Finding Myself Again

I dunno exactly what happened but I'm not that motivated nor inspired this year. Been feeling blue n tired. Writing this while I try to figure out what are causing this; is it a sign of me having enough or is it just my fatigue (initial adjusting period to the increased periods) talking...I suspect it's a mix of both, just can't seem to figure out which is more dominant.

This increased fatigue n blue feeling makes me wanna drink more frequently than usual. Especially by Friday, I crave a drink of sort as a release. I think I better restart my home workout, which stopped for a while now. KM helps to drive the he's away on Mons and Tues but the later part, more blues build up then. 

After this final public holiday, I have to brave through until 31st July... By now I am feeling more fatigue than usual. I look around at the others. Two other female colleagues showed fatigue. The rest appears fine, or doesn't show on their faces. Mine was obvious especially when I was fighting off the virus on that day I nearly came down with a flu last week. Another colleague fell ill but came despite medication last week. One was on mc on Mon. Another came down with flu yesterday, absent today. Really making its round and I'm kinda strong to have last so far I guess. So far those sick are women. Dunno but guys then to rough it through until their health suffers. Unlike women.

So now I shall count my blessings, as a reminder that even if work is shitty, or I feel shitty, there are things I can be grateful for and not say 'the grass is greener on the other side', that other people's lives seemed so good. The truth is that everyone else's lives seemed better cos we only glimpse the surface and don't see the inner workings n problems n struggles.

1) Able-bodied - able to be mobile and earn my own keep.

2) relatively good health - lowered my BMI n improved my cholesterol levels

3) family around me n friends

4) with little debt or financial obligations though I don't have a car nor a house. Not sure if I can ever afford one...

5) trying to pursue some things on my list-to-do

Helps put things in perspective... doesn't it? Feels a bit better. Think I need to take a step back, breathe and remember these. Don't be tom caught up in the everyday living grit and dust and forget the bigger picture.

Very bad workweek, a bit sick / Weight loss

The work blues hit me rather hard this week.

Monday and Tuesday was jam-packed, that I didn't have time to go out to buy food. Got to dabao morning breakfast noodles and eat that instead. Kinda miserable. So intense... I also almost fell sick on Monday itself. But covered myself up with my jacket and by evening, I felt better. After KM, felt back to my normal self. The cycle repeated itself on Tuesday... this time, KM couldnt revive me. I reached home and knocked out by 9pm until the next morning.

Wednesday was a breather, much lighter and I didnt feel like preparing anything in advance... Kinda fed up and didnt want to do anything constructive. Went back home and rested more. Recovery day.

I was contemplating whether to go for another KM on Thursday but as I wore the guards from morning until evening (after KM), my knees started to itch so kena rashes. So I decided to give it a break and not go until the itchiness abates. Thursday was as siong as Friday but there's lunch inbetween so it helps make it more manageable.

Friday was another marathon, this time with no breaks inbetween unlike Thur. By the 4th class I was already seeing stars. To make it worse, due to time-table shift, I got to do another class right after lunch. Plus I had to check my form students' diary, write response and return on that day itself. Hectic. After dismissal, I just stoned and waited for time to go.

This week has been so hectic that I felt like getting a drink... I think I am really getting into the Korean Rice Beer (5%, 750ml @ $5.50) available from NTUC Finest. Its a nice drink, definitely enough volume. It doesnt cause me to get the cough the following day. I still have some bottles of Nest Beers that I would be consuming really slowly cos they give rise to phelgm.

For now, I havent taken anything alcoholic yet. Tempted but not yet.
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Yesterday I felt a bit under the weather. Had watery stools in the morning but didnt affect me during work (thank God) but after I munched the BFF, it kinda acted up again. I dont think the fries are to blamed, it could be just kinda pent-up from morning until evening then. So I wasnt up to staying out later. My dinner was the BFF fries that I ate. Didnt feel up to eating anything else. The irritating part is that I was feeling okay until it acted up. Then felt rather drained...

Also the new 'Clark Kent' glasses I got, I am not used to it, so kinda giving me tired eyes and a bit of headache. I went to the optician today to get it fixed up, was checked again but everything is like ok,  and was told could be my eyes are sensitive and need to give time to adjust to them. So it meant I have to wear that despite the potential of the discomfort and headache... I'll give it a chance cos I rather like it, except for the tired eyes and slight headache thingy. I am thinking that it might also be me being a bit unwell adding to it. So that headache part is a bit ambiguious what caused it. K will rest more today and tomorrow.
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On a positive note, this morning I stepped on the weighing scales after a couple of weeks' absence due to the buffets and munchies.

Lo and behold! I lost weight and I've reached a new low.

