To all friends and others, hope ya all have a Happy New Year. Today is the last day of the year 2003. As we are moving into 2004, I would like to reflect on my year past and coming year ahead.

Year 2003 to me is remembered as one of struggles, small triumphs and a lot of hard work. Now as I try to recall what are the exact things that I did- I cant really recall exactly.... (partly due to being sick, down with flu).. Well all that I know is that in the first half of the year, I worked real hard to push up my CAP to try to qualify for the honours, which I didnt.

Then I've graduated. Fresh and wide-eyed and facing the job market, I venture forth to look for employment. That search was not forthcoming cos of my empty job experience. Hence another stage in my life begun, with me taking up one temp assignment, teaching tuition. On top of this, learning jap and piano (thanks to Quetzal, appreciate ur efforts alot) cos I wanna pursue some of my dreams concurrently, many which I have deferred due to lack of time, resources or opportunity in the past. Remember how we always say 'well i will do that when i grow up, and have more $$$, or now dun have the time, will do so later when i graduate...' It is impt not to forget these dreams when one is too caught up by daily routine. There comes a time when U have to take action and not wait any longer, grasp the opportunity, cos they wont be there always. Create the opportunities and take them! There are a huge list of things I wanna learn or do, but currently I wil finish this 2 first before I do others. No use taking on too much if one cannot manage. But quite keen on bar-tending course... but the timing is not condusive... But I do take the oppt to try out new drinks, and note their taste whenever I can, not exceeding my twice per mth quota. Then again, this intense second half of the year was one of trials, esp from the time constraints of juggling temp work n tuition and weekend lessons. Many a times, I felt like giving up and stop struggling with fatigue, strong feelings of unhappiness and helplessness. But somehow I managed. A small victory, though a difficult one indeed. I guess, I have learnt much and hopefully my character will grow in strength and I will develop a strong drive to see me to my goals.

Now as I move forth to 2004, I have a challenging n daunting task ahead of me- another half year of struggle as Internal Bleeding, tuition and lessons. For the later half, I hope to see myself more settled to the idea of work as well as the idiosyncrasies and routine related to working, as well as finding a perm job n earning real $$$. Then I dun have to work this hard for peanuts or peanut shells. New year comes in another few hrs, my resolutions are :
1) To be more appreciative of family, friends and people around me.
2) Exercise at least 3 times a week for more stamina to face work.
3) Learn to live in the present and appreciate every day for its lessons and value.
lastly, 4) To face up to challenges and adversity with a brave heart and persevere to the end. To finish all that I started.

All the Best and Happy New Year! *cough, sneeze* Take care and keep in contact.

Today... I went to work at 8.30am and ended at 8pm..... when I finally dragged myself out of the office, I looked at the sky.... It feels like its going to rain... and the crescent moon looks beautiful though solitary... A cool breeze blew past my face, I feel a bit less wretched. *Sign No $$$ for extra effort or OT.... Man this is not a good deal. *grumbles... what a crap of a monday... I hate printing and editing...

On my way home, a coincidence that I met a former collegue from my previous zoo... Then I complain and lament, after that felt better. Somehow I feel very much like exercising very hard- though I should be careful and not hurt myself. Well tom is sooo very near. Just had my dinner n bath, now brain-dead, stoning infront of computer n tv.... wondering if I should play games, exercise or just sleep... Hmm a drink is super tempting... but then again I am falling ill...

To friends out there, take care, cos the weather is not so good. *cough...sneeze.... (I wonder if I should fall sick and get MC, maybe later... cos holidays round the corner.)

*sign.... just 125 more days to freedom....

sign...The age gap bet collegues is too great... mostly mothers or married... dun even have the energy to interact... cos I feel very exhausted. They all thot I sick or what then they thot tt cos I worked before, so 'should be' used to the hours... Well its been 3 weeks since I last worked... and not 9hr per day type.... Well when I'm tired esp dead tired not to mention brain-still-sleeping mode, I am very quiet... and just do my work-type. There are still many more days to go I guess...

Dunno if I come across as a pessimist but dun really have much positive stuff to say nowadays about the present.. No wonder sometimes I keep on looking forward to the future (more of my days of freedom) or dwell in the past (more to looking back at my days of freedom)...

