There are 2 other local collegues. We have gotten quite close, cos we all in the same boat. Work was more bearable, we could chat and hide out in the preparation room with privacy. Today is the last day of the home economic local collegue. I often hang with her after school dismissal and we often chat, I watch her make those cakes and ask for some baking advice. Would miss her terribly... And the privacy of the prep room. Signs... I will be quite anti-social cos make small talk with other collegues is too difficult to maintain beyond 5 mins. Lack of topic, common interest etc. More tired to make small talk than just do my own stuff. As it is already with the teaching load plus homeroom zhu bo n the long school term, already feels like things never ends... This will make it even worse. Have to provide n find something.
My other local collegue is part-time. So after 3-3.30pm, I have no one else to chat with... Not that I am anti-social, but cos of their contracts of 2-3 years max, so every year, there's people leaving, new people coming in. In about 2 years, the people whom u've gotten to know well n work well with are gone... It's kinda tiring to try to make so many 'new' collegue-friends so many times, after a while. So I kinda cold this year to the new bunch o people cos I only work with a couple or so out of the ten.
I am starting my gym again gradually, trying to look thru recruits. So many balls to juggle without breaking them...
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Long time no post - eat n eat
As of now, I am at tuition. Doing timed practice so I can blog. Have 21mins to stare.
Long time no post. Not that I am not doing stuff but was just kinda sickly n tired. Last thing I wanna do after all the work is to stare at the screen. Even lazy to blog via I-phone. Too much I-phoning at work, cos better surfing speeds.
Since last week is a whole bunch of eating. Cos 1 local collegue is leaving aka resigning. Hopefully to greener pastures. Thinks it suits her. So there's been a whole series of dinners. I ate with her at Marchies last thur, $25 Then last fri was the Ohsumi dinner. Very good quality pork shabu-shabu. That cost about $60 after plus plus n cab fare. Level farewell gift $10. Then we the local stuff pooled money to buy dome vouchers $35. Next is tomorrow, there's like a English teacher farewell. It's at a very nearby pub... Dunno how much will that cost. Then this Thur, we intend to sneak out for an extended long long lunch at a Korean restaurant. Also about $35... Wow a lot of money. Not that it's not worth it, cos I am really close to her but like really a whole bunch of stuff.
The shabu shabu place is worth it cos I never knew that different cuts of the meat shabu shabu taste so good. N it's an all-you-can eat for the meat n veg. Very authentic Jap style shabu. With either the ponzu or gomu sauce to dip. Love the gomu (sesame) I really ate all meat until super full... Ate a few strands of veg. It's like the cuts of meat were so pretty really like those Japan Hour shabu shabu. That one I don't mind eating again.
The amtof eating plus low energy level motivated me to restart going to the gym.
Long time no post. Not that I am not doing stuff but was just kinda sickly n tired. Last thing I wanna do after all the work is to stare at the screen. Even lazy to blog via I-phone. Too much I-phoning at work, cos better surfing speeds.
Since last week is a whole bunch of eating. Cos 1 local collegue is leaving aka resigning. Hopefully to greener pastures. Thinks it suits her. So there's been a whole series of dinners. I ate with her at Marchies last thur, $25 Then last fri was the Ohsumi dinner. Very good quality pork shabu-shabu. That cost about $60 after plus plus n cab fare. Level farewell gift $10. Then we the local stuff pooled money to buy dome vouchers $35. Next is tomorrow, there's like a English teacher farewell. It's at a very nearby pub... Dunno how much will that cost. Then this Thur, we intend to sneak out for an extended long long lunch at a Korean restaurant. Also about $35... Wow a lot of money. Not that it's not worth it, cos I am really close to her but like really a whole bunch of stuff.
The shabu shabu place is worth it cos I never knew that different cuts of the meat shabu shabu taste so good. N it's an all-you-can eat for the meat n veg. Very authentic Jap style shabu. With either the ponzu or gomu sauce to dip. Love the gomu (sesame) I really ate all meat until super full... Ate a few strands of veg. It's like the cuts of meat were so pretty really like those Japan Hour shabu shabu. That one I don't mind eating again.
