'one nite in beijing'. For most chinese songs, I only sang verses, cos I only heard that part before. Again my genuine thanks to friends for this invitation.
Then on Friday, had an interview which i screwed up big time cos first I got lost in the industrial estate and was led on a wild goose chase. Then I didnt have much time to prepare for interview. I was not mentally prepared to even take on a job in my current condition. Didnt structure my answers to the position nor what they wanted to hear. And I told them what I REALLY wanted to do for my career. I guess I wouldnt be chosen. On top of that my voice was really hoarse, from the previous nite's karaoke. The place was far from my home too. So after the interview which I felt was really a waste of time, I had to travel home to fetch my Jap notes for jap classes. I was already not feeling so good. Tired, coughing, sore throat. But Jap was okay. Fun with all the Q&A with Krynnder. Q 'Who is the most beautiful person in the world?' A 'Me'
Talk about a boost of the ego. But that nite I fell really ill.
Saturday, a day of nuahing around and feeling ill.
Sunday, still nuahing around and still ill.
Monday, I swear I will dam my nose to avoid flooding my home in my mucus. Still ill.
Dunno abt going anywhere for now. Just want to rest, relax and pick myself up. If I can, I really dun wanna work. Retire young. That is my biggest dream.
Pple often confidentally ASSUME that I will be successful somehow but I really have no clue how to be successful. In fact I find that in some areas like communication and people skills, I am not successful at all. I am socially inept. Sign. That will be something to work on. As to striking it rich, to be realistic, I still need to work for a decent pay to accumulate the capital.... What later moves depends until then.
Monday, June 14, 2004
....Finally the liberating day of freedom that has eluded this poor, sleep-starved, foul creature that was formerly called Hellbound, is at the door-steps. In another measley two days to eternal salvation.. The pitiful creature formerly known as Internal Bleeding shall EXIST no more. In its place is just plain, old Yenn....
..The Yenn that will be heading down to town and enjoying coffee in the cafe while the office crowd whizzes by; the Yenn that will be happily strumming her guitar and singing her unemployement song at the Esplanard on a sunny and windy afternoon, while the rest toiled in sub-artic temperatures; the Yenn that live in the alternate reality of games, manga and animation; the Yenn that could sleep until the cows come home....
Before long though, its going to be back to the Rat-race, or I would call it 'bond-serving time' cum peanut hunting time. But this time, I just want to get a banana, cos I am damn SICK of peanuts. Notice how HARD peanuts are to get, how DIFFICULT earning the peanuts are, eating too much can result in INDIGESTION, and on top of that note how LARGE a banana is compared to a measley peanut. Get the picture?
..The Yenn that will be heading down to town and enjoying coffee in the cafe while the office crowd whizzes by; the Yenn that will be happily strumming her guitar and singing her unemployement song at the Esplanard on a sunny and windy afternoon, while the rest toiled in sub-artic temperatures; the Yenn that live in the alternate reality of games, manga and animation; the Yenn that could sleep until the cows come home....
Before long though, its going to be back to the Rat-race, or I would call it 'bond-serving time' cum peanut hunting time. But this time, I just want to get a banana, cos I am damn SICK of peanuts. Notice how HARD peanuts are to get, how DIFFICULT earning the peanuts are, eating too much can result in INDIGESTION, and on top of that note how LARGE a banana is compared to a measley peanut. Get the picture?
Monday, June 07, 2004
I wanna play an electric Guitar too
Just on sunday, I went down to the Streetfest at a stage near to Hereen. The theme was Japan including Cosplay, J-pop, J-rock and gothic. Errhem... Kheldar was the one who jio me there, in fact she arranged a time like one week in advance. Yet again, due to her Dory-like scheduling (she got a Dory comb too...) she forgot about it and went instead to catch Dragonfly.... Zhong(4)Se(4)Qing(1)You(3) In the end... as a good and caring friend who does not wanna see her spend her life lonely with only a cat and a dog, I went down. (One more strike to the Jackpot)
Anyway met up with a JC friend, who is also working in the same Company as me, but she is faring way much better.... Well the band performance started by the time we got there, and there were alot of gothic/j-rock cosplayers. Some of the gals are super-sexy and pretty. Well you do see not-so-good ones but hey they are brave enough to go around under the hot sun dressed in laces and all. So thumbs up for them. Not many cosplaying guys but saw one particularly good one. Not that he is handsome or what. Its just that it really seems believable that he came out of a gothic comic. He had a scarf tied round his neck, covering his face, spikey hair and wore this cool blue and black long sleeve tight outfit. Cool! But not handsome.
