Countdown...
Tuesday
What a long 7 days. One more down. Let just say today is not a good day, and its not even decent. I am so sian, P5 class bored dunno whether they learning, P4 class havoc to control, do things behind my back, not paying attention. Lets just say at the end of both classes, I went to get a starfruit juice drink and sat behind the building to drink. Sitting at the pavement with drain to try to cool down. Cos pent up anger is bad for health. Tried to relax and sms while sitting there. Managed to cool down and not keep it inside.
Wednesday
On my 2nd MC after 9 weeks. Had a very bad night, woke up 3-4 times in the middle of the night inspite of sleeping at 11pm. Then woke up with a dizziness, frontal headache, sore throat and semi-blocked nose. Didnt feel that I have it in me to go through one more day as there is meeting today, a long day, so I called in sick. Then slept for a few hours more, saw the doctor, got my medicine, mc and went home. Ate and maple a bit. Slept, woke up ate dinner. Now blogging, chatting online. Tom lessons all not looked at though they are at the back of my head. I am just counting down. Hanging in there. 6 more weekdays. Later will peep at lessons for tomorrow. For now just resting and relaxing.
It is ironic that though we all have 24hrs in a day, time feels relatively short to most. Yet when we are working, there is so little time, and when we are free, we dont know how to kill the time. But now how I wish to have some free time. Days where I dun have to work and can do whatever I want. Not just weekends with other commitments. Guess I miss the drinking coffee and watching others passing busily by part.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Friday, April 21, 2006
Countdown begins...
As what the title means, its that time when the countdown to going down to single number digits. Actually after today its 9 more weekdays to go. Too bad election is not on a weekday otherwise it would have very much shortened the 9 days.
Nothing much happening except no more stress from observations anymore. Got the feedback for the last two this week. For english, a huge surprise that it was a pretty good and effective lesson though still can be improved upon. I did not expect to get a couple of 'proficient' from my eng ct at all. Maths was not as good, mostly acceptables. BUT a common improvement for me is that my lessons tend to be dry. Suggestion to include humor, more task-orientated etc. Okay so I AM A BORING PERSON.
Well if I could talk about games, animation I'll bet many students can relate to that. BUT that is not beneficial at all. Maybe use that tactic my previous mentor, M uses, ie talk cock to them. So that at least they dun fall asleep and are interested to listen. Maybe I should pepper my speech with lots of crap inside. Hope students remember content and not the crap.
Anyway I got one more lesson for the day before I can say 9 more days left. Hope that it would be interesting enough for the class. Am looking forward to weekends. BUT sadly, I have NO appointments on Friday evenings. So mostly stay at home to sleep or maple. So lonely... so lonely.
As what the title means, its that time when the countdown to going down to single number digits. Actually after today its 9 more weekdays to go. Too bad election is not on a weekday otherwise it would have very much shortened the 9 days.
Nothing much happening except no more stress from observations anymore. Got the feedback for the last two this week. For english, a huge surprise that it was a pretty good and effective lesson though still can be improved upon. I did not expect to get a couple of 'proficient' from my eng ct at all. Maths was not as good, mostly acceptables. BUT a common improvement for me is that my lessons tend to be dry. Suggestion to include humor, more task-orientated etc. Okay so I AM A BORING PERSON.
Well if I could talk about games, animation I'll bet many students can relate to that. BUT that is not beneficial at all. Maybe use that tactic my previous mentor, M uses, ie talk cock to them. So that at least they dun fall asleep and are interested to listen. Maybe I should pepper my speech with lots of crap inside. Hope students remember content and not the crap.
Anyway I got one more lesson for the day before I can say 9 more days left. Hope that it would be interesting enough for the class. Am looking forward to weekends. BUT sadly, I have NO appointments on Friday evenings. So mostly stay at home to sleep or maple. So lonely... so lonely.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Final observation and I'm just glad that its over.
Today, wed marks the end of 8 observations by my 2 CTs. Had my last maths yesterday and english one today. How did it go? Well not so good for both... But I felt my maths still better than my english one. Maths was more of the moving from fraction to fraction of a set conceptual understanding problem but english today was more of dunno why the activity did not go as intended and whether any learning has taken place. Screw NEI for training me so lousily... If I could teach from tb instead of have to try to 'showcase' some innovative, engaging lesson, I think they would have learnt more but yet I wouldnt do well in the observation but when I tried, not sure if I did any better. What an irony!!!