I was looking at my stomach, thought I would be heavier. That's great then. That means I've managed to somehow negate the damage from the 2 buffets, ramen, hotdogs n beers and stuff. Sometimes it's not that I eat unhealthy stuff, its that my appetite is big, such that I eat 2 bowls of rice at home. Or I'll eat like 4-5 meals at home. I guess the good thing is that home food is more healthy.

Recently I've tried char quay tiao, hokkien mee, KFC, burgers after a long absence. I guess after the health check-up, I kinda want to eat it cos it has really been a while for some of the food. But I have another insurance health check-up so at the back of my mind, I cannot over-indulge.

Yet on the other hand, I resorted to half-counting calories, half self control and food choice. Didnt exercise extra during this period of time, except for KM. Too tired from work to do so. Sometimes is to let the body recover from the aches of KM, sore knees, sometimes is tired, sometimes is dont feel up to it. So lucky I still have KM to force me to exercise.

Ramen & Ciders (paid the same price, but its a better deal than work parties)

I'm not sure how many females skipped out of the Female after-work party last night, but I suspect I'm the only one... Don't care too much.

Joined the rather long wait outside the Kesukei Tonkotsu (Pork) Ramen place outside Orchid Hotel. Saw the queue and joined in first while waiting for the rest to arrive. Quet came later by then, we've reached the front where there's seats. Just nice for my aching knees. This week I think I have been standing too many hours and climb up and down those bloody stairs too many times due to the classes and events that its really sore when I am trying to pull myself up using the railings as support... A concerned colleague offered me a spray for relief. I thanked him and told him I have lots of those muscle creams. Think I will be wearing both guards under my pants for the next week or so. Not just for KM...

When Candle arrived, we were still seated outside but could hand our orders to the server and later waited to be called in. The decor is almost identical to the Tori-On. But I guess Tori-On which is hte third restaurant is based on the idea of this restaurant. Within minutes of being seated, our orders came. Ate a generous serving of their pickled bean sprouts. The pork ramen is good too. But if you ask me which is better, I think the chicken one. Reason is simple, the chicken drumstick they gave is huge and with all toppings which comes with 2 big slices of pork, there's a lot of meat in the ramen. It makes for a heartier meal. The pork ramen comes with 2 slices of pork, the onsen egg, seaweed and the black fungus, is a slightly lighter meal cos of the lesser meat. My friends all know me to be a very meat and savory food person. So if I have to go for a good ramen next time, I'll go for the Tori-On. The meal cost me less than $20.

We finished and walked a very short distance to Lil Papa Wayne's. All 3 of us ordered ciders. I got the Perry pear cider (500ml) 7% alcohol, $16. To me, it tasted pretty good. Nice drink after a meal. So we relaxed, chatted a bit, sipped the cider. Then Candle and I ordered our second ciders. This time I got the Westons oak aged apple cider (500ml) 8.6% alcohol, $16. I think it's a pretty good cider too, considering the number I have tasted, based on original flavors instead of mixed ciders. We ordered and shared a hotdog. For me, cos the ramen is somewhat digested then so its nice to munch a small bite to break the monotony of just alcohol. Found out that Lil Papa Wayne is closing by the end of May and moving. The new location is still not decided but I have them on Facebook so will track them.

After we are done, Quet drove home. I walked with Candle to a nearby bus stop so she can get her bus without having to take the train elsewhere first. After that I walked to the opposing lane and hopped on a bus towards Vivo, then switched bus to reach home just before midnight.

In total, I spent about $60 last night. It would have been almost the same as the Female-party, but it's on dinner, alcoholic drinks that tasted much better than just Tiger beer and even a second bite - hotdog, plus with friends whom I can relax with and not be tensed up and be reminded of work. This is definitely more worth it.

Stuff in my life - miss the hols already...

Work is definitely getting harder, mainly boecos of the increased periods.

And irritatingly being put down for more stuff in this committee (that I have been wanting out of, to no avail) That committee put me down for quite a bit of events which obviously I don't like. I wanna be in those non-event committees instead. I don't plan to be an event-planner and have to coordinate stuff like food, performers and so on, so it's irritating when ur name is just put down. Really want out of these... Will express my strong displeasure verbally next time round. For now must learn how to siam as much. Not that some of the stuff is difficult but their way of decision-making style and pace is not conducive to doing events. Makes it more tiring for me.
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On a happier front, KM albeit a more painful one cos of the 360 def last Thur and my bruised right arm hadn't fully recovered yet, then tio another tonight. I made slightly fewer mistakes in the mass drill though still have many things to work on, still many mistakes elsewhere... I'm still learning.