The music was good, especially one band, err I think their name starts with 'E' something. They did mostly Dir En Grey numbers, and for those songs I knew, the band was right on. The music was almost exact. I also liked their Chinese compositions, along the music style of J-rock. Man I love the little melodies inside the songs played on the second guitar. The band members are more seasoned and the lead singer is good vocally. Strong vocals. I was trying to catch some guitar playing by observing the guitarist. I also wanna play those J-ROCK songs. I appreciate J-rock not only for the visual element (cosplaying and sometimes ultra-cool outfit and makeup) but much more for the music. THEY are differenent from western rock but the melodies and tunes are really GOOD, esp the guitars and bass. Very strong mix. Very angry, hyper, melanchody or sad. Even inspiring at times. For those keen for a taste. I recommend:
Dir En Grey - Garden (very rockish song)
Lar en ciel - Blurry Eyes (inspiring and uplifting)
Gackt - Seki Ray (ultra dramatic and difficult to sing)
Gackt - Last Song (very unique way of doing his voice, motivating)
These are my all time favourites. Listen almost everyday. Different moods and styles. A bit niche, but hey as long as its nice.
Just on sunday, I went down to the Streetfest at a stage near to Hereen. The theme was Japan including Cosplay, J-pop, J-rock and gothic. Errhem... Kheldar was the one who jio me there, in fact she arranged a time like one week in advance. Yet again, due to her Dory-like scheduling (she got a Dory comb too...) she forgot about it and went instead to catch Dragonfly.... Zhong(4)Se(4)Qing(1)You(3) In the end... as a good and caring friend who does not wanna see her spend her life lonely with only a cat and a dog, I went down. (One more strike to the Jackpot)
Anyway met up with a JC friend, who is also working in the same Company as me, but she is faring way much better.... Well the band performance started by the time we got there, and there were alot of gothic/j-rock cosplayers. Some of the gals are super-sexy and pretty. Well you do see not-so-good ones but hey they are brave enough to go around under the hot sun dressed in laces and all. So thumbs up for them. Not many cosplaying guys but saw one particularly good one. Not that he is handsome or what. Its just that it really seems believable that he came out of a gothic comic. He had a scarf tied round his neck, covering his face, spikey hair and wore this cool blue and black long sleeve tight outfit. Cool! But not handsome.
The music was good, especially one band, err I think their name starts with 'E' something. They did mostly Dir En Grey numbers, and for those songs I knew, the band was right on. The music was almost exact. I also liked their Chinese compositions, along the music style of J-rock. Man I love the little melodies inside the songs played on the second guitar. The band members are more seasoned and the lead singer is good vocally. Strong vocals. I was trying to catch some guitar playing by observing the guitarist. I also wanna play those J-ROCK songs. I appreciate J-rock not only for the visual element (cosplaying and sometimes ultra-cool outfit and makeup) but much more for the music. THEY are differenent from western rock but the melodies and tunes are really GOOD, esp the guitars and bass. Very strong mix. Very angry, hyper, melanchody or sad. Even inspiring at times. For those keen for a taste. I recommend:
Dir En Grey - Garden (very rockish song)
Lar en ciel - Blurry Eyes (inspiring and uplifting)
Gackt - Seki Ray (ultra dramatic and difficult to sing)
Gackt - Last Song (very unique way of doing his voice, motivating)
These are my all time favourites. Listen almost everyday. Different moods and styles. A bit niche, but hey as long as its nice.
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Well here I am, still awake at the ungodly time of 1.12am blogging away, on a Saturday nite.. well make that a Sunday morning. Its almost routine. Cos I wanna stretch my weekends and not let them pass too soon.
I too, have a surreal feeling - cannot believe that I won my own 'Survivor' challenge. My prize is not a million dollars (I wish), its an electric guitar I promised myself. First I have to 'boah' around a bit first for a good offer. There is the Spore Sale going around n I might want to stock up on some office wear, maybe lenses, shoes so it kinda clashes with my guitar prize cum peanut reserve. So boh bian, have to prioritise my purchases.