Anyway I am too feeling too ampathical at the moment to care or dwell upon it. Though both cts have not gotten back to me regarding the feedback for the observations, most probably going ot do so this afternoon, I am not borthered. Just too tired to care. Yesterday around 4pm, I crashed and slept until 9.30pm before I woke up, ate, play maple then slept at 12am. Still not enough sleep, still feel lethargic this morning. Am feeling the 'seh-ness' from built-up fatigue. Cant wait for the weekends to come. Luckily jap test postponed, so there is still time to study. Wanted to do so yesterday but just concuss.
Man I am possibly turning into an alcoholic. Whenever I want to destress, the thing that comes to mind if I ever go out, would be a drink. Not necessary a lot but just a few sips or a glass. It could be a beer or a gin or a garliano. Sign. I want a drink. Since coke is a no-no for me now, turn to drinks?
This sat intend to watch movie with tab, dun even remember the last movie I actually watched. Was it charlie and the chocolate factory or batman??? God how long ago was that? *shocks* Time passes so quickly...
Today, wed marks the end of 8 observations by my 2 CTs. Had my last maths yesterday and english one today. How did it go? Well not so good for both... But I felt my maths still better than my english one. Maths was more of the moving from fraction to fraction of a set conceptual understanding problem but english today was more of dunno why the activity did not go as intended and whether any learning has taken place. Screw NEI for training me so lousily... If I could teach from tb instead of have to try to 'showcase' some innovative, engaging lesson, I think they would have learnt more but yet I wouldnt do well in the observation but when I tried, not sure if I did any better. What an irony!!!
Anyway I am too feeling too ampathical at the moment to care or dwell upon it. Though both cts have not gotten back to me regarding the feedback for the observations, most probably going ot do so this afternoon, I am not borthered. Just too tired to care. Yesterday around 4pm, I crashed and slept until 9.30pm before I woke up, ate, play maple then slept at 12am. Still not enough sleep, still feel lethargic this morning. Am feeling the 'seh-ness' from built-up fatigue. Cant wait for the weekends to come. Luckily jap test postponed, so there is still time to study. Wanted to do so yesterday but just concuss.
Man I am possibly turning into an alcoholic. Whenever I want to destress, the thing that comes to mind if I ever go out, would be a drink. Not necessary a lot but just a few sips or a glass. It could be a beer or a gin or a garliano. Sign. I want a drink. Since coke is a no-no for me now, turn to drinks?
This sat intend to watch movie with tab, dun even remember the last movie I actually watched. Was it charlie and the chocolate factory or batman??? God how long ago was that? *shocks* Time passes so quickly...
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Nice to meet up
Today met up with NEI friends, specifically english gp mates whom decided that we all needed to chill out so we met up. Well I arrived later than them cos I went after jap class and they met up at 6pm. When I arrived at Fish & Co at Wheelock later and through dinner, I heard a lot of common complaints and discussions of lesson ideas. Oh well there goes chilling out. The highlight of dinner must be that alcoholic drink I ordered. Priced at only $6, a gin lime drink, green colour, forgot the name but last year for krynnder's bdae, when we celebrated at Fish&Co we did order it. So what about it?
Well let's just say after dinner, my world was moving a bit... And it was only one glass. We went to the toy shop just beside Fish & Co and looked at the toys. I was really chilled out at the point, the alcohol working through the system. Wonder how much gin did they actually pour into that one glass? Must be a big slip of the hand. Lets just say after dinner, we went to Coffee club at Taka and waited for about 10mins which by the time we sat down, my world stopped moving. Then ordered a vanilla milkshake which is good with a thick scoop of ice-cream in the middle. Definitely nicer than Macs one but more than double the price though. Then more talks, this time about travel, taxes, being underpaid. And we went off about 10.30pm, rather early for this night owl but then again this night owl has been sleeping around 10.30pm-11.30pm daily and waking up at 5am, turn to sleep and wake at 6am. A daily torture. Anyway I did enjoy the short evening dinner. A nice and easy chill-out.
