A long...............week that never seems to end....

Hey sorry for not blogging as regularly as I liked, but cos both my sisters are using the comp intensively for projects and gaming, hence I am unlikely to be able to touch the comp until a late time like now. Currently I am the only one still awake, hence I quickly blog.

My long week started from last wednesday. I am supposed to take over the class of a collegue until this friday. Minus the good friday, it means 6 days of teaching, not reliefing. The difference between teaching and reliefing is obvious but lemme explain for the benefit of all. When you go into a class for relief, u can just use time-killing activities to fill up the time. When the day ends, u walk out. No homework, no marking. Whereas when u go into for lessons, especially a full-day lesson. Numerous tasks are waiting to be done. First take attendance, then check who didnt hand up homework. Begin lesson intended for the day, monitor understanding, gotta make things interesting, and attend to numerous going-to-toilet calls, "teacher, he touch/hit/shit whatever me" complaints.... Gotta give them some activity time after explaining so that can monitor as well as give them a break, control noise levels..... I think you get the picture.

Well. So far behaviour-wise I am having a bit of time with a couple of boys. If I have it my way, I would have fed them unremorsefully to the crocodile pits we visited on Tue excursion OR flush them down the toilet bowl esp for one particular one. I have to pull his collar, shake a bit and raise my voice infront of the class to reprimand him today, cos he used some chain to hit his classmate. Also didnt do his work well.... I was warned abt him by the collegue. Great, except I was quite ill this few days from monday. It has been getting worse and the class is not helping much esp with this crap.

So from wed until today, I have taught besides Eng and Maths, PE, Music, SS, brought them to comp labs, Art and a full-day excursion to 3 places plus a lesson on borrowing money habitually. *faint* In this short time frame, I have marked 1 spelling, 1 mths worksheet, 2 english wb activity, 1 art. On monday, I had this strong deja vu feeling. In my mind, it was friday but in reality it was Monday only. So I had this funny feeling that my body was teleported from friday to a monday. Damn shack. My ex-mentor says that its becos I am unwell. So the day feels very very long.

Today almost buckled over from feeling sooooo very ill. At first I was alright when I woke up. For the past few days, I have been going home as early as I can to rest. (but i stayed until around 3-4 daily to mark) and concus on bed for the entire day. So I feel better at night. But when I wake up for work. I wake up with a bad cough, blocked nose and it gets much worse into the day. Especially after lessons. Not really during but after. Tomorrow might be an mc cos I really wanted to just throw in the towel. My health is just as impt as the kids yah. If i dun rest, later spoil my body, who pays? (yep so what Tab drew on her blog is true. I do envy full-time tuition sometimes)

On the whole, this is a good exposure to the full load of a teacher. But frankly speaking, I dun want to experience it so early. Basically its 'sai keng' (clean shit) But for the kids, oh well. I have already tried my best. So if tomorrow I cannot make it, i tried. I think the whole staff room know that I am ill, cos i was coughing quite badly and look shack and pale. Damn weather. One moment hot, the next moment cold. See how I feel tomorrow when i wake up, if still like shit, then its time for mc. (the other 2 contract have more mc than me. I have 3 mc for Jan cos very sick then. Its almost April. Even some perms have more mc than me.)

Time flies when U are having a Holiday

and soon the holidays, however long comes to an end. Tomorrow marks the start of another 10 intense weeks of work. THEN it will be BYE BYE and off I go towards nie, i think... Until then I still have to survive out 10 weeks of being a Jack-of-all-Trades and role play my numerous roles.

Events up for this week, 5 days of taking a P2 class, using the pilot method of teaching. Then have to take them for remedial for next monday. Cca might be moved to monday.... still pending and not finalized. Just great.... if i have remedial, then cca, then by tuition, I can just die. Yep and that is happening next monday... (sign) Hmm I am supposed to accompany one class for an excursion trip that was postponed to this term. Dunno when though. Another round of assembly duties, road-crossing duties and recess duties. AND u think that Educators only do admin work.

Hmm anything worth mentioning about my short-lived holidays....

Went to the creative sale and was initially tempted to buy a Zen mp3 player. But after trying out the interface, the sound, the fm radio. Me and my sister both agreed that the key pad is too sensitive. We tried out all of the mp3 players and found only 3 that fitted our needs and demands. However the price tag of $279 and $499 were too much to bear. Not to mention the extremely long queue of people queueing up to pay deterred us from even buying. There were easily 500 plus people... Well in the end, we decided that it was a want, not a necessity so we went home. Incidentally we went down at 8am and was surprised to see over 100 people waiting in line for the star buys. We went to eat breakfast and jalan around. When we went back round 12pm, we were surprised to see another 100 plus people waiting for tomorrow's star buy... Okay I am not as kiasu as them. I value my time more now that I am working. I rather pay a bit more.