My jeans and office pants are a bit loose, esp the waistline. Cos I've lost some weight. The funny thing is that I gain the weight back after the weekends thru eating alot and nuahing at home, only to loose them over the weekdays when I work. I dun mind the loss though, only if want to lose, might as well go all the way to my ideal weight, which is like another few more kilos :) See if I can stay slimer and healthier. Will resolve to exercise 3 times a week continuously, and not start-stop-start-stop regime that I am currently doing.
In Office, there are more temps n interns coming in. For some of them, just after their first day of work they xian already. Then I would say to them "hey pal, look at me, I've been here almost 6 mths loh... U not qualified to say that u r bored.." :P
Then some ask when would I be leaving. I told them less than two weeks, and the immediate reaction was "Huh, so fast. So good..." Again, my reply "Fast meh? hey I've been here almost 6 mths already...." :O The younger generation are more fun to hang around with, not to mention that a few of us sit at the DE area. So started chatting, sharing experiences and jokes. Makes tough work bearable and the hours seem to pass alot faster. Another 8 more working days to go. So nowadays I try to prod myself to actively send out resumes but just too fatigued to do so. Still got lots of catching up to do for sleep, some self-study, PSII gaming, Gun-bound gaming.
Tom going for a Cosplay cum band performance. Hope the music will be good, costumes too. Yep that's all for now.
I too, have a surreal feeling - cannot believe that I won my own 'Survivor' challenge. My prize is not a million dollars (I wish), its an electric guitar I promised myself. First I have to 'boah' around a bit first for a good offer. There is the Spore Sale going around n I might want to stock up on some office wear, maybe lenses, shoes so it kinda clashes with my guitar prize cum peanut reserve. So boh bian, have to prioritise my purchases.
My jeans and office pants are a bit loose, esp the waistline. Cos I've lost some weight. The funny thing is that I gain the weight back after the weekends thru eating alot and nuahing at home, only to loose them over the weekdays when I work. I dun mind the loss though, only if want to lose, might as well go all the way to my ideal weight, which is like another few more kilos :) See if I can stay slimer and healthier. Will resolve to exercise 3 times a week continuously, and not start-stop-start-stop regime that I am currently doing.
In Office, there are more temps n interns coming in. For some of them, just after their first day of work they xian already. Then I would say to them "hey pal, look at me, I've been here almost 6 mths loh... U not qualified to say that u r bored.." :P
Then some ask when would I be leaving. I told them less than two weeks, and the immediate reaction was "Huh, so fast. So good..." Again, my reply "Fast meh? hey I've been here almost 6 mths already...." :O The younger generation are more fun to hang around with, not to mention that a few of us sit at the DE area. So started chatting, sharing experiences and jokes. Makes tough work bearable and the hours seem to pass alot faster. Another 8 more working days to go. So nowadays I try to prod myself to actively send out resumes but just too fatigued to do so. Still got lots of catching up to do for sleep, some self-study, PSII gaming, Gun-bound gaming.
Tom going for a Cosplay cum band performance. Hope the music will be good, costumes too. Yep that's all for now.
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Farewell Lunch with Current Unit? My Lessons
On tuesday, my collegues in the Current Unit A all asked me for lunch, something like a Unit Lunch, I guess to show their appreciation and bid farewell. Well on the whole it feels kinda 'funny', cos though I am closer to them compared to others who dun care hoot. They are kind and very nice to me. Though really i dun talk much with them, only when I ask questions relating to the work I had to do. So I feel ackward. I guess I am trying too hard to try to start a conversation. Well lunch was Japanese style, and I talked much more- abt one week's worth of conversation. Somehow I will miss them, cos they were the only ones who were nice and decent to me. At least they cared when I fell ill. Well I can only blame myself for not using the time I had to know them better. And not to use this internship opportunity to secure a perm job at the dept. But I guess I was too easily caught up in the work, bad experiences with some collegues and my own internal struggle - feeling lost and stagnating, to be able to look beyond what I already had. I guess I HAVE to learn to deal with this in my next job. In my remaining days, I shall try to live up to this.
I am not ANTI-SOCIAL or whatever, its just that I can do without communication. I am very NEUTRAl to pple, basically u can do your own thing, and I am fine with that, I respect your individuality. I try to avoid pre-judging based on appearances. Until u come and do something to me: If u got friendly, my impression then change positively but if hostility is shown, u lose my respect. Usually I dun retaliate, cos its pointless. But on occasions, I have to learn to be ASSERTIVE.