Sometimes we are all so caught up in our work and other activities that we fail to stop a while to notice how blue the sky is.. how beautiful the sun-rise is... and then realise that u are missing out on something... and signed when u realise that u are indeed small in this bigger world out there... Unfortunately before u can finish ur philosophical thoughts, the bus or train turns into the tunnel.... and u hurry back to the 'rat-race'. To those, I saw this and found it highly meaningful:

"Happiness never comes to those who fail to appreciate what they already have"

It is only after my hectic schedule that only sees me back in home after the sun has gone down.... on days of tuition, reach home around 1030 or later.... on weekends, out the whole day... Not much time spent with family. They are understanding of my hectic schedule, supportive. They are one reason for me working so hard.... esp with regards to getting a perm job. But sometimes I forget to appreciate the time together. I have to keep that in mind... and constantly remind myself to adhere to that. That in working hard, I dun forget what is REALLY important.

Well Merry Christmas to all, though mine is a sad one.... got out of the office around 4 plus, reached home 5, then rush for tuition 6.30 plus. Arrived home 10.45pm... Well not that I celebrate anyway but the so-called 'half day' is really a fraud... and everyday still have to ask if i can go... damn... i feel like a kid. I only feel like either drowning my sorrow and exhaustion in alcohol... or just sleeping. I guess that is the best medicine I can get... Tom I'll just stay home with family and Fri is going to be a LONG day and dinner with JC friends. I should try to settle in but I am fighting it constantly.... cos I dun wanna be caught up in this routine, and be numb abt doing the routine... Many others whom I have met and asked, told me that that is the deal. It is normal to be numb. Job is nothing much more than for the $$ and something u cant help but still have to do chore. But that violates what I want from a job. I dun expect challenge everyday or what colourful days... but just a sense of ownership and responsibility and decision-making. Sounds idealistic? Well guess I havent learnt my lesson well. I am an idealist in heart and still hold onto my dreams.

Today is like my Nth day as an intern, *N is single digit -and I felt as though I have worked a century.... No wonder I am Ancient Spirit. Okay lemme contrast a bit with my former monkey job. Both into ops and one is paperwork and the other is eyeballing and equally manual. Both routine, boring and most imptly low pay and long hrs. Hmm is there this pattern or that I really suck in my choice of employment..... I think so too. Man whatever naive ideas I have in my head, are all like being taken and showcased to me thru my jobs and I am learning the hard way. During the day, the off is so quiet that I almost fell asleep... the boredom and strain of just staring at the screen for hours... then cannot serve the net... cos under survilence.... I still cannot decide whether I like being a paper-pusher or eyeballing expert..... both menial. Though I wont mind a much higher pay... Pay is definitely a motivating factor, not the MOST impt but still among top 3 factors. Others in my list include exciting and challenging job nature and skill competency. I wonder is it becos I am not in my area of interest like Treasury or Investments that I feel so or is it just the true nature of the jobs- a univeral fact that I have failed to grasp..... " Well all shall be revealed in due time..." In the meantime, I have to continue my count-down...127 and counting... will let u all know when the number falls to 30+ days. Then can plan another unemployment celebration....

Now using alot of Office, so my word and excel skills are actually pretty good. Hmm something else to add on to my resume. Phew lucky I can keep my tuition, but have to schedule so no more ladies nite for me.... sob* "I wanna drink and forget all my troubles....*hic....

Thank goodness that there are such things call Public holidays... if not then I really have no days off. Although I only have 6 such days next year, it is still better than nothing. The only thing is tt i dun work sats. I keep counting onto christmas and new year, not that I celebrate them but cos i have to work halfdays on the eves... So that sounds sad right? Dunno, after 3 weeks of gaming and not working, not to mention late nights- I am still not adjusted myself to the working mentality and mode. Dun have the stamina to last sooooo many hours and face the boredom... Please let a miracle happen, U bloody GOD OF INTERVIEWS & JOBS, let me be magically posted to my dream areas.... its always so near yet so far.... or $$$ falling from the sky... or just a good night sleep with dreams of happiness....

