A penny for your thoughts

This entry will be about the thoughts swirling in my head, and there's alot in there.

Again lapsing into thoughts, in recent times I find myself thinking about this thing called 'life'. Seriously what is our purpose?

I think my default view is still that there is NO reason at all. You didnt choose to be born nor aware. It just is. How sad and mundane that sounded.

Many a times, we are guilty of thinking that the world revolves around you and that your existence is important. BUT the truth is the world can still continue without you. Though your existence is important to family and friends.

Yet as I get older still, I still question life itself. True enough there is no one way to live a life, but many a times, we are guilty of taking the 'easy' path which is safe (maybe by other's perception) yet many a times we are unhapppy about the path. My dad did say something insightful when I told him of my quitting decision. He says that he wasnt happy also. Many who are employed are not happy. But they had to '忍' it, have to put up with it because of family commitments. True enough, the norm. Yet to someone like me, there is little commitment due to my singlehood. Of course I have a commitment to myself and also have to plan for many things for myself and family, but time and again, I wonder IF I am ready to take the next step?

To get married, eventually have kids and the whole thing that comes with that. With my current mentality, I am nowhere near that step, nor am I ready mentally to deal with the whole package. No reason to get into commitments from current nil commitment. Maybe if I find the right guy, I would be heading there. BUT for now, nowhere near there.

So what's the next thing to do? If I am stuck at this stage of life, what's there to do? Well with the impending joblessness and transformation into '9am to 5pm' infront of laptop for share trading and investing. Inbetween dividing time for Jap lessons, guitar lessons, exercise routine and even driving lessons, I think at least, I'll be a bit pressed for time initially as I try to slot all these stuff into timing that is not too taxing for me. Given the age and stuff, travelling about on public transport tires me. Also if too much mental stuff in one day, also taxing. At least that's my thoughts about it.

But then again, beside all these, is there more to life itself? Aside from these stages in life, what else constitutes living, not just breathing. I had a sudden thought that one shouldnt overchase the meaning of life, cos then one may lose out in the 'living' and experiencing part of life, which is the main part of life. Yar insightful.

Also there are parents whom wont be forever by your side... Thinking of that saddens me. So I hope in spite of my busier schedule, I can spend time with aged parents. That would mean days where I am contented to stay at home and be more involved. Staying under the same roof doesnt constitute family time. One could be in the room all day and hardly talk, and that time doesnt count for anything. Should be more involved like helping around with household chores, talking and chatting with parents, cooking and experimenting with new dishes like I always try to, even go for morning marketing or evening walks with mom, go out with dad to run his errands, help out if I can. Think that will be time well spent.

Certain aspects are more important to me now than just an income. Maybe I will regret this move, but then again, for me at this point in time, this is my truest desire and wish. So be it.