Initially I wanted to go back to NUS to go Y-Nan Ren hunting. The mission, to capture his handsome face with a camera and sell the photo to my sister for a fortune. (evil laughter) The rough plan was to first get my hands on a digital camera with an extremely powerful zoom, ie Tab's brother's 12x zoom. But he needed it so no equipment. Okay Plan B, to go down to NUS to bio him instead. Fine except when it came down to that time, I was too glued playing my PS One game and feeling kinda stone from the late nights and long hours... that i decided to procrastinate until another Y-Nan Ren day and predicatably the same thing happens. Or that bioing him does not rank very highly compared to my sleep, my game. Hence in the end, I didnt see him at all. My sister is heart-broken cos he is going on exchange program (damn u rich people.... can have car, have looks, have beautiful gf and go on exchange) I wanted to tell her to follow him to a foreign country, nothing to lose except at least $5-8K poorer. I havent told her yet but I dun think she would do so. We are not as rich as SOME PEOPLE..... We dun want to be a drain to parents.

Hmm anything else, nothing I gamed and gamed. Played PS and this weiqi game that I bought for my sister's birthday. The only thing though, we were each trashed thoroughly through. But it came a bit too late for I bought it only on Friday and installed on Sat. Maybe I will do more intense practice during the June holidays.

Well now eagerly and anxiously awaiting the arrival of GTT (Great Teacher Tan) who is now praying to whatever deities to pray to pass the interview. Hope she gets it. Then can have a friend studying together and stuff. I strongly advise a visit to the GuanYing Temple at Bugis area and qiu qian. Cos its kinda 'lin'. Maybe I should go to pray for a better term ahead. Not anymore of the crap I had last term.

Drugery of Life.........

Its a sad title to an issue that has been stuck deep in my heart for some time. Though try as I might to live out each day as it is, something is stirring deep within. A feeling, an odd one which tells me something is wrong. That this is not way I had intended to live out the rest of my days. But yet I know not how else to live it.

Maybe an appropriate name would be 'Quarter-life crisis', a term coined to describe youths who are in their early twenties, who have just graduated and worked for a few years. It seems that I am a likely sufferer of this.

An education system which encouraged diversity and daring-to-dream churns out cogs of different shapes and sizes, sadly yet they are individually hammered into place, to keep the mega machines working seamlessly. Wherein lies our individuality? Are we to turn a blind eye to what each cog stands for, or forgo that to maintain the order? A superficial order built upon shattered dreams and broken cogs...

Paths that once diverged out endlessly like maendering steams now converge as time seeps by. Dreams that once fuelled ambition now are kept preciously deep within the heart. They are not forgotten sadly, though a better fate. Fated to be taken out and dusted whenever thy heart pains too much...

Reality and Dreams cannot co-exist, how many of us are really what we set out to be? It is an epic struggle that rages within. When dreams and ideals are shelved into the laden heart, what else does this existence entails? Nothing... but an empty shell of the individual who used to reside within.

When I looked into my heart for my dreams, I am greatly saddened... For all that I have high hopes are shattered, ideals and dreams. Hope seems bleak. Reality did not conform to my dreams and expectations. Sadder still, I know not how else to be. There are any paths it seems yet not one is for me. I trudged on hoping to make progress in life, yet I dare not dream of the future anymore. For now I know, that dreams comes with both a price and a time span. The price counted in hours and minutes, and a validity that fades with passing time.

Just as time passes by so easily, hence more dreams reached their validity and the price pulls higher.

HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally..... after suffering soooooo long under students and a very intensive two solid weeks plus 2 saturdays of 7-5.30 work, the holidays have arrived. Am burnt out cos educators cannot take any leave during the term. So unlike private where just taking a friday or monday off, one can get a super long holiday, we cant. Our time comes when the school holidays are here. So I think it is fair. By right I should have been rejoicing yesterday but today is the day which everything accumulated into. How it went?

Well, really at this point, I dun care. I have reached the nervana of 'bo chiapness' that I wont even blink if the sky collapses. In fact I would be grateful if it happened to let me 'rest' forever, you know :P

Anyway today was another intensive day of 'feng sheng shu' going up and down numerous times. Though my duty for today was to stay at Project A's booth, but I was actually kept running down for Project B's stuff, which was supposed to be assisted by another additional collegue. She was to be in charge of them but then I dun know why the F#@^$ did I have to do her duty also. I was like running up to check on the booth, then shortly run down cos my cca ie Project B was performing and having photo taking at various time slots. That additional collegue was not constantly with the performers. Instead she became photographer and stayed around the photo shoot area. Which is not always busy cos there are designated time for special appearance by performers. So I dun get it why she didnt do more to help. Initially yes, but an hour later I was doing that instead. The thing is I just have to do then, cos if I dun, that would cause more troubles for the cca thingy. I was like the one giving them cues etc, telling them when to go back to resting room, who and who to appear at the photo shoot, to get them into positions.... Bah. The thing was that I was kept so busy or moving around that in the end I didnt take any photos with them. Nvm, the fact that the performing students seem to have enjoyed themselves somewhat is consolation enough, and that we managed to pull off the performance inspite of all the crap and numerous obstacles which kept increasing as the days proceeded.