Oh onto my beer and spirits review section. The last time me and friends went drinking, I had a Budwiser.... i think thats how its spelt.... It is a VERY nice beer, cos no bitter after-taste in the mouth... it is very smooth, like the Tiger draught... So lite that Krynnder can also drink it. Definitely a good choice for those who cannot stomach the bitter taste of beer. Also just this week, I tried the Becks non-alcoholic malt drink.... basically beer with no alcohol content but still taste like beer, which is SUPER bitter..... the only other beer to match the initial taste of bitterness is Guiness stout, the black beer. But funny enough, after a few glups... it starts to taste better. Hmm for those who are health-conscious perhaps... But yours truely is keeping to max of 2 drinks per mth... so still have one more for this Dec..... wink wink...hint hint...like real..

Err I was supposed to put up this entry last nite. (sorry to those who tried to read it last nite...)
Okay so now, instead of being a Monkey, I am now an intern (Internal Bleeding). How did that happen? Well sometime back I got the internship details from friends and applied for a few. So just on Mon, the Company called at 5.45pm. Told me that I was selected n whether I wanted it. Okay Great I thot happily.... the caller told me the official hrs and suppose to yesterday. So now I am magically transformed into an intern. A nicer term or so I thot.....

While preparing for my first day on Wed.... I realised that my work hrs stretchs to 9hrs!.... Okay i thot, maybe I can make it in time for my tuition... nvm I will observe first. Then I signed on that dotted line. Pay is low but still okay I thot... at least I got just as much as a monkey... Again if there is this God of jobs n interview out there..... he must be having a hell of a time playing with my working life loh! So there I was, a bit glad to be an intern n not a temp.... went to meet my Sup... was told of having to do project, was the first intern they have, and they OT like xiao, and the temps leaving soon so I have to take over. Just great! #$&$^ At least a temp can claim OT, which is like xiao... but I dun get OT nor leave. NOW I want to be a temp.... bloody hell! So the normal story apply, got to learn n start doing in record time, no access pass, sign in at the counter, and wake up damn early in the morning. I really dunno if I can keep my tuition kid with this kind of timing... So far so good... but I definitely cannot reach my tuition at 7 or 7.30.... Sign. Tomorrow got to learn new stuff, cos I 'overperformed'..... learnt yesterday, today I do already.... Sup impressed, tom got to learn the harder stuff.... They r definitely not paying me enough for such. I work hard cos I dun wanna be idle.... but this pt might be exploited. Maybe I should ask regarding the tuition commitment... Man 129 days more of workdays to my freedom.... The only 2 irritating things are the hrs.... which affect my tuition and the ulu-ness of the place. Man, what was I thinking of when I thot an intern was better than a temp. It seems tt to certain industries, both categories are the same. Well I'll just hope to complete another few more mths of my tuition grant bond.

Brotherhood Prevails.

KPOcumEternalPMS looked smug when he noticed that the Temp Brotherhood had returned with a new ally, a white witch-like lady whom he dismissed as a written off piece of trash. Again he launched into his KPO attacks, noticing whether one comes back late from lunch, go back home early without permission and even checks the male toilets if one is away for too long. To these barrage of attacks, the temp brotherhood suffered and endured, but H stood up for her rights. H would launch counterattacks behind KPO's back. She would argue with him regarding the 'niaoness' and how she was 'specially selected' to work in Zoo #2. So for days and weeks, everyday was a battlefield, everyday there would be incidents of KPO vs H. Until KPO gave up with regards to H, and crawled away defeated. Finally the Temp Brotherhood can continue on their journey to the next obstacle; Boredom n Fatigue. (to be continued.....)

I really hate interviews esp if they come suddenly with extremely short notice. Then I have to quickly prepare my clothes, shoes n lines. Worse still, I still havent perfected my speech- not to mention even prepare for that. Although I had crashed n burn my resume n phone conversation.... this part unfortunately is still undone as I was gaming happily until out of the blue, in the middle of the nite, suddenly one lone call came. In a blink of n eye, i have an interview 1 n 1/2 days later.... sign... Why cant mine come at more normal timings..... usually they come when I am in the toilet n late at nite or bloody early in the morning. At these times, my mind would not be as sharp n would either just reject or screw up. They should at least call before or after lunch. So now I have less than 24hrs to prepare for the speech.... sign.... No wonder I have a tendency to screw up.