The amtof eating plus low energy level motivated me to restart going to the gym.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Tired n kinda empty sickly
With the restful weekend where I did as little taxing stuff, I actually felt better on Monday. But in Tue, feeling giddy n light-headed. Kinda of in a daze. My assignment was cancelled so I rested at home. But everytime I open my eyes to the clock, just feel like rolling over to sleep more. Kinda sickly on Tue.
Today just got worse. Dunno if it's the illness still having traces or cos of the period that I am pale, tired n feeling giddy n lightheaded. Also stoned after the hectic mon n tue timetable. When is the 'time-out' for this? The term break is still far away in the month of August... Omfg
I went home today after work n just slept n slept. Felt better but wished I could sleep more. Signz... Will try to sleep more.
At the rate I am going, am not sure if I can finish this 'year' as planned to build up the personal reserve... Am doubtful of the continuity of this contract given the messy non-existent system, no prospect in terms of pay, quite a hostile environment cos nowhere else to 'hang at' and how on the surface, it's teamwork but there's a lot of misery among everyone. And the misery is being shared out cos they wanna have this equality but yet alot of time is wasted in duplication.
Dunno how long am I going to last over here. It's reached a point where I am quite drained after work. With no end (break) in sight. It's freaking tiring...
Today just got worse. Dunno if it's the illness still having traces or cos of the period that I am pale, tired n feeling giddy n lightheaded. Also stoned after the hectic mon n tue timetable. When is the 'time-out' for this? The term break is still far away in the month of August... Omfg
I went home today after work n just slept n slept. Felt better but wished I could sleep more. Signz... Will try to sleep more.
At the rate I am going, am not sure if I can finish this 'year' as planned to build up the personal reserve... Am doubtful of the continuity of this contract given the messy non-existent system, no prospect in terms of pay, quite a hostile environment cos nowhere else to 'hang at' and how on the surface, it's teamwork but there's a lot of misery among everyone. And the misery is being shared out cos they wanna have this equality but yet alot of time is wasted in duplication.
Dunno how long am I going to last over here. It's reached a point where I am quite drained after work. With no end (break) in sight. It's freaking tiring...
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Sickly / Franchisee / Investment
Sick.
Cannot 'tong' anymore. After hanging on precariously, couldnt hold on anymore on Thur. After work, I asked for permission to skip cca and made it just in time to see the doctor. Got an mc for Fri. After dinner, I just slept through the evening and even until next morning.
This morning, I still woke up normally despite switching off the alarm clock already. Just kept dozing until afternoon. I was still sickly but went ahead to (secretly) attend a franchisee talk with a collegue. I am not sure about it as my money are mostly in stocks, then my personal reserve is off-limits. Yet the huge inlay $55k-70k is beyond my one income's ability at the moment. I might be able to get better returns from shares for this sum... but that would limit my work income... Yet that amount in biz, might be capital for just 1 year of operation, really too high at my current stage. If it was lesser, I might have been more willing.
I understand that any biz has risk and that no gurantee of profitability. Also the cap on potential income is gone. Potential to earn higher than what I am getting. But I am not sure about it. The capital inlay is beyond what I am willing to fork up cos a large part of my money is in the stock market. Cannot move out. Not comfortable throwing my personal reserves all-in, like in a show-hand. Think I would still go ahead with the interview and even attend parts of the talks if I pass, cos up until the point of offering the franchisee, there is no money involved.
After that, I was dropped off home where I slept through the remaining late afternoon and evening... after an early dinner. Woke up feeling more back to normal. Guess this weekend, the priority is to sleep earlier and rest more.
On the investment front, sg stocks are falling alot. On my sg counters, I am in the red. For some, lost quite a bit... I am keeping my fingers crossed as I plan to sit through this. Not gonna sell for losses. That's where the personal reserve helps cos I can afford to wait it through.
Luckily I do invest in malaysian counters. Out of my 4, my main one has risen alot, yet I was waiting for it to go higher (greedy) and when it showed signs of falling right back down. I monitored the prices frequently (on I-phone) and still managed to about 2/3 of my holdings at about 48% profit over cost (but duration is longer than 2.5yrs, but received good dividends from it) Though this meant I would receive less dividends from this dividend-rich counter but if prices fall right back to my target, I am ready to buy back again.