After the last allocated performance, we started clearing up. The older students helped alot. They have shown responsibility, good attitude and maturity which is more lasting and valued compared to just plain intellect. These are something that one hopes to incalculate in them. Though some of them are slow in their work, but this has shown a different side to me. I am proud of their performance and attitude.

Nvm about the crap that I had to take. I'll just bitch abt it for a while and forget it later. But I will KIV those collegues and avoid working or work taiji with them. Come on, I also know how to SHIRK work, in fact that collegue also told me some of the excuse she used sometimes. I am not an idiot. I guess I am looking at the Bigger picture here than some petty games. Of course there is a limit to game-playing also.... We shall see.

After the event, I went straight for Jap class. Tab dumped me and went off to KL. And Krynnder 'put me aeroplane' (translate into mandarin) and watashi wa hitoride. By then I was already so mentally-incapcitated, that I can listen but not respond fast enough. Then today's lesson was totemo totemo muzukashi desne!!!!! And I couldnt respond at all to her simple question. My brain was on strike. I cant remember. Anyway I dun care. Bo chiap for now. Even if something extraordinary happened right before my eyes now, I will just walk off simply to go home to catch some much needed sleep.

Its such an effort to keep my eyes open now. At least for now can breath easier. Though I havent chill out or worked out all the pent-up stress and irritation. Now I can sleep to my heart's content.

Tired

I guess this is a very old topic, rite? Cos I am eternally tired, I'm tired going out, tired from walking too much. But this is a different sort of tiredness. U see this is really Tired from doing too much work for extended period of time, coupled with lack of sleep. Not the tired from doing too much exercise, too much gaming etc.

So for the up and coming event. Things are going on at full-speed. My entire last week from Tue to Sat, and this week until this Sat is jam-packed with work. Though I am in 3 projects, I am actually doing 2 cos my collegue knows I cannot do 'fen sheng shu' (ninjitsu - split into many mes) for so many which are all happening concurrently. Last Sat, I went back early at 9am to work on project 1. After twelve noon, when most of the printing is done, I had to help with project 2. And after that, I stayed on to help cut out more stuff cos I dun have enough time to go home to rest. So I might as well help and then went straight to Jap class. Man, I was stoning like hell there. To top it off, Tab sat at my seat, so sensei kept on asking me questions! Darn. I can comprehend but cannot answer with my limited vocab.

Whats there to add to this story... Nothing much except that I am very busy. And for both project 1 and 2, which is staffed by only 2 members. I am a valuable resource that is shared by both the project groups. Like yesterday, at first could go off cos project 1 dun need me. But project 2 needed me. Hence I still went off around 5.30pm. Grr....

On top of all these, I have tuition, cca and extra cca sessions and pack in 2-3 times gym. Its so tiring that there were times I actually fell asleep on my bus ride home which is like 10 mins ride only. This week alone, my cca is the only 2 that is still on. And there are 3 sessions instead of one for intensive rehearsals. Kept on having to adjust performance due to constant and frequent changes.... Xian.

Currently very stoned. Very stoned like when I was doing Rag, that type of stone. One thing though, is once I am too over-stoned, I become very crappy. While helping to decorate, I pulled out a pin from the styrofoam and exclaimed 'I have pulled out Excalibur, the legendary sword....' And I cant seem to focus and think properly. The sian part is that when I finally have some time to rest, say now, I dun want to just sleep. I want to read my comics, play my games and stuff. But very soon, its eleven and twelve. Have to go to bed. If I dun, tomorrow, I will really regret. If I do, then I would lament that I did not do anything else. So either way sizn.

There are 24 hours in one day but how many of it is actually really mine?

Friday I think I want to go around jalaning. Cos Sat still have very long day, from 8 to 3pm. I want to go to gym and then go out. Anyone interested?

Sorry for my longer than normal absence from this humble blog....

Pardon me for I have been very very busy doing up stuff for this up and coming BIG SCALE event at my workplace. The scale of it reminds me of another BIZAD rag. In fact this is worse cos the man power is severely limited given the sheer scale of it. Around 30 parents and school workers plus whatever time we all can chip in between our lessons, after school, after cca etc. And to top it off, I am not even in this committee, the one who suggested putting up that huge rag thingy. I am in other 3 projects that has to be showcased on that day. Hence I am torn between many tasks, teams etc.