The old lady looked at Monkey Hell, and laughed in a hoarse manner that sounded like a car engine starting. No wonder no evil dwells here. No one could stand that noise/voice. Having lived in the forest for centuries without conflict, the White Witch, or H joined up with the Temp brotherhood for adventure. But both Monkey Hell n X have to cover their ears and grit their teeth whenever H tries to start a conversation or laugh.... Poor them....

With their newest ally, the Temp brotherhood ventured forth towards Mt Heeheehaha to face the remaining member of the baboons that stood in their way- KPOcumEternalPMS..... (to be continued)

An additional part regarding investments into endowment funds esp for Kheldar:
Okay so how did I end up having an endowment fund? Well it happened a few yrs back when I was depositing $$ at my bank. Then the counter people diverted me to one side for this endowment. (Please say NO to them) And I thot that it was okay, saving $100 per mth n 'investing' (please note the '') the idle $$. But after I signed the dotted line, n read thru the whole policy n fineprint n do calculations with my financial calculator..... The whole deal is not attractive at all. The only thing is that luckily mine was a savings endowment, plain type not those exotic structured ones linked to exchange rate etc.

Why? First off, U feel the pinch of $100 less per mth in terms of cash. Even if u pay annually like me, there is a pressure to put aside $100 or the full sum at least before the end of the year. Otherwise it would eat into my bank ac. I hope u all understand what I mean. The money in ur ac is liquid, u can withdraw anytime. But your 'savings' in the endowment cannot be withdrawn.... u can by either surrendering ur policy with huge huge losses, or wait until u can withdraw ur yearly premiums. Which is stupid cos u are drawing out your capital- a big no no in finance. On top of that u lose the extra bit of interest on the premiums if they r not withdrawn. So DO NOT rely on this as a 'saving' ac. It is NOT ONE.

Second, while the IDEAL PROJECTED RATE OF RETURN of the policy is nice to look at.... it is but an assumption based on the highest end of their estimation n is not the REAL rate of return. So dun expect to get as much as they promised. Really think abt how they derive their figures, not just for this but for the numerous types of investments or loans outside. Are the gains or savings for REAL? The most that one can get out of the savings endowment policy is your capital n gains which are subjected to deductions of mgt fees, insurance blah blah....not to mention inflation as well as economic conditions. Most imptly of all is the OPPORTUNITY COST. U might wonder why is this opp cost important. Just say that u really need the $$ but dun have it, cos all locked up in the endowment.. That is why this type of 'savings endowment' CAN NEVER substitute having real cash in the bank. There was this oppt where I couldnt invest in more shares cos a chunk of my $$ in this policy, so in the end, made lesser profit, though it was only once off event. (happened long time back already.....)

Lastly, it SUCKS big time, whenever they send u letter for payment. Which is bloody painful. Cos I see my bank ac shrink. But besides that. I dun expect to see that sum of money, in my case $30K, until I am like 43 yrs old. Lets think for a while. Do I need that sum now or in the future? For the future. would be what most think, but I like to ask u a qn. Will u have that sum already in the future from working n ur own savings. It is very likely. So 30K then may just be a small sum, compared to what $100 per mth or $1200 is to me every year.

So in conclusion, mine still have 22yrs to go. That is very long. By then I believe I would already have more than the endowed amt. Fortunately for my case, the sum offered is not in the ten thousands, and I can meet their yearly premiums n it is not too heavy a burden. And I wont have to worry if I die bf the policy matured, cos the sum is not huge. I wont have to really defer all my expenditure for 25 yrs so that I can 'consume' them in the future. But still it is a constant IRRITATION for me to put aside $$ specially for it, on top of my personal savings, loans etc. So nowadays if anyone tries to sell me a policy, be it insurance or whatever, that person will get it from me...esp if it is unsolicited.

Temp Brotherhood's New Ally

After narrowly escaping from the intense battle with KPOcumEternalPMS, the Temp Brotherhood of the Monkeys ended up lost n stranded in the Forest of Impending Doom. They have long heard of the forest being guarded by a legendary White Witch, who dwells in the forest; protecting it from the evils of the Great One Eye.

Lost, wounded and hungry, the Temp Brotherhood decided to camp overnite in the dark and errie woods. (if u r wondering, we term it the ladies toilet- the only safe refuge from relentless work order attacks) During the nite, as the forest creatures slowly fall silent; one stirred. She descended upon the unsuspecting campers. Just then Monkey Hell woke up to find an old lady in white standing over them...