I am not good at starting conversations if I cant find a common topic. I just have a quiet side. I am trying to catch the conversation and join in if I can. If not, I will listen to learn something. I am not those who like to insist on their point of view, or exert their influence on everything. THIS is really one of my GREATEST WEAKNESS as a person. Maybe I should try much harder.
Also sometimes I lose sight of what is impt cos I am too caught up in my own internal struggles. It is good sometimes not to think anymore and just act. Cos if u think too much, u overplay your fears and become immoblised by over-exaggerated and unrealistic fears. We all fall into this trap sometimes.
My sense of the future/next job?
My Sup asked me twice on what type of job I am looking for. But there is still no indication of any offers. I dunno if its just a casual question or a 'test'. Well on both times she asked very suddenly, and I didnt give very clear answers, cos I am very confused myself. In reality, I dun really know what I want. Even if I have a very rough idea, the job may not be so forthcoming. But at least, after the internship, I have a better sense of myself, though I didnt put it thru very clearly to my Sup. I dunno how cos they are very rough ideas.
I know I want to take up some courses though they take years to complete and alot of $
I know I want to do some self study to upgrade my skills.
I know I need a job with decent pay and benefits.
I know I want either a contract job or perm.
I know if I can, I want to go into the field of finance.
I am having a very hard time thinking of my answers. Its like a plan for the next 2-3 years. Maybe I shouldnt rush things but I fear the lack of focus will set me on another roundabout hunt for a job that wouldnt manifest into anything tangible in terms of pay and experience.
On tuesday, my collegues in the Current Unit A all asked me for lunch, something like a Unit Lunch, I guess to show their appreciation and bid farewell. Well on the whole it feels kinda 'funny', cos though I am closer to them compared to others who dun care hoot. They are kind and very nice to me. Though really i dun talk much with them, only when I ask questions relating to the work I had to do. So I feel ackward. I guess I am trying too hard to try to start a conversation. Well lunch was Japanese style, and I talked much more- abt one week's worth of conversation. Somehow I will miss them, cos they were the only ones who were nice and decent to me. At least they cared when I fell ill. Well I can only blame myself for not using the time I had to know them better. And not to use this internship opportunity to secure a perm job at the dept. But I guess I was too easily caught up in the work, bad experiences with some collegues and my own internal struggle - feeling lost and stagnating, to be able to look beyond what I already had. I guess I HAVE to learn to deal with this in my next job. In my remaining days, I shall try to live up to this.
I am not ANTI-SOCIAL or whatever, its just that I can do without communication. I am very NEUTRAl to pple, basically u can do your own thing, and I am fine with that, I respect your individuality. I try to avoid pre-judging based on appearances. Until u come and do something to me: If u got friendly, my impression then change positively but if hostility is shown, u lose my respect. Usually I dun retaliate, cos its pointless. But on occasions, I have to learn to be ASSERTIVE.
I am not good at starting conversations if I cant find a common topic. I just have a quiet side. I am trying to catch the conversation and join in if I can. If not, I will listen to learn something. I am not those who like to insist on their point of view, or exert their influence on everything. THIS is really one of my GREATEST WEAKNESS as a person. Maybe I should try much harder.
Also sometimes I lose sight of what is impt cos I am too caught up in my own internal struggles. It is good sometimes not to think anymore and just act. Cos if u think too much, u overplay your fears and become immoblised by over-exaggerated and unrealistic fears. We all fall into this trap sometimes.
My sense of the future/next job?
My Sup asked me twice on what type of job I am looking for. But there is still no indication of any offers. I dunno if its just a casual question or a 'test'. Well on both times she asked very suddenly, and I didnt give very clear answers, cos I am very confused myself. In reality, I dun really know what I want. Even if I have a very rough idea, the job may not be so forthcoming. But at least, after the internship, I have a better sense of myself, though I didnt put it thru very clearly to my Sup. I dunno how cos they are very rough ideas.
I know I want to take up some courses though they take years to complete and alot of $
I know I want to do some self study to upgrade my skills.
I know I need a job with decent pay and benefits.
I know I want either a contract job or perm.
I know if I can, I want to go into the field of finance.
I am having a very hard time thinking of my answers. Its like a plan for the next 2-3 years. Maybe I shouldnt rush things but I fear the lack of focus will set me on another roundabout hunt for a job that wouldnt manifest into anything tangible in terms of pay and experience.
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