Its already June and yet I'm not even hitting the 1st investment target of $10k yet. Still far from it... just feel good that I realized the gain, before it slipped back to red. Still reeling from the redness of the sg stock market. Not left with much capital to buy when the prices reach the "bottom"... still trying to decide 'how low is low enough', before I buy a couple more lots. Am tempted to transfer money from personal reserve over but dont want to invest too much as it is already so... So many decisions to make. Yet I am very happy with making these compared to others.
Cannot 'tong' anymore. After hanging on precariously, couldnt hold on anymore on Thur. After work, I asked for permission to skip cca and made it just in time to see the doctor. Got an mc for Fri. After dinner, I just slept through the evening and even until next morning.
This morning, I still woke up normally despite switching off the alarm clock already. Just kept dozing until afternoon. I was still sickly but went ahead to (secretly) attend a franchisee talk with a collegue. I am not sure about it as my money are mostly in stocks, then my personal reserve is off-limits. Yet the huge inlay $55k-70k is beyond my one income's ability at the moment. I might be able to get better returns from shares for this sum... but that would limit my work income... Yet that amount in biz, might be capital for just 1 year of operation, really too high at my current stage. If it was lesser, I might have been more willing.
I understand that any biz has risk and that no gurantee of profitability. Also the cap on potential income is gone. Potential to earn higher than what I am getting. But I am not sure about it. The capital inlay is beyond what I am willing to fork up cos a large part of my money is in the stock market. Cannot move out. Not comfortable throwing my personal reserves all-in, like in a show-hand. Think I would still go ahead with the interview and even attend parts of the talks if I pass, cos up until the point of offering the franchisee, there is no money involved.
After that, I was dropped off home where I slept through the remaining late afternoon and evening... after an early dinner. Woke up feeling more back to normal. Guess this weekend, the priority is to sleep earlier and rest more.
On the investment front, sg stocks are falling alot. On my sg counters, I am in the red. For some, lost quite a bit... I am keeping my fingers crossed as I plan to sit through this. Not gonna sell for losses. That's where the personal reserve helps cos I can afford to wait it through.
Luckily I do invest in malaysian counters. Out of my 4, my main one has risen alot, yet I was waiting for it to go higher (greedy) and when it showed signs of falling right back down. I monitored the prices frequently (on I-phone) and still managed to about 2/3 of my holdings at about 48% profit over cost (but duration is longer than 2.5yrs, but received good dividends from it) Though this meant I would receive less dividends from this dividend-rich counter but if prices fall right back to my target, I am ready to buy back again.
Its already June and yet I'm not even hitting the 1st investment target of $10k yet. Still far from it... just feel good that I realized the gain, before it slipped back to red. Still reeling from the redness of the sg stock market. Not left with much capital to buy when the prices reach the "bottom"... still trying to decide 'how low is low enough', before I buy a couple more lots. Am tempted to transfer money from personal reserve over but dont want to invest too much as it is already so... So many decisions to make. Yet I am very happy with making these compared to others.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
De Burg Burger
Its been a few tough weeks, esp with the fatique after work. I kept dozing off after dinner (sometimes after an Anchor Smooth) on the floor. Havent restarted gym yet. Neglecting guitar at the moment... Just so tired after work, cant do much else. I do wake up around 8-9pm feeling more refreshed. Then sometimes I would sleep earlier, sometimes I would stay up later. Nothing much to say about work. Things wont change...
On the personal front, today my dad, sister and I went to De Burg Burger at a coffeeshop in Ghim Moh. It was featured on the Sunday times several weeks back and I have been looking forward to heading there to try the gourmet burgers. I ordered the Crab burger with salted yolk (one of their speciality) Its very nice. Lots of crab meat, very tasty and the veg goes well with it. Just the fries werent that good. They have some unique offering like Choco Lamb, one with peanut-butter and this big tall burger (that is available weekends only) Maybe try those out eventually. There was another western food Ambroise in the same coffee shop that sells much cheaper western food with bigger portions, maybe give it a try next time.
We headed to Vivo and managed to get our dad to RWS via the sky train. Its really super hot there in the afternoon. The only thing I wanna do is to stay and hide in air con. Think to us it was a non-affair, to my dad, he went there for the first time.
I just watched cable tv after we reached home, Bones and Criminal Minds. Now settling some stuff online before the glorious weekend is over. Really not doing much, save going for the knee x-ray and queuing up 2.5hrs to get a consultation.