Today met up with NEI friends, specifically english gp mates whom decided that we all needed to chill out so we met up. Well I arrived later than them cos I went after jap class and they met up at 6pm. When I arrived at Fish & Co at Wheelock later and through dinner, I heard a lot of common complaints and discussions of lesson ideas. Oh well there goes chilling out. The highlight of dinner must be that alcoholic drink I ordered. Priced at only $6, a gin lime drink, green colour, forgot the name but last year for krynnder's bdae, when we celebrated at Fish&Co we did order it. So what about it?
Well let's just say after dinner, my world was moving a bit... And it was only one glass. We went to the toy shop just beside Fish & Co and looked at the toys. I was really chilled out at the point, the alcohol working through the system. Wonder how much gin did they actually pour into that one glass? Must be a big slip of the hand. Lets just say after dinner, we went to Coffee club at Taka and waited for about 10mins which by the time we sat down, my world stopped moving. Then ordered a vanilla milkshake which is good with a thick scoop of ice-cream in the middle. Definitely nicer than Macs one but more than double the price though. Then more talks, this time about travel, taxes, being underpaid. And we went off about 10.30pm, rather early for this night owl but then again this night owl has been sleeping around 10.30pm-11.30pm daily and waking up at 5am, turn to sleep and wake at 6am. A daily torture. Anyway I did enjoy the short evening dinner. A nice and easy chill-out.
Yup having some outside activity helps...
On wednesday, I went to see the sensei to treat my stomache and cough. After work and meeting, I went there with my mom and sis. When he diagnosed, he said that I am suffering from extreme 'heatiness' which is aggravated by stress and the pent-up anxiety ie peh chek which is why I am running to the toilet more frequently than my usual routine. So basically, I have to learn to relax, no chicken, chilli, cold drinks, fried food. [Suddenly almost all my food are no no :( ]
When I reached home, I immediately went to maple for a few hours instead of my self-imposed 1hr and I did feel better (Problem is I am not mapling enough...) Read some comics, feel good also, chatted with parents and sisters, also felt better. Studied 1 chpt for impending jap test too. That day, though I had not done up my lp, I just decided to go in after looking at the wb lp and just teach based on that. I am not doing that until tomorrow, also that day I had done up 2 lps during work so no more for that day.
I totally agree with Tab that having a hobby or some outside activity helps cheer one up. It may take a few days to pick oneself up but instead of wallowing in self-pity, I could continue on, with better health and a more positive attitude. I hope to be able to pick myself up and improve my health also.
Side not, I may lose some more weight from the strict diet I am having... From that extra 5kg I gained before going into nie, I've lost 3kg. Just another 4kg to ideal weight. Maybe I should stick to this diet... no chicken, no chilli, no fried food, no cold carbonated drinks.... Sign been eating porridge for a fair bit now but of course nothing beats home-cooked meals. Love my mom's cooking.
Thursday burnt cos of event, sports day. Well the good thing was it was half day of work but had to stay until 5pm. I came back near 6pm and just dozed off until friday.
Friday, I had wanted to go out but it rained heavily, so stayed home to maple, read storybooks, help mom cook a bit, sleep. Simple pleasures of life. Been having cravings for kfc, but cannot eat. Oh well ended up eating mash potatoe instead while my sister devoured the huge fried chicken... Well at least i did something constructive, studied another few chpts for jap. I intend to do a bit more cos next week I will be busy.
The last 2 observations are coming on tue and wed. Sup coming for final assessement on friday. So I need to just put up 2 more show... at least to improve from my previous ones, imputting all that I have learnt from previous obs. If it is still not enough, well then I have nothing more to say. I did not think I am the best trainee, of course there were much better ones before me. I can only say that I tried with my best efforts with what I know and learnt from NEI. Sorry to say but not much also so alot of improvisions but still I tried. Just wish to pass without having to repeat again. Keeping fingers crossed.
On wednesday, I went to see the sensei to treat my stomache and cough. After work and meeting, I went there with my mom and sis. When he diagnosed, he said that I am suffering from extreme 'heatiness' which is aggravated by stress and the pent-up anxiety ie peh chek which is why I am running to the toilet more frequently than my usual routine. So basically, I have to learn to relax, no chicken, chilli, cold drinks, fried food. [Suddenly almost all my food are no no :( ]
When I reached home, I immediately went to maple for a few hours instead of my self-imposed 1hr and I did feel better (Problem is I am not mapling enough...) Read some comics, feel good also, chatted with parents and sisters, also felt better. Studied 1 chpt for impending jap test too. That day, though I had not done up my lp, I just decided to go in after looking at the wb lp and just teach based on that. I am not doing that until tomorrow, also that day I had done up 2 lps during work so no more for that day.
