Observation from the 'other side'

Met a collegue from my batch of contract 'chers and also that ex-collegue from contract school. Interesting to note that the two of them are also posted bloody far from their homes. Beyond one hour and up to one and a half.

One tried to apply for transfer on grounds of wedding and moving even further, denied. The other loved her contract school too much and doesnt mind even though she too is getting married and shifting very near to the eastern end of Singapore while her workplace is in Bukit merah. One has gotten a car cos of the sheer distance. The other is intending to get one, once she is married.

Hmm in the 2 years since I had joined, things have moved on. About half are in the process of 'settling-down' be it marriage or even work-wise.

I am still floating around, anchorless and maybe.... not-so-free. Thinking of retirement, trying to pursue forgotten dreams and rekindle dying passions. To my best efforts, to live each day as it is, to stop and look at the blue skies above and inhale the fresh air, to stop and ponder about what life entails for me, to search endlessly for something even if its form is vague and incomprehensible at the moment.

At the moment, I cant imagine what its like to 'settle-down'.

The idea is too remote and alien-like. The prospective of that is too daunting- the matter-of-fact is once married, (in most cases) one cannot stop working to pay housing and car instalments. After when the kids come, one cannot stop working to pay for the education, and thereafter to save up for retirement.

The other prospect of 'settling-down' in a job especially my current industry would mean that I have to do the same thing in a routine manner through the years. It will be the same routine save for two things; I get older but my charges remain the same age.

Its too mind-boggling to comprehend my unwillingness to let go of my freedom. The freedom from work, not so much of marriage. Maybe true to my zodiac sign, I have always longed for freedom, be it physically, mentally or spiritually. This doenst manifest with having a travel-bug like my friends but a longing whenever I look at the skies. To shed the chains and responsibilities and soar and live freely.

To lift the analogy from the Matrix, how would those humans still plugged into the Matrix, know what true freedom is like, given they are plugged into the System in which they live out their entire lives. How would they know if the freedom of choice they had while plugged in is real or not? Is that freedom any lesser than that they experience once outside the System?

True the working and married life have their own promises of freedom, experienced by those who live out their lives in this manner. But is there no alternative freedom? Guess this search of freedom for me entails still much more than financial freedom.

Okay, that's all for my ramblings and deeper thoughts for now. Am not feeling too good, on my second mc, am going to see doctor, rest, maple a bit and finish up some *$&%# work. Maybe I should just chuck the work.