On the personal front, today my dad, sister and I went to De Burg Burger at a coffeeshop in Ghim Moh. It was featured on the Sunday times several weeks back and I have been looking forward to heading there to try the gourmet burgers. I ordered the Crab burger with salted yolk (one of their speciality) Its very nice. Lots of crab meat, very tasty and the veg goes well with it. Just the fries werent that good. They have some unique offering like Choco Lamb, one with peanut-butter and this big tall burger (that is available weekends only) Maybe try those out eventually. There was another western food Ambroise in the same coffee shop that sells much cheaper western food with bigger portions, maybe give it a try next time.
We headed to Vivo and managed to get our dad to RWS via the sky train. Its really super hot there in the afternoon. The only thing I wanna do is to stay and hide in air con. Think to us it was a non-affair, to my dad, he went there for the first time.
I just watched cable tv after we reached home, Bones and Criminal Minds. Now settling some stuff online before the glorious weekend is over. Really not doing much, save going for the knee x-ray and queuing up 2.5hrs to get a consultation.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Pek Ciak @ everything esp Work
I dunno really if there is only 1 factor, but I have been feeling very Pek Ciak at most things nowadays, especially so at work.
Thinking carefully through, there are many reasons for me feeling frustrated. The frustration is building up to the point that I am rather unsmiley and tired at work. I am trying to come to grips with the underlying issues and hopefully continue to do work without killing myself. I was so close on Friday to just giving in to the temptation of just dropping everything. Had that impulse to drop everything and just be free to sleep and do things that I like...
I've thought through and these are the issues:
1) The workplace is too rigid and sterile. No music to be played. Staffroom is pin-drop silence except for conversations in jap. I just wanna shut everything out at times. Imagine that is the only place to stay in from morning until evening, made even longer on days that I don't / can't go out for lunch meaning my work hours got even longer.
2) A local collegue is leaving. With her gone by the end of this month, the room that we usually hide out at would be gone, thus contributing to more unhappiness. Also I talk to her alot cos the other local collegue is on part-time. With her gone, I am left with myself from 3.30pm onwards. I am not really that sociable but its not easy to have conversations with other collegues about the most superfluous of things. I would rather talk to myself really.
3) The bloody term is super long. 16 weeks! My body is obviously still tuned to local duration of 10 weeks. By now, I am super tired. Facing the "Can it be holiday already" and starting to be plagued by illness due to fatique. Then its only just half way. Jap collegues cannot understand that even though I lived through 1 year of it doesnt mean that I am automatically able to tune my body to that. So the fatique is adding to my unhappiness.
4) The whole contract fisasco left me with a very negative impression and forebaring of this new year of working on full-load. What surprised me was how just adding "Homeroom" to my hours increased the amount of fatique so much more. It meant daily going into the classroom twice (in the morning b4 lessons and in the afternoon b4 dismissal) for 45mins to just be there. There's no role to play inside except just stand and stare. I have resorted to reading a storybook but at the back of my mind, its a great bloody waste of time. Time that could be better used to plan lessons, get Real work done, rest the tired mind and body especially on heavy days. Not let myself have interupted breaks. So I find myself being even more dissatisfied.
5) The whole increase in load for a measley pay increase which includes Home room and being thrown into a committee plus having to attend Subject meeting and that stupid Communication meeting meant that I am doing so much more than before. Even if for some, I am just there, but those all eat into my time and energy. I cant shake the dissatisfaction that I should be paid more for all these. On top of me planning lessons for my own subject.
6) Though they have said that they cant stop us from lunching out. The sheer no of periods on certain days in the timetable meant that I cant go out to eat. That automatically increases my dissatisfaction. Cos I am one of those who need a time-out away from work that lunching-out provides. Its a chance to get out of the place, have a meal, then come back to it. By lunching-in, its not helpful that I dont get to change the mood, also it meant I am just having a half hour lunch instead of an hour. All these just contribute to the feeling of "a fucking long day and week that never seems to end"...
7) Certain potential issues that my counterpart and I mentioned to Mgt regarding this plan for us to teach the subject as a main teacher are now appearing. Due to the practice of just letting each level decide on their own, how each level wants to carry out the course, meant that my counterpart is suffering. For my case, cos the head is more capable and interprets differently, so I havent encountered those. The issues I am unhappy about are the poor planning of the Communication, the added homeroom and my zhuo bo ness in the cca. In her level, her counterparts kept distributing everythng 1/3 to make things 'fair' including asking her to set part of the exam, listening.