Just when I thought I won't be pasting a medicated plaster on my arm for work like today and tio questions by colleagues n a couple of concerned students, n lots of quiet stares, I think I would end up with plasters on both arms though the Left is much much milder but still sore. Maybe cut a smaller piece instead. Sure tio more questions n stares.
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I have siamed another party, this time all-female, unknowingly. Candle is back n we agreed to eat ramen, maybe follow up with hotdog n beer if Quet can join us before n after. The party is on the same day. Phew... I really don't want to do women's talk or chat, feel so out n stiff also, not that much in common; thinking, stage in life, interests n etc. I can try to talk but it will revolve around meaningless topic like travel... Not keen n usually pricey or bad-deal. No thanks. I kena burnt too bad the last time I went.

The cost of these parties is enough for me to pay for my health insurance add-on cover. Then why should I folk out so much money on such bad deals n very reminds-me-of-work parties. I went for the first Welcome for the workplace. So far skipped purposely and incidentally (1) three workplaces combined welcome party, (2) the first level only party, (3) this all-female party.

I will choose to skip more this year. Last year I was burnt by the women's one n went for still too many level ones. Those after-work-events, I'll skip as many as I can. With KM n Chinese sinseh that already takes up 3 days, should be a piece of cake of sort. Plus I am going to add music soon, maybe drums first. Need to go for trial lesson.
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Been pigging out since my hols started, for about 5-6 days. Munchies really bad, cravings, bad food-choices, easily hungry and eat-a-lot... Bad combination. I dare not step on the weighing scale. Cleaned up my act today; ate all 3 meals and kept within the calorie-intake. I resorted to counting calories again. Had to exert a lot of control n make good food choices. Like for dinner I was tempted by fried chicken strips n milk tea. I ended up finally with a small caramel pudding drink (101 cal) before KM and after class, a Subway ham sandwich with cheese (341 cal), combined with the breakfast n lunch n apple snack, managed 1482 cals with 200 cals deficit plus I exercised through KM. Should be higher.

So just need to keep this up and continue on until end-Nov cos I think so have an insurance health check-up then. Need to clear up my waistline and total cholesterol levels a bit more. My most recent health check, my LDL dropped to healthy levels but cholesterol is just 9 points above optimal, hitting the borderline. See if I can use this period of time to make it lower still into the optimal range. I should cut my fried food drastically. Been lax about it. Think I'll weigh myself in 2 weeks time. This weekend, the 2 meals with friends are super sinful, so I shall really exercise at home. Think my knees can't take a 3rd KM this week. Think KB n conditioning will be good. Plus I can work on KM shadow fight. Need to restart my home workouts.

Carousel Buffet Reloaded

I jio Tab for a buffet, a tradition we have had for many years since we started as Educators. It's like a school holiday tradition at least once a year. Didn't matter that now we follow different academic calendar and hence different holidays. What matters was to go for a buffet, usually Suki Sushi and gorge ourselves silly n talk.

As Tab aptly mentioned, today's one is a big upgrade cos instead of Suki Sushi, that would have cost about $25+, we have gone upscale to Carousel Hi-Tea, that would set us about $50+ (with credit card discount, was $46)

The quality is definitely higher than our usual. This time round, I only targeted 2 main things to eat unlike the first time with my mom. I chose to eat lots of sashimi and prawns. I also had space for dessert n chocolate fondue which I didn't eat the previous time. I also had this tuna salad with couis-couis (dunno how to spell that) a sort of grain that features in Middle-eastern cuisine.

I actually counted what I ate; 31 slices of salmon, 11 tuna, 1 tai and 13 prawns, a generous serving of the tuna salad with couis-couis, baby potatoes and for dessert; all small slices of brownie, chocolate cake, chocolate moouse, coffee chocolate moouse, peacan pie and for the fondue, 6-7 small puffs, 4 small sponge cakes and 3 small cubes of cake all dipped generously in Green Tea Chocolate. I wanted to put a cup into the fountain to scoop out the chocolate but that might get me banned so I made sure my stuff were generously covered so much that quite a bit also landed on my plate. So my coated selection were sitting in a big puddle of Green Tea Chocolate. Yummy! Cos of that I didn't have to go to MBS and aim their GT Royce chocs. Satisfied with that. Drank cups of tea there and even after reaching home. Now making another cup.

Forget about calories at that point. I'll aim for simpler and plainer food in my remaining GW. Tomorrow I shall aim to do some KB n triceps dips to compensate. At least by today, I have mostly recovered from the sore muscles from KM earlier in the week.

Walked with Tab until near OG before we parted ways. I walked until near Haw Par building to hop on my bus. On the journey, felt bloated. Reached home, made thick tea, drank and fell asleep. Woke up, think most of the food is digested, though still a bit full. Hence another cup of strong tea.