I totally agree with Tab that having a hobby or some outside activity helps cheer one up. It may take a few days to pick oneself up but instead of wallowing in self-pity, I could continue on, with better health and a more positive attitude. I hope to be able to pick myself up and improve my health also.
Side not, I may lose some more weight from the strict diet I am having... From that extra 5kg I gained before going into nie, I've lost 3kg. Just another 4kg to ideal weight. Maybe I should stick to this diet... no chicken, no chilli, no fried food, no cold carbonated drinks.... Sign been eating porridge for a fair bit now but of course nothing beats home-cooked meals. Love my mom's cooking.
Thursday burnt cos of event, sports day. Well the good thing was it was half day of work but had to stay until 5pm. I came back near 6pm and just dozed off until friday.
Friday, I had wanted to go out but it rained heavily, so stayed home to maple, read storybooks, help mom cook a bit, sleep. Simple pleasures of life. Been having cravings for kfc, but cannot eat. Oh well ended up eating mash potatoe instead while my sister devoured the huge fried chicken... Well at least i did something constructive, studied another few chpts for jap. I intend to do a bit more cos next week I will be busy.
The last 2 observations are coming on tue and wed. Sup coming for final assessement on friday. So I need to just put up 2 more show... at least to improve from my previous ones, imputting all that I have learnt from previous obs. If it is still not enough, well then I have nothing more to say. I did not think I am the best trainee, of course there were much better ones before me. I can only say that I tried with my best efforts with what I know and learnt from NEI. Sorry to say but not much also so alot of improvisions but still I tried. Just wish to pass without having to repeat again. Keeping fingers crossed.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Feeling Lost again...
*warning, deep heavy thoughts and issues that writer is currently feeling intensely*
Nowadays I go to work with a heavy heart. In fact the night around eight or nine, my thoughts drift back to work tomorrow. "How should I do this, teach this concept etc, where to get my newspaper article etc" Then I feel very sian. Cos my thoughts are somewhat dominated by observations, lesson plans and other teaching issues. Yet I dun want to think about them in my spare time BUT then again I am 'forced' to do so because there are things to get done.
Underlying this feeling of lost seems to be several unresolved issues or worries. I am still trying to figure them out so dun mind the gibberish.
Maybe one aspect would be this search for something meaningful for me. I want to do something I like. Yet I really wonder if the job I am currently having is really the ONE I wanted? Maybe I am just bored. The workplace is somewhere I have been for almost a year. There is nothing very new or exciting for me. There are still things to learn but not as much as going to somewhere else. Yet that cannot answer this emptiness entirely. Then within the job, I am having doubts of my ability to do a decebt job. Being told that I am too chalk-talk doesnt help this at all too. So somewhat I am a bit discouraged... Yet on a deeper level, I am tired. Mentally and emotionally. Why? Cos I struggle with this emptiness and feeling of lost and sometimes I wonder if there is any meaning in anything at all, and try to pinpoint exactly what I would like to do... So it gets pretty tiring after a while. Why cant I numb myself. Just get on with the drugeries of life, just get through the routine? Why even struggle against things u cannot change immediately? Yet I struggled. And got pretty tired. I guess I will always struggle cos I want freedom. The freedom of choice. Yet sometimes I wonder if this choice of choosing this job was really mine in the first place: not another one planted to me sublimally, something done due to the expectations of others, a choice out of necessity than real choice. Somehow when I look in, I am not sure this was entirely my own choice. Then at work, no choice got to do and finish certain things though I dun even feel like doing eg doing up lesson plans, wrecking my brains for ideas to impress... or to better improve. I guess I am tired of thinking, of reflecting and of doing. But then again who wouldnt want to have more free time.