The potential problems that we already raised includes the fact that translation and even setting of the exam papers, we cant help much. Mainly because of the fact of not knowing the syllabus (purely in jap) and also language itself. These are genuine concerns we raised. Guess what, they are not relayed down to the respective levels. Though my level is not affected cos I think my head understands this. Her level is encountering it cos things are left up to interpretation. Shouldnt some things be clearly written down? If it is meant to be a system to be set up, shouldnt there be guidelines instead of just leaving things to interpretation? Its very silly and very short-sighted. I am irriatated cos it could affect me also plus it made her seem like the 'bad guy' for raising issues and issues again. We are just instant trees to plug certain holes with very short term.
8) The stability of this job also worries me. Things change on a whim. People change every 2-3 years, a new bunch of people come and go. Each new batch has their own ideas. No system, even though they are trying to set up a system, I dont see any progress. It's one step forward then 2 steps backward. Plus the fact that Headless might not be around next year and alot of the competent including my head are returning. Makes me wonder if I still have a job next year. This instability is causing dissatisfaction too.
This also affects how hard I want to work. On one hand, I want to do my job well but as it may not lead anywhere, be it a decent pay raise or even a job gurantee. Its making me very uncertain.
So all these are at the back of my mind. So many issues. Headless was telling my counterpart that she knows that I am irritated at her with the planning, but she has no real power to make changes to some of these issues. She also said that most of them are unhappy.
Its so sad an environment where the system is non-existent, the work environment sucked, the collegues are miserable and unhappy, the work remumeration is not satisfying. The irony its not the teaching aspect, in fact the students are good and lessons are smooth, with little problems. Its the work environment and the people that perpetuate it. Its really sad in that manner. Otherwise I think I would just be contented to stay on and just maybe be contented.
I was toying with the idea of being part-time if there is renewal. I am increasingly kinda sick of doing the cca (very boh) and homeroom (very boh and time consuming) I rather forfeit the $500 difference, and the 1 month bonus, and make it back by doing outside tuition like my collegue suggested. I do have concerns, with regards to future job prospects if I am on part-time. It might affect when moving to other jobs (being single and supporting myself, as opposed to a young working mother) It still meant that I have to work at 2 jobs to make back the income. It meant taking up 2 more assignments doing twice a week. Its at times like this I am thinking about if there are better things to do so I dont have to work so hard to earn just that amount (that is not high by the average standard) It boils back down to feeling 'underpaid'
I remembered how last year, I had more time to bake and cook up something for them. But this year, I have little energy after work. The things I look forward to is lunch and then going home. Today, I decided to make a Rum and Raisins Ice Cream, freeze it in the freezer and bring maybe on Mon or Tue to work to perk everybody including myself up a bit. There's really nothing much in the staffroom to be excited about. Really. I know that its up to oneself to make oneself happier and things easier but sometimes its very hard. Hope they will like it. (There's quite a number of new collegues as a whole bunch of 7-8 staff left, most to return to Japan after 3 years here, some left cos contract not renewed) Kinda sad that time spent to build up certain ties and friendliness are not lasting. Everytime got new people, have to build up again... This fleeting form of working relationship is tiring to keep making and stuff.
Increasingly on especially tiring days, I find myself buying an "Anchor Smooth" beer to drink at dinner time to 'stop' my brain from thinking about all these issues. Its really nice tasting, like a Draft beer. Plus its really cheap! A non-chilled is about $1.80 per can. A chilled one is $2.30. I just bought a half dozen pack yesterday. I was feeling totally pek ciak after a week of the work issues and also guitar lesson was trying... drank one can on the bus ride back home. I actually headed to NTUC to buy food to make my breakfast. I threw a 6-pax Anchor Smooth into my basket, including ham, lettuce. Almost threw in 3 boxes of Magnum Mini cos its a dollar off usual. But luckily I refrained. Why 3 boxes? Apparently they come in 4 different boxes with 2 different flavours per box. Since I've tried the Liquer, there's still the Double chocolate and Double Caramel, the strawberry and choc, and another. Was tempted to buy them all so that I can eat all the flavours in a shot. Maybe that's just my lunch deprivation working again or just my shopping urge. My counterpart collegue was shocked by the sheer amount of canned drinks and snacks I bought to stock our cupboards. I bought 2.5 cartons of drinks, and 4 shopping bags full of snacks. I only drink the drinks, she snacks incessisently. She did pay me $40 for all the snacks and half of the drinks. I havent eaten even 1 small pack of snacks. Its mainly the canned drinks I drink though I tend towards Coke Zero mostly and just the occasional sugared soft drinks. Sighz I need to get back to doing a gym routine and diet soon. I've been eating too good food n need to watch the calories and fat content.
