Changing Oneself

Hmm this weekend, been somewhat pigging out a tad bit too much that I decided and resolutely went for 3rd swim session with sister. That was AFTER we came back from East Coast, eating Carl's Jr burgers, fries and drink. Why we ended up there was also due to boredom so asked Dad if he was going out. Then we decided East Coast and went there. Saw the kangeroo shoes and also the Ripple which is like a skateboard thingy. But since not nice to leave dad alone sitting for an hour while go cycling, skating, so my sister and I settled for walking along the beach for 20 minutes, discussing stuff.

In the later morning, earlier, I had gone to the temple to pray. Offer incense to the deities in the Temple and prayed specifically to Monkey God. May things go my way, everything also shun shun li li. Even if I have the intention to quit, still want things to be shun li, dont want to have to work like a dog, dog tired type. After coming back from the temple, I finally had a good sleep. Think I napped for 3.5hrs at a shot. Cos the weather has been blistering hot so much so, that one like myself who sleeps wrapped up in blanket, cant sleep without the fan blowing. But for unknown reasons, I kept waking up at 7.30am for the past few weekdays. It resulted in tiredness cos wake too early, plus too hot to go back to sleep. So was somewhat under the weather, especially on Saturday.
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Last night and by today's afternoon, I've finished plowing through the stack of Annual reports and Financial summaries sent to me by post due to my stock investment. The Annual reports give a clearer picture of assets, especially for Property counters. They will list out the Malls, Hotels, Offices owned by them. One can be surprised by the familarity of the names. In fact, it becomes more tuned in. Next time, I am at those places, I'll keep my eyes peeled for occupancy, crowd, biz in general, even up coming projects nearby eg IR. While travelling in Quetzal's car, noticed a couple of new development, under some of these counters too. Hmm... considerations for going in for medium term investment. See how.

The market on friday has turned a bit more. In some of my counters, I am seeing up to almost 50% retracement, in a few, 1/3. Though there are still quite a number still going up, with no trace of weakness. Sian that SPC. I just have to wait and monitor a bit. Dont want to make the same mistake of overinvestment that until REAL good opportunities, then no capital to buy. SIAN. I better practice more REFRAIN now, dont be too eager to go in then end up going in too early.
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Changing Oneself

Hmm read both Tab's and Quetzal entries about changing oneself and being happier or not being able to do it.

For myself, over the years, I have gradually really come to terms with my own personality self. Though I do have flaws, I dont think I want to trade for others. In case one dunno, my temper is not exactly good, sometimes short fuse, mostly more dormant over the years. My face is not exactly one for making jokes and stuff. But heck.

The thought experiment of being in a room with total strangers and how would one react to it.

Hmm, the secondary day me, would totally ignore everybody and just do my thing.

The JC day me would wait at the side, wait for pple to make a move and interact with those few who do.

The Uni day me would go up to maybe those who looked like in the same plight, lost and lonely too and make some talk.

The current me would have either heck it all or if have to, make small talk with whoever is around, near, beside, provided they are interested.

At least that is what I think I would do. In spite of the years, I am still not the 'life of the crowd', still tend to be at the sidelines, though I dont mind being the focus at times. But I am not the alpha type. Not a bitch, more aloof, though I do still have the habit of observing, listening and thinking more instead of talking.

Am I alright with my current self?

Except for the more negative perspective of things which I really need to consciously change now, I am alright. I have made conscious changes to my own personality in terms of doing things, taking initiative, speaking with pple. Gradually over time, I found, I can be proactive, initate stuff eg conversations, discussions, take the necessary first step. Provided I feel and want to do that. So that depends on the situation, hence in the room, if I feel the need to participate, I would go up and self-introd and talk, if dont feel the need, I would just stand at a corner and be fine with both ways. Some would call it 'wearing' a mask but if its fine both ways, I would think its more an internal thingy.

Then would I want to be completely different from the personality that I have now?

I guess I cant really tell which is better unless suddenly I suffered from Amnesia and then my personality suddenly changed into a sweet, demure, positive one, then I can somewhat make a fairer comparison AFTER I regained the memory of my current personality. The grass always seems greener on the other side. One is seldom very satisified nor happy with oneself. In fact, we play up personal flaws, while neglecting to notice that other 'perfect' people have flaws too, at times worst. Its just we dont see them cos either dont know them well enough or hidden. No need to bash yourself up for own flaws. I think everybody has them.

Even if your personality really changes to the one that you thought was ideal, it doesnt mean life would automatically go smoothly. It doesnt gurantee becoming rich, popular, everything shun shun li li. You really wont know until you are actually there. Since in the game of life, where every decision branches off into another scenario, and there is no way one can retrace life, just lead it forward. No need to dwell too much on the past, be it poor decisions, what ifs. Theres just too much of those. Focus on making a better decision for the current self. At least that is more real for myself.

Sure enough there are doubts, insecurities, but as long as at the end of the day, you can live with your choice, anything goes, as long as you are happy.