Yet when I reached home, somehow I am not able to detached work. Am doing work on weekends especially Sundays. Sometimes Saturdays too. My weekends dun feel like weekends anymore. Work encroaches upon it. My free time on weekdays are not much. Reached home around three. Time is taken up by a hour nap, then as soon as I wake up, would start thinking of work issues, lessons. Yet I would not start to do anything, just thinking. Mostly not starting as I couldnt make up my mind on some issues, a sort of paralysis is happening here. It is starting to get to me. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not working 24/7 so shouldnt think about work during my personal time. Like I cannot enjoy anything cos at the back of my mind are these thoughts of work, and even before I fall asleep, work do creep up in my mind, worse still when I wake up the next day. Am I gong mental? Yet the irony is that at my workplace, I am having this mood that I dun feel like doing anything. Well still marked and stuff but my preparations for lesson plans are starting to lag behind. I wonder if this is from the anxiety of the last 2 observations that I would still have to get through? Some sort of ampathy cum anxiety. I've asked the other trainee with me. She shares alot of similar thoughts and feelings and the general tiredness. Occupational hazard?
For now I still cannot pinpoint what exactly is bothering me... There are many issues happening concurrently. Will I be happier elsewhere? Dunno but I do know that if I can stop working. I will stop thinking about all these issues. Am I having some break-down? Maybe just work fatique? Or just trying to break away from the societal chains that bounds my free spirit to a job and an income?
I seek some answers. Do share your thoughts on these issues with me. I think I need some advice...
*warning, deep heavy thoughts and issues that writer is currently feeling intensely*
Nowadays I go to work with a heavy heart. In fact the night around eight or nine, my thoughts drift back to work tomorrow. "How should I do this, teach this concept etc, where to get my newspaper article etc" Then I feel very sian. Cos my thoughts are somewhat dominated by observations, lesson plans and other teaching issues. Yet I dun want to think about them in my spare time BUT then again I am 'forced' to do so because there are things to get done.
Underlying this feeling of lost seems to be several unresolved issues or worries. I am still trying to figure them out so dun mind the gibberish.
Maybe one aspect would be this search for something meaningful for me. I want to do something I like. Yet I really wonder if the job I am currently having is really the ONE I wanted? Maybe I am just bored. The workplace is somewhere I have been for almost a year. There is nothing very new or exciting for me. There are still things to learn but not as much as going to somewhere else. Yet that cannot answer this emptiness entirely. Then within the job, I am having doubts of my ability to do a decebt job. Being told that I am too chalk-talk doesnt help this at all too. So somewhat I am a bit discouraged... Yet on a deeper level, I am tired. Mentally and emotionally. Why? Cos I struggle with this emptiness and feeling of lost and sometimes I wonder if there is any meaning in anything at all, and try to pinpoint exactly what I would like to do... So it gets pretty tiring after a while. Why cant I numb myself. Just get on with the drugeries of life, just get through the routine? Why even struggle against things u cannot change immediately? Yet I struggled. And got pretty tired. I guess I will always struggle cos I want freedom. The freedom of choice. Yet sometimes I wonder if this choice of choosing this job was really mine in the first place: not another one planted to me sublimally, something done due to the expectations of others, a choice out of necessity than real choice. Somehow when I look in, I am not sure this was entirely my own choice. Then at work, no choice got to do and finish certain things though I dun even feel like doing eg doing up lesson plans, wrecking my brains for ideas to impress... or to better improve. I guess I am tired of thinking, of reflecting and of doing. But then again who wouldnt want to have more free time.
Yet when I reached home, somehow I am not able to detached work. Am doing work on weekends especially Sundays. Sometimes Saturdays too. My weekends dun feel like weekends anymore. Work encroaches upon it. My free time on weekdays are not much. Reached home around three. Time is taken up by a hour nap, then as soon as I wake up, would start thinking of work issues, lessons. Yet I would not start to do anything, just thinking. Mostly not starting as I couldnt make up my mind on some issues, a sort of paralysis is happening here. It is starting to get to me. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not working 24/7 so shouldnt think about work during my personal time. Like I cannot enjoy anything cos at the back of my mind are these thoughts of work, and even before I fall asleep, work do creep up in my mind, worse still when I wake up the next day. Am I gong mental? Yet the irony is that at my workplace, I am having this mood that I dun feel like doing anything. Well still marked and stuff but my preparations for lesson plans are starting to lag behind. I wonder if this is from the anxiety of the last 2 observations that I would still have to get through? Some sort of ampathy cum anxiety. I've asked the other trainee with me. She shares alot of similar thoughts and feelings and the general tiredness. Occupational hazard?