Thinking carefully through, there are many reasons for me feeling frustrated. The frustration is building up to the point that I am rather unsmiley and tired at work. I am trying to come to grips with the underlying issues and hopefully continue to do work without killing myself. I was so close on Friday to just giving in to the temptation of just dropping everything. Had that impulse to drop everything and just be free to sleep and do things that I like...
I've thought through and these are the issues:
1) The workplace is too rigid and sterile. No music to be played. Staffroom is pin-drop silence except for conversations in jap. I just wanna shut everything out at times. Imagine that is the only place to stay in from morning until evening, made even longer on days that I don't / can't go out for lunch meaning my work hours got even longer.
2) A local collegue is leaving. With her gone by the end of this month, the room that we usually hide out at would be gone, thus contributing to more unhappiness. Also I talk to her alot cos the other local collegue is on part-time. With her gone, I am left with myself from 3.30pm onwards. I am not really that sociable but its not easy to have conversations with other collegues about the most superfluous of things. I would rather talk to myself really.
3) The bloody term is super long. 16 weeks! My body is obviously still tuned to local duration of 10 weeks. By now, I am super tired. Facing the "Can it be holiday already" and starting to be plagued by illness due to fatique. Then its only just half way. Jap collegues cannot understand that even though I lived through 1 year of it doesnt mean that I am automatically able to tune my body to that. So the fatique is adding to my unhappiness.
4) The whole contract fisasco left me with a very negative impression and forebaring of this new year of working on full-load. What surprised me was how just adding "Homeroom" to my hours increased the amount of fatique so much more. It meant daily going into the classroom twice (in the morning b4 lessons and in the afternoon b4 dismissal) for 45mins to just be there. There's no role to play inside except just stand and stare. I have resorted to reading a storybook but at the back of my mind, its a great bloody waste of time. Time that could be better used to plan lessons, get Real work done, rest the tired mind and body especially on heavy days. Not let myself have interupted breaks. So I find myself being even more dissatisfied.
5) The whole increase in load for a measley pay increase which includes Home room and being thrown into a committee plus having to attend Subject meeting and that stupid Communication meeting meant that I am doing so much more than before. Even if for some, I am just there, but those all eat into my time and energy. I cant shake the dissatisfaction that I should be paid more for all these. On top of me planning lessons for my own subject.
6) Though they have said that they cant stop us from lunching out. The sheer no of periods on certain days in the timetable meant that I cant go out to eat. That automatically increases my dissatisfaction. Cos I am one of those who need a time-out away from work that lunching-out provides. Its a chance to get out of the place, have a meal, then come back to it. By lunching-in, its not helpful that I dont get to change the mood, also it meant I am just having a half hour lunch instead of an hour. All these just contribute to the feeling of "a fucking long day and week that never seems to end"...
7) Certain potential issues that my counterpart and I mentioned to Mgt regarding this plan for us to teach the subject as a main teacher are now appearing. Due to the practice of just letting each level decide on their own, how each level wants to carry out the course, meant that my counterpart is suffering. For my case, cos the head is more capable and interprets differently, so I havent encountered those. The issues I am unhappy about are the poor planning of the Communication, the added homeroom and my zhuo bo ness in the cca. In her level, her counterparts kept distributing everythng 1/3 to make things 'fair' including asking her to set part of the exam, listening.
The potential problems that we already raised includes the fact that translation and even setting of the exam papers, we cant help much. Mainly because of the fact of not knowing the syllabus (purely in jap) and also language itself. These are genuine concerns we raised. Guess what, they are not relayed down to the respective levels. Though my level is not affected cos I think my head understands this. Her level is encountering it cos things are left up to interpretation. Shouldnt some things be clearly written down? If it is meant to be a system to be set up, shouldnt there be guidelines instead of just leaving things to interpretation? Its very silly and very short-sighted. I am irriatated cos it could affect me also plus it made her seem like the 'bad guy' for raising issues and issues again. We are just instant trees to plug certain holes with very short term.