Tab's suggestion was to go for this very attas and hence of course even more expensive champagne buffet, sometime before August. It's pricey but those once in a life-time thingy. Plus DF has a 50% deal for 2. Hmm... We would have to watch our diets very strictly until then. Plus wanted to rub FH in the face with our weight loss to 'pressure' him to pay us instead of that Caveman routine he dined up for.

So our salvage work starts tomorrow to undo today's damage. Until the next buffet, have to eat more consciously n exercise =)

Golden Week

Lost the while post using my Galaxy, dunno why that stupid post won't post... Stupid Blog-android.

Never mind, I'll be briefer.

Wed - Start of the Golden Week n also Labor Day. Glad for the reprieve cos of the much increased periods. Stayed at home, ate the delicious and generous amount of chicken strips from BBQ Chicken. Very good-for-money value. 2 sides and 7 bug strips for just $6.90. My sis's treat. I'll eat that next time after KM. Stayed at home reading the storybooks and resting my sore muscles from the two consecutive KM, Mon n Tue. Tue was about punching. There's odd no so I end up doing with the instructor for a while and then using that dummy. But cos my 'partner' don't need to take turns, so I did double. It was interesting, 4 strikes; jab, cross, hook and upper cut. I got excellent aerobic workout.

Thur - changed of plans of the buffet so my day is freed up. Decided to go for the 3rd KM this week. If the next 8 weeks, I kept it up twice a week, I'll hit 51 out of
60 for the package, averaging $20 per lesson. If there's any package offer, might take up another set. Can save quite a bit. For now, I still have 2 months with 25 sessions.

I actually headed out about 10am plus. Ate mee pok n coffee breakfast and headed to Jcube. The plan was to watch Iron-Man 3. I stopped by the bank first to deposit my sis's money into the household account to avoid being nagged by Dad. As I walked towards the ticketing booth, I didn't realize 2 students were walking towards me, otherwise I might have done my ninja-avoidance. I was looking at the sword n armor displayed at Caesar's though it was closed then. Then I realized there's some noise, looked over, 2 students were surprised to see me. They were in the same level as me last year but not my direct students, no wonder I didn't spot them so easily. Just smiled, waved and asked what were they doing there. One's brother was skating, n both of them were shopping around. I told them I was watching a movie. Waved, smiled and I headed to buy the ticket.

Then I got out of Jcube to the library n aborted the plan to walk inside to avoid meeting them. Jcube is really small. Went to the library, returned books and browsed. That took up quite a bit of time. With 5mins to spare, I went to the toilet then went to the cinema to see that the movie started on time. Missed a couple of minutes but watched the rest. It was funnier than the previous ones but I think the plot is weaker. Music is nice and there's something extra at the end o the credits.

While I was in the bank earlier, I was thinking about whether I should take the opportunity to open a Cash Gold Saving Acc cos after this Golden Week, there ain't gonna be any more hols until Aug. plus opening an account takes a much longer time than transacting at the counters. Though gold price had risen some by now, the last time I snuck out to transact at the bank counters didn't take too long cos I had my CPF one set up. After the movie, I decided to go open one and plonk in the $5k I owe my Dad for the upgrading but payable in 3 years time inside. So any investment gains would help me off-set against the capital $5k. I had to put in a bit more to get a round number in terms of grams and also an extra buffer of 5g in anticipation of the bank annual charges. It took an hour, of which 45mins was waiting...

After that I went to eat my lunch, very hungry by then, almost 3.30pm. So I went to this fried noodles stall and ordered Fried Kway Tiao (ages since I had one) and then I added a plate of Oyster omelette... Ate both with Coke Zero. There goes my calories, definitely busted cos that was just breakfast n lunch. Dinner I ate a lot at home plus a milk tea, gone liao.

Went to the loo before heading back and lo & behold, saw the 2 students. Waved and smiled. After that I siamed out n went to a nearby NTUC outside to buy a 1.5litre of Oolong tea to guzzle. All those oil...

Reached home about 5pm and had an hour before I had to leave at 6pm for KM. Today's quite ok though it's 360... My forearms ouchy. Today recap, then moved to with knife n also a disengaging variation. I didn't do those well, but my looking at the chin level using peripheral vision is better. Still have lots to work on... Tonight need to paste big pieces of medicated plaster on both arms.

Look forward to buffet tomorrow. I shall eat a super-lite breakfast n wait until tea-time to eat a 'linner'.

The trial lesson for drums would have to try on another week instead. I'll think about what to do. Some reading, tidying, conditioning n exercise after so much food food. Sleep is also good. Really dislike my Dad n his TV n DVD portable player...

I know Mon, I'll still be heading for KM as usual.