For now I still cannot pinpoint what exactly is bothering me... There are many issues happening concurrently. Will I be happier elsewhere? Dunno but I do know that if I can stop working. I will stop thinking about all these issues. Am I having some break-down? Maybe just work fatique? Or just trying to break away from the societal chains that bounds my free spirit to a job and an income?
I seek some answers. Do share your thoughts on these issues with me. I think I need some advice...
Saturday, April 08, 2006
| Your Lucky Underwear is Green |
 Good idea. Maybe all I need is a change of underwear colour to relax and tone down ;P |
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Feeling better now. Try not to take things too seriously and hard or personally. Now a bit too sickly to care... I will take that in my stride and continue trying.
Currently suffering from diahorea and persistent coughing. Dunno Y am I so sickly???? What did I do in my previous life to have such a weak constituency? Why is it after suffering from flu in early march, having just seen the doctor last friday, this week I am stricken with bad stomaches since sunday. Been diahoreaing for a few times each day, more than my usual routine. Its even worse now... Walao! In staffroom at my Artic belt, I felt so cold that I switched off the aircon which was blowing at me. But up in class, got a coughing fit. But today math observation think okay though havent gotten feedback.
Now my stomache lets off funny growling sounds... and I am contemplating how to live my life to the fullest. Someone once said that if you have lead ur life to the fullest, then if one should suddenly die, there would be no regrets. But currently if I were to die, I would regret like hell.
Argh, why didnt I play more Maple? Why didnt I go bio more shuai ges? Why havent I spent more time with family and friends? Why did I live so unhappily? and very importantly!!! Why didnt I sleep more?
So for the past two days, I have been refusing to do work once I reached home. Just stoning around, going out with sisters to buy groceries, reading comics, lazing around and nursing my upset stomach, talking a bit with mom and dad, surfing a bit of the net. Taking things easy for a while.
At work, not that I am not trying to relax. I would go and surf the net for a short while and check emails. But unlike previously, this time no close collegue to really 'talk' to, except the other trainee with me. SO somewhat I feel very 'repressed' and cant seem to find things to joke about. My seat is too cold to hang around. The computer also cannot sit all day. No other places to go to. So feel a bit lost on how to spend the time. So work work work then once finish, run home.
Intend to maple a bit then sleep lor. I did maple last friday and sat and it felt real good to do something I liked and enjoyed. Just feel tired and sleepy and a bit ill now. Now I look forward to Jap classes though I might most likely sprout some nonsense to the amusement of Tab. BUT argh... test coming. And I no mood to study. How lah? Shinimasu! Think I'll go mapling for a short while now. Good news is Grey is still alive! Its only the headphones that are spoilt. Went all the way to Jurong east leh today. Could have gone out instead...
Currently suffering from diahorea and persistent coughing. Dunno Y am I so sickly???? What did I do in my previous life to have such a weak constituency? Why is it after suffering from flu in early march, having just seen the doctor last friday, this week I am stricken with bad stomaches since sunday. Been diahoreaing for a few times each day, more than my usual routine. Its even worse now... Walao! In staffroom at my Artic belt, I felt so cold that I switched off the aircon which was blowing at me. But up in class, got a coughing fit. But today math observation think okay though havent gotten feedback.
Now my stomache lets off funny growling sounds... and I am contemplating how to live my life to the fullest. Someone once said that if you have lead ur life to the fullest, then if one should suddenly die, there would be no regrets. But currently if I were to die, I would regret like hell.
Argh, why didnt I play more Maple? Why didnt I go bio more shuai ges? Why havent I spent more time with family and friends? Why did I live so unhappily? and very importantly!!! Why didnt I sleep more?
So for the past two days, I have been refusing to do work once I reached home. Just stoning around, going out with sisters to buy groceries, reading comics, lazing around and nursing my upset stomach, talking a bit with mom and dad, surfing a bit of the net. Taking things easy for a while.
