SignZ

My dad didn't take it badly, but is advising me to wait til the end of the year. Go for driving, go learn stocks while still working. I know he means well but can I take it?

I don't think I have it in me to wait until then. I think he is considering the possible disruption to my students, that is something I have also considered earlier BUT when I give a damn about them and even sacrifice, who gives a damn about me? Definitely not mgt, not so much collegues. Parents and students would be thankful but is it of anything to me? This reminds me of the decision to persist in the internship at shitty bank despite all the crap I had endured out of my own sense of personal responsibility and loyalty. Look where that got me? Tired, jaded, negativism, burnout, all these just so I can say to myself "I didn't give up halfway, I finished the job, then leave at the convenient end" even though I really suffered to finally reach the "end" to leave without creating a "hole".

If there is one thing I have really learnt from that, is many a times, pple don't give a damn. You may think they do, or they even appear to let you think they do, most don't give a damn unless your 'move' impacts their plans. Otherwise they think you will just guai guai take all the crap they shove you. Even then if you find a 'convenient' time to move on so as to minimise disruption, nobody will be grateful that you have pushed your plans back instead, endured even more crap for a longer time, shoved with even more shit for the extended period. No one gives a damn save for family and true friends. In fact they would be happy that you chose such a convenient time for them to find someone to replace you so easily. So I wanna ask, "Is this worth staying on until the convenient end?"

I seriously don't wanna wait, even if it is reasonable to do. My lesson in shitty bank has taught me that. I personally have to drag myself and already endured until the bond is over. I am through enduring and waiting for the end. Let me choose my own 'end' given I had endured so long for it. Let someone else who can endure this crap continue in my steed. For those directly affected, my apologies, and my word to do a good job until then, for those who are 'inconvenienced' by my decision, sorry I don't give a damn. It's high time I start giving a damn about myself, my own feelings and happiness, my own health.

My mind and heart are set. Just as one door closes, another opens. If not, open one path by yourself with your bare hands and ability! Life is not always about taking the straight and safe path inspire of being very unhappy. At my age, I can finally take my OWN path, no more bonds to fulfill, no more constraints except the running out of youth part. Just as I have finally made some money from shares, I strongly believe I can work to make it better, biz plans and ideas, I have some ideas and need the time and energy to refine. Maybe I will fail, bit what's the worst? That I re-join, go back to Msia, lose some money in stocks, use up my personal reserve? What's the big deal? If go back to msia, the money can last doubly longer. I don't believe I can't do anything, without this job? Maybe the re-employment part would be a problem, furthering studies could be a longer term answer.

For now there are many things on my mind, some ST, some LT, anxieties and problems to think about. Uncertainties loom and I can't say for certain where or what I will end up at? But let them come, I am sick of this sinking ship, I am moving on.