8) The stability of this job also worries me. Things change on a whim. People change every 2-3 years, a new bunch of people come and go. Each new batch has their own ideas. No system, even though they are trying to set up a system, I dont see any progress. It's one step forward then 2 steps backward. Plus the fact that Headless might not be around next year and alot of the competent including my head are returning. Makes me wonder if I still have a job next year. This instability is causing dissatisfaction too.
This also affects how hard I want to work. On one hand, I want to do my job well but as it may not lead anywhere, be it a decent pay raise or even a job gurantee. Its making me very uncertain.
So all these are at the back of my mind. So many issues. Headless was telling my counterpart that she knows that I am irritated at her with the planning, but she has no real power to make changes to some of these issues. She also said that most of them are unhappy.
Its so sad an environment where the system is non-existent, the work environment sucked, the collegues are miserable and unhappy, the work remumeration is not satisfying. The irony its not the teaching aspect, in fact the students are good and lessons are smooth, with little problems. Its the work environment and the people that perpetuate it. Its really sad in that manner. Otherwise I think I would just be contented to stay on and just maybe be contented.
I was toying with the idea of being part-time if there is renewal. I am increasingly kinda sick of doing the cca (very boh) and homeroom (very boh and time consuming) I rather forfeit the $500 difference, and the 1 month bonus, and make it back by doing outside tuition like my collegue suggested. I do have concerns, with regards to future job prospects if I am on part-time. It might affect when moving to other jobs (being single and supporting myself, as opposed to a young working mother) It still meant that I have to work at 2 jobs to make back the income. It meant taking up 2 more assignments doing twice a week. Its at times like this I am thinking about if there are better things to do so I dont have to work so hard to earn just that amount (that is not high by the average standard) It boils back down to feeling 'underpaid'
I remembered how last year, I had more time to bake and cook up something for them. But this year, I have little energy after work. The things I look forward to is lunch and then going home. Today, I decided to make a Rum and Raisins Ice Cream, freeze it in the freezer and bring maybe on Mon or Tue to work to perk everybody including myself up a bit. There's really nothing much in the staffroom to be excited about. Really. I know that its up to oneself to make oneself happier and things easier but sometimes its very hard. Hope they will like it. (There's quite a number of new collegues as a whole bunch of 7-8 staff left, most to return to Japan after 3 years here, some left cos contract not renewed) Kinda sad that time spent to build up certain ties and friendliness are not lasting. Everytime got new people, have to build up again... This fleeting form of working relationship is tiring to keep making and stuff.
Increasingly on especially tiring days, I find myself buying an "Anchor Smooth" beer to drink at dinner time to 'stop' my brain from thinking about all these issues. Its really nice tasting, like a Draft beer. Plus its really cheap! A non-chilled is about $1.80 per can. A chilled one is $2.30. I just bought a half dozen pack yesterday. I was feeling totally pek ciak after a week of the work issues and also guitar lesson was trying... drank one can on the bus ride back home. I actually headed to NTUC to buy food to make my breakfast. I threw a 6-pax Anchor Smooth into my basket, including ham, lettuce. Almost threw in 3 boxes of Magnum Mini cos its a dollar off usual. But luckily I refrained. Why 3 boxes? Apparently they come in 4 different boxes with 2 different flavours per box. Since I've tried the Liquer, there's still the Double chocolate and Double Caramel, the strawberry and choc, and another. Was tempted to buy them all so that I can eat all the flavours in a shot. Maybe that's just my lunch deprivation working again or just my shopping urge. My counterpart collegue was shocked by the sheer amount of canned drinks and snacks I bought to stock our cupboards. I bought 2.5 cartons of drinks, and 4 shopping bags full of snacks. I only drink the drinks, she snacks incessisently. She did pay me $40 for all the snacks and half of the drinks. I havent eaten even 1 small pack of snacks. Its mainly the canned drinks I drink though I tend towards Coke Zero mostly and just the occasional sugared soft drinks. Sighz I need to get back to doing a gym routine and diet soon. I've been eating too good food n need to watch the calories and fat content.
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