First up is my cca. They are going to have a performance on that day linked to the theme of the rag thingy. Which means that it is a major selling point, which means we cannot screw up. The fish about this is that the instructor, who is being paid a huge sum of money, is screwing up very badly for us. They might as well pay me... I can do a better job than the instructor. So major clean up operation, given that my other partner decided to let me be the team leader. There are just the 2 of us, she wanted to concentrate on another project under her which has just 'exploded' after the Big P decided to bump it up a little.

So I began the week with monday, me doing up a status report plus issues to settle n distributing to other 2 staff involved.

Tuesday was a long day until 5.30 doing up displays, taking photos, trying to trouble shoot and patch the major screw up. We did what we could.

Wednesday, was for another project related to National education, also under the same partner teacher. So after meeting was this long discussion on work review and also on the tasks for the big event. Luckily that collegue was nice to me, she knows that I have one more project so she let others do more. Left after 5pm.

Thursday, today, was work starting on this 3rd project, which is staffed by one other collegue and me. Talk about work allocation.... She is a very nice lady and I have worked with her before last year for the P6 graduation performance. She also sits around my area and one of the few nice ones u can really trust to talk about your thoughts type. So of course I try to help as much as I can, given that alot are Word or Powerpoint stuff. Anyway many hands make light work, so today managed to clear most of the stuff. She also took on alot. Phew.

Tomorrow is Friday, the day of my current cca. A lot of things to settle but I can only cross my fingers and hope for the best. Have to grab a digital camera and take pictures for the cca as well as for the third project. I hope to survive and await the weekend eagerly.

My workplace will be open for sat and sunday but no way am I coming back. For what. This big scale project is part of the major marketing campaign undertaken by my workplace to promote itself to prospectors and stakeholders. I have no problem with that. The irritating part is when the leaders esp the P, only talk big and talk bigger while we do and do. The guidance and prescence of the leader is absent. Yes there is the money, but I dun see the leader getting dirty with the rest of us... Secondly the lieutantents who are planning the event, are too ambitious, and plan for tasks that are too intricate, too time consuming details, keep on picking on nitty gritty stuff even at this late hour, keep on adding stuff to beautify the already very beautiful setup... I just dun get it! I pity the perms and volunteers who stay back and work on this big rag thingy which is only one project under one committee. I admit the committee is big compared to my committee but its single project is way beyond its own capabilities, yet the head is not satisified with just some, she adds details and intricacies that are way beyond what we all did in the Bizad Intricacy Section last time. Way too much.

I was in one of the sub-teams doing up one set of the displays. Painting life-sized fairy tale characters. It was supposedly voluntary but cos they sent the first email but i didnt reply cos they didnt send to me, they send me a second email and cc to the P. Hence of course have to say yes rite? Okay fair enough, then I stayed back extra on Wednesdays after meeting to paint. The irritating thing was that the other 2 members took very long to finish their one character whereas I single-handedly finished 2 characters plus 2 mouses. True they came back on sat to cut out the figures but that sat, I was unwell so i want to rest. Then fine I paint lah. Then one member joined me. She kept on changing her colours and colour again and again. This one not nice lah... maybe lighter..... (trys) .... eeek the former one seems nicer and proceeds to paint again. While at this same time, I was 80% done on one character. I was the one mixing the colours to get the shade that I wanted whereas she used the primary colours.... Sign. Then the next 2 wednesdays, I continued. Finished up the other character and started on the mouses. After I was done, I helped paint that single character that was still unfinished at that point.... The only thing was that after it was done, I didnt have to do the outline. The other 2 did it. Later they did up 2 birds.

When that sub-project was finished and done for, we were the first team to have finished it. So now, I help around as and when I can spare the time but given that conflicting orders for the work, new additions suggested, more intricacies and crap ideas added on second thought by the leader and lieutantents only serve to undermine the effort to finish on time and also serve to drain the already fed-up members and morale. It has gone way beyond the line. Of course it is very impressive and beautiful but when I look at it, it reminds me of the very hard work done by especially the volunteers, I feel that it is a GIANT WHITE ELEPHANT that is the result of one person's ambition. Its not a group concensus but a one-man ambition ego thingy.

I pity the perms cos I reckon and guess that their performance appraisal depends on how hard and impressive they manage this event, the projects under them, instead of teaching results. This has become so big that everything else almost seem secondary, which seems wrong to me.

Next week will be the worst of them all. I am 'booked' already from monday to wednesday already. I reckon the rest of the week will also be busy doing up one of the three projects that I am down for. I wonder who is the FISH who allocate the work. It is very uneven or that I am in 'Hot demand' *pui* Like real. Just so happens that I end up with quite a pile of s*it. It just a coincidence that my cca, one project for that event allocated, plus my sub committee project all are being showcased at the same event. Its just my luck.