At work, not that I am not trying to relax. I would go and surf the net for a short while and check emails. But unlike previously, this time no close collegue to really 'talk' to, except the other trainee with me. SO somewhat I feel very 'repressed' and cant seem to find things to joke about. My seat is too cold to hang around. The computer also cannot sit all day. No other places to go to. So feel a bit lost on how to spend the time. So work work work then once finish, run home.
Intend to maple a bit then sleep lor. I did maple last friday and sat and it felt real good to do something I liked and enjoyed. Just feel tired and sleepy and a bit ill now. Now I look forward to Jap classes though I might most likely sprout some nonsense to the amusement of Tab. BUT argh... test coming. And I no mood to study. How lah? Shinimasu! Think I'll go mapling for a short while now. Good news is Grey is still alive! Its only the headphones that are spoilt. Went all the way to Jurong east leh today. Could have gone out instead...
Monday, April 03, 2006
PUI! PUI! And a BIG KAPUI day!
Wtf am I even teaching english? Wtf did I even choose it in the first place? I am not the most proficient in it, I dun even know adverbial or adjectival phrases until fairly recently. Y am I even teaching it?
Today is the 2nd observation by Supervisor, meaning this is the first time she came down with me knowing, such that I have time to prepare something impressive to showcase. Which I tried. Very hard. I made several sets of readings for the group activity to draft a gp biography. It was related to the theme I am currently at. In the process, I had to search the internet for relevant articles, printed them, found them to be too wordy, edit and cut until each is 1pg long, reprint, design instruction page, a text structure ws and photocopy them all to ensure 2 sets per gp, 2 sets for observation . All done mainly on last saturday. It meant that my weekend was blown, with it weighing on my mind, dominating my thoughts, trying to anticipate everything and pre-empt any issues. For today, I even reached work at 6.45am instead of 7.10am the usual, took a cab to put a set on CT table, went up to classroom to set up visualizer (something like OHP) and ensure that it was working. Whilst assembly, my mind was taken up, trying not to repeat my previous mistake of not achieving the learning outcomes. Then my sup came and we went up.
All in all, I felt though certain parts of the delivery could have been improved upon, I really felt I did a decent one this time. Remembering that the previous one she just dropped in and I was teaching from tb one. She gave me some positive feedback for the lesson though she did mention some weakness with the groupwork and even a bit of classroom mgt. I felt really relieved! But knowing my CT, I was a bit apprendsive cos he often looked at things more closely. The nitty-gritty.
After school, we sat down, trying to wolf down food and talk about the observation. This being my 3rd so far. Lets just say he started by asking what my sup said, what I felt about it. Then when I asked him about improvements, then a whole barrage of classroom mgt issues came up because the group work I did, didnt really go smoothly for all groups. Basically alot of nitty-gritty. The thing that really got me was when he repeated this sentence which he said after the 2nd observation "You have to showcase your best for the observation...." (It was already my best, what makes u think it was not the best or it was a mess???) The tone really got to me, it sounded very harsh. I started to tear inspite of myself and it shocked him. Later due to the workshop, we couldnt continue. During the break, he apologised for upsetting me but after the meeting, I had to apologise to him for being unprofessional. Its not what he said but his way and tone. It sounded as if he was reprimanding. I am terribly embarassed but I am quite sensitive to that particular tone. Dunno if it had something to do with my primary school days where I got into trouble over the dentist and had to see the Principal whom I vaguely remember use that tone. Some unconscious emotional scar trigger that is always activated by that tone. May really have to see a psychatrist one day to establish why that trigger exist. Sign. I really hate to show weakness. But it really got to me. Not to mention ruin what was supposedly to be a day of signed relief. The other trainee cheered me up by telling me that she overheard his tone, not the content and felt that it was harsh. Cos we sat near her table. I told her that it was not the content but the tone. She assured that if it was her, she would have started tearing before he got through one sentence...
Basically I am worn out. It has been a long day. The workshop ended around 6pm and I reached home at almost 6.45pm. Its 12 hours. No time to do anything today. I am just beat. Sian. Need a break. Am doing nothing now. Batantly refuse to do. Though my lps not done for tomorrow. Like the english lesson continuation tomorrow. I just cant be borthered to do. Not to mention I discovered to my horror that my MP3 player is spoilt. Dropped it last week then today sounded funny. Dunno where is my warranty card. Dunno if it is at hall. Great! Just great. Today is not even Friday the 13th, just Apr 3rd!
*Sighs* Just need a good rest to be my normal self tomorrow and some leftover Heinkein from last week and some diet coke to cheer me up.
At this rate, I start to seriously doubt my ability to last 3 years. How can one go through this if jsut 5 weeks and it feels like hell already? Got to make some mid-term career plans... Or go for 4D or Toto to strike.
Wtf am I even teaching english? Wtf did I even choose it in the first place? I am not the most proficient in it, I dun even know adverbial or adjectival phrases until fairly recently. Y am I even teaching it?
Today is the 2nd observation by Supervisor, meaning this is the first time she came down with me knowing, such that I have time to prepare something impressive to showcase. Which I tried. Very hard. I made several sets of readings for the group activity to draft a gp biography. It was related to the theme I am currently at. In the process, I had to search the internet for relevant articles, printed them, found them to be too wordy, edit and cut until each is 1pg long, reprint, design instruction page, a text structure ws and photocopy them all to ensure 2 sets per gp, 2 sets for observation . All done mainly on last saturday. It meant that my weekend was blown, with it weighing on my mind, dominating my thoughts, trying to anticipate everything and pre-empt any issues. For today, I even reached work at 6.45am instead of 7.10am the usual, took a cab to put a set on CT table, went up to classroom to set up visualizer (something like OHP) and ensure that it was working. Whilst assembly, my mind was taken up, trying not to repeat my previous mistake of not achieving the learning outcomes. Then my sup came and we went up.
All in all, I felt though certain parts of the delivery could have been improved upon, I really felt I did a decent one this time. Remembering that the previous one she just dropped in and I was teaching from tb one. She gave me some positive feedback for the lesson though she did mention some weakness with the groupwork and even a bit of classroom mgt. I felt really relieved! But knowing my CT, I was a bit apprendsive cos he often looked at things more closely. The nitty-gritty.
After school, we sat down, trying to wolf down food and talk about the observation. This being my 3rd so far. Lets just say he started by asking what my sup said, what I felt about it. Then when I asked him about improvements, then a whole barrage of classroom mgt issues came up because the group work I did, didnt really go smoothly for all groups. Basically alot of nitty-gritty. The thing that really got me was when he repeated this sentence which he said after the 2nd observation "You have to showcase your best for the observation...." (It was already my best, what makes u think it was not the best or it was a mess???) The tone really got to me, it sounded very harsh. I started to tear inspite of myself and it shocked him. Later due to the workshop, we couldnt continue. During the break, he apologised for upsetting me but after the meeting, I had to apologise to him for being unprofessional. Its not what he said but his way and tone. It sounded as if he was reprimanding. I am terribly embarassed but I am quite sensitive to that particular tone. Dunno if it had something to do with my primary school days where I got into trouble over the dentist and had to see the Principal whom I vaguely remember use that tone. Some unconscious emotional scar trigger that is always activated by that tone. May really have to see a psychatrist one day to establish why that trigger exist. Sign. I really hate to show weakness. But it really got to me. Not to mention ruin what was supposedly to be a day of signed relief. The other trainee cheered me up by telling me that she overheard his tone, not the content and felt that it was harsh. Cos we sat near her table. I told her that it was not the content but the tone. She assured that if it was her, she would have started tearing before he got through one sentence...
Basically I am worn out. It has been a long day. The workshop ended around 6pm and I reached home at almost 6.45pm. Its 12 hours. No time to do anything today. I am just beat. Sian. Need a break. Am doing nothing now. Batantly refuse to do. Though my lps not done for tomorrow. Like the english lesson continuation tomorrow. I just cant be borthered to do. Not to mention I discovered to my horror that my MP3 player is spoilt. Dropped it last week then today sounded funny. Dunno where is my warranty card. Dunno if it is at hall. Great! Just great. Today is not even Friday the 13th, just Apr 3rd!
*Sighs* Just need a good rest to be my normal self tomorrow and some leftover Heinkein from last week and some diet coke to cheer me up.
At this rate, I start to seriously doubt my ability to last 3 years. How can one go through this if jsut 5 weeks and it feels like hell already? Got to make some mid-term career plans... Or go for 4D or Toto to strike.
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