Thursday, May 23, 2013

Finding Myself Again

I dunno exactly what happened but I'm not that motivated nor inspired this year. Been feeling blue n tired. Writing this while I try to figure out what are causing this; is it a sign of me having enough or is it just my fatigue (initial adjusting period to the increased periods) talking...I suspect it's a mix of both, just can't seem to figure out which is more dominant.

This increased fatigue n blue feeling makes me wanna drink more frequently than usual. Especially by Friday, I crave a drink of sort as a release. I think I better restart my home workout, which stopped for a while now. KM helps to drive the he's away on Mons and Tues but the later part, more blues build up then. 

After this final public holiday, I have to brave through until 31st July... By now I am feeling more fatigue than usual. I look around at the others. Two other female colleagues showed fatigue. The rest appears fine, or doesn't show on their faces. Mine was obvious especially when I was fighting off the virus on that day I nearly came down with a flu last week. Another colleague fell ill but came despite medication last week. One was on mc on Mon. Another came down with flu yesterday, absent today. Really making its round and I'm kinda strong to have last so far I guess. So far those sick are women. Dunno but guys then to rough it through until their health suffers. Unlike women.

So now I shall count my blessings, as a reminder that even if work is shitty, or I feel shitty, there are things I can be grateful for and not say 'the grass is greener on the other side', that other people's lives seemed so good. The truth is that everyone else's lives seemed better cos we only glimpse the surface and don't see the inner workings n problems n struggles.

1) Able-bodied - able to be mobile and earn my own keep.
2) relatively good health - lowered my BMI n improved my cholesterol levels
3) family around me n friends
4) with little debt or financial obligations though I don't have a car nor a house. Not sure if I can ever afford one...
5) trying to pursue some things on my list-to-do

Helps put things in perspective... doesn't it? Feels a bit better. Think I need to take a step back, breathe and remember these. Don't be tom caught up in the everyday living grit and dust and forget the bigger picture.

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