Hi, I'm back in Spore, after 3 days back in Msia- which was not a holiday, but a torture of unspeakable agony, and mental retardness that I was bored to my tears.... (sign, dun talk abt it now)

So lemme continue my incident report about my temp days: Titled the Middle-finger Incident (funny)

This happened at Office 1, on my first mth of work. I had mentioned that I gotten along very well with the rest of the collegues despite the age gaps which range from 7-15+ years. There is this one particular male collegue, lemme name him Happy, cos he is a very cheerful fella. Always smiling, cracking jokes, making work fun or at least bearable. So though I dun join in, I do smile at his jokes. Then he said to me: "You have a very nice smile." (frankly I dunno if this is true, but maybe cos I dun smile so often- friends can attest to this- therefore my smile is as rare as it gets. Moreever sometimes there must be a reason to be happy to smile, otherwise it is just a fake one like those given by those customer service pple. At least this is my personal belief with regards to smiling n being happy.)

Then he continuously tried to make me smile... he would come up to me and say "Give me a smile", he would smile or grin at me whenever he said that. So despite myself, I would smile. And he would like snap his fingers in triumph. Like he has accomplished something. So this continued for some time. But there was this one day, he kept doing it. I was okay if he did it like occasionally, but whenever he walked in or out of the room n made eye-contact, he would do this routine. So towards the end of the day, Happy tried again. This time, most of the collegues were at the room, and he tried to make me smile again. "So Yenn, gimme a smile", but before I could think, I had already pointed my middle-finger at him- with a straight face, then I smiled. Lemme explain myself, so far in my life, I only pointed the MF at my bro, none at any friends. So there r certain elements about Happy that reminds me unconsciously abt my Bro. Then during the day, he kept on repeating the smile rountine, n whenever I smiled inspite of myself, I decided not to adhere to this rountine. Moreover smiling is something that I rarely did, unless I am happy or what, then of course I was a bit irritated at being continuously baited to smile. Anyway those collegues at the table, were all amused at my response. They did not expect me to do that cos I was well-behaved, shy as well as educated, well same here- lemme me stress it came automatically. And according to them, Happy was blushing. Well that was a Friday so after that, he only did that rountine occassionally. So there ends one interesting chapter of my short working life thus far. But that did not dampen his funny personality. Anyway I do hope to meet more of such funny people, who inject humor n liveliness into the rountine work life.

Incidentally when I was at Office 2, one collegue, also remarked that I have a nice smile. Her words mirror Happy's. Sign so what I thought. Of course it is nice if it is rare n genuine smile. That's my conclusion.

Okay its been a while since my last entry. My humblest apologies to faithful readers of my Monkey column.

The main reason for my longer than usual abscence is the fact that I have been really gaming very HARD. For the past week, have been watching intense anime vcds. Then gaming non-stop on Gunbound- an on-line game. To top it off, I just gotten PS II on Monday, so game like xiao lah. Playing some interesting titles, Harvest Moon (be a virtual farmer) Kingdom Hearts (revisiting all my final fantasy n disney movies n characters). Too bad I cant get Yugioh, or else, I will be the ULTIMATE Pharoh!!!!!! Not to mention the bearer of huge black eyebags. So now I thrive in the other World, of anime, games n lack of sleep..... (so there goes my resume for now, at least until I get stuck at the games, which partially explains why I'm here...) Lucky me n sisters sharing so dont cost that much, but still I bought a pair of work shoes so also broke but feels good to at least spend some peanut $$$ after working sooooo hard for it.

Then another round of tuition has just begun, n I have only 1 kid. So despite my future impending lack of pkt $, can still survive. I hope. Dunno if I can get better paying tuition assignments, but I just let it be. A perm job is still of upmost priority. Er interview conversations still left undone...... though I now sound more enthusiastic in phone conversations. So I plan for tuition on tue n sat.

Will not be around in Spore, for maybe 4+ days, from this Sat. Cos need to go back to 'fix-up' some biz. Sign even if I was paid good $$$, I am still reluctant to go back... alot of stuff.... but I dun want to air dirty laundry. So dun expect me around for any upcoming activities. Dunno leh, like having a writer's block regarding the Monkey advertures- hmm lemme hang around n see if any inspirations come up. Till